50yr old daughter committed herself last week.

[Worndown68]

I need support and I don’t find this easy, My daughter, 50, exhausted patience of the lady who took her in 2 years ago. An extremely kind hearted person was housing her, but when she failed to show any indication of getting a job, started getting annoyed that she wasn’t being treated to hair appointments or meals out or trips to the beach, she turned on her and started treating her the way she has treated me. It became too unpleasant for this lady (who I have known for 30 years) to be in her own home. So my daughter, who has been trying to get disability for her mental health for a year, committed herself. This is not the first time she has done this upon fear of losing the roof over her head. They are going to give her ECT which I know will terrify her and I worry that it won’t actually help her because she is more Borderline (BPD) with huge entitlement, so unless there really is major depression, or she has professionals who have correctly diagnosed her, will it do any good or just make her angrier? She has, since she was about 26 tried many anti depressants. But nothing has helped her. She was in a sober living house years ago, where she was supposed to get employment and pay $400 a month. She did neither. She doesn’t have a car (dui in my car 20yrs ago) but feels she is too good to ride public transportation. I had a Uber account she has been using for doctors apts, grocery shopping etc. But after she abused it several times I cancelled that.
Her last visit with me was not good. She came by Uber and was proudly showing off a watch she had bought after getting money from the government somehow.
Since she has been sponging off everyone for years I didn’t comprehend why she didn’t save that money for Rxs or something that others were funding.
She had been posting on her FB page for a year that she has Ca? Looking up childhood friends to get support and sympathy. Posting a picture of the 14 bottles of medications she has? I think she was aware she had outstayed her welcome and looking for another place to sofa surf.
I have housed her in many places over the years myself but nothing was either “good enough “ or she fell out seriously with neighbours. I could write a book .
She asked if she could move in with me after her treatment but I had to refuse. If I had my own house I might have caved. But I live in a small apt and she is so loud and disruptive and angry at everyone and everything and I just need some peace now at my age. I have enabled her over the years, hoping every time that she would keep a job and pay her bills. That has never happened though.
But she was such a good baby and an adorable child, until pre teen years.
I was divorced from her Dad when she was 3 and he really didn’t have a relationship with her. So along with her identical twin (who also has addiction and anger issues) I raised them on my own. It was tough, and I had to work hard and they saw that. So I don’t understand the lack of work ethic? If she ever earns money she uses it for meals out and alcohol, she has always loved to party so I honestly don’t think she is suffering from MDD? I get horrible abusive texts, full of lies and accusations of abuse as a child? She has never been abused by me or anyone.
I pray that she will find a path to an independent life, I wish I could be more hopeful though. I feel like I am abandoning an angry toddler (she was actually a very happy toddler?). I don’t know how to find peace. I have read every book on Borderline (BPD) by Marsha Linehan, and whoever. I had bought the VHS tapes and workbook for her so many years ago. Because she didn’t want therapy. I think she was so happy living at the beach, smoking weed and drinking that she really wasn’t interested in changing. I myself have had therapy since she was 17. Told to go no contact many times and I have.
But I always seem to think that things will change one day, she will apologise and build a life. It doesn’t seem she will though. I just came here in desperation as I have read so many similar stories from other parents over the years.

 

[ksm]

I'm so sorry. Almost 20 years ago we adopted our two grands. The youngest now has a child, age 3, and she can't take care of herself or her child. When she was 28 she said her psychologist told her she probably had borderline personality disorder, but they don't really diagnose it at the teen age years.

I know how difficult this is. You have to take care of yourself. Sometimes all we can do is vent here.

Hugs.... Ksm

 

[Crayola13]

You mentioned CA. Does that stand for Coronary Artery Disease?

 

[ksm]

Oops...just u still saw my typo...when she was 18 the psychologist said she could be borderline...

Ksm

 

[Worndown68]

I'm so sorry. Almost 20 years ago we adopted our two grands. The youngest now has a child, age 3, and she can't take care of herself or her child. When she was 28 she said her psychologist told her she probably had borderline personality disorder, but they don't really diagnose it at the teen age years.

I know how difficult this is. You have to take care of yourself. Sometimes all we can do is vent here.

Hugs.... Ksm

Thank you for your understanding, it’s hard to believe that she is now 50 but has managed to never financially support herself. She can be so charming and funny when she chooses to so I have had a hard time accepting that I couldn’t help her up to now. Thank you so much, I am the Nan to her sisters 3 children and I have always provided a soft place for them because their Mom has personality disorder and is an alcoholic. I have now seen them all start college and they are so appreciative of everything, I do hope your great grandchild will be ok. I think the name of Borderline (BPD) is harsh and possibly a reason why help isn’t sought. My eldest grandchild is studying psychology hoping to understand her Mom! She decided at 10 that was her path. Sadly Mom still drinks so it’s not easy.
But there is hope for the younger ones as I have witnessed, I hope your Grand and Great grand do okay, x

 

[Worndown68]

You mentioned CA. Does that stand for Coronary Artery Disease?

No I meant cancer. I have the CAD though, I don’t eat meat or dairy because Dad died at 46 from it. Genetic I guess.

 

[mom58]

I need support and I don’t find this easy, My daughter, 50, exhausted patience of the lady who took her in 2 years ago. An extremely kind hearted person was housing her, but when she failed to show any indication of getting a job, started getting annoyed that she wasn’t being treated to hair appointments or meals out or trips to the beach, she turned on her and started treating her the way she has treated me. It became too unpleasant for this lady (who I have known for 30 years) to be in her own home. So my daughter, who has been trying to get disability for her mental health for a year, committed herself. This is not the first time she has done this upon fear of losing the roof over her head. They are going to give her ECT which I know will terrify her and I worry that it won’t actually help her because she is more Borderline (Borderline (BPD)) with huge entitlement, so unless there really is major depression, or she has professionals who have correctly diagnosed her, will it do any good or just make her angrier? She has, since she was about 26 tried many anti depressants. But nothing has helped her. She was in a sober living house years ago, where she was supposed to get employment and pay $400 a month. She did neither. She doesn’t have a car (dui in my car 20yrs ago) but feels she is too good to ride public transportation. I had a Uber account she has been using for doctors apts, grocery shopping etc. But after she abused it several times I cancelled that.
Her last visit with me was not good. She came by Uber and was proudly showing off a watch she had bought after getting money from the government somehow.
Since she has been sponging off everyone for years I didn’t comprehend why she didn’t save that money for Rxs or something that others were funding.
She had been posting on her FB page for a year that she has Ca? Looking up childhood friends to get support and sympathy. Posting a picture of the 14 bottles of medications she has? I think she was aware she had outstayed her welcome and looking for another place to sofa surf.
I have housed her in many places over the years myself but nothing was either “good enough “ or she fell out seriously with neighbours. I could write a book .
She asked if she could move in with me after her treatment but I had to refuse. If I had my own house I might have caved. But I live in a small apt and she is so loud and disruptive and angry at everyone and everything and I just need some peace now at my age. I have enabled her over the years, hoping every time that she would keep a job and pay her bills. That has never happened though.
But she was such a good baby and an adorable child, until pre teen years.
I was divorced from her Dad when she was 3 and he really didn’t have a relationship with her. So along with her identical twin (who also has addiction and anger issues) I raised them on my own. It was tough, and I had to work hard and they saw that. So I don’t understand the lack of work ethic? If she ever earns money she uses it for meals out and alcohol, she has always loved to party so I honestly don’t think she is suffering from MDD? I get horrible abusive texts, full of lies and accusations of abuse as a child? She has never been abused by me or anyone.
I pray that she will find a path to an independent life, I wish I could be more hopeful though. I feel like I am abandoning an angry toddler (she was actually a very happy toddler?). I don’t know how to find peace. I have read every book on Borderline (Borderline (BPD)) by Marsha Linehan, and whoever. I had bought the VHS tapes and workbook for her so many years ago. Because she didn’t want therapy. I think she was so happy living at the beach, smoking weed and drinking that she really wasn’t interested in changing. I myself have had therapy since she was 17. Told to go no contact many times and I have.
But I always seem to think that things will change one day, she will apologise and build a life. It doesn’t seem she will though. I just came here in desperation as I have read so many similar stories from other parents over the years.

Hi, yes same boat here. My son is 46. In prison again. He will get out this December couple days before his birthday. Have already told him not to count on coming here. The last few times he lived with me was insane. Meth made him believe he had bugs living inside him. I could not see the bugs. But they sure seemed real to him.
Anyway one cold snowy night he wanted me to drive him to the bus station and buy a ticket for Kansas where his gal friend on drugs was waiting for him. I told him, no we are in a winter advisory I will not drive an hour to the bus. So to keep peace I gave him my truck along with the title and money told him to go. Yes, that left me without transportation. But I knew I could buy something else. He had installed a French drain on my house which stopped the wetness under the house. He really worked hard on that project and did a good job. So figured if he really wanted to go the truck was payment of some sort for all that work. Plus I let him live rent-free for a year, fed him. and bought anything he wanted except the dope. Which I suppose I did just not in a direct matter. He did meth to work digging out the foundation. He would work all night, he got weird and delusional angry broke things. He had a girlfriend here who drank and had anger issues. Between the two of them, it was a nightmare.
He ended up living in the truck in Kansas. He had burned all bridges with family and friends. He sold the truck for what I do not know. Then he was sleeping on the street. Police picked him up he fought them they shot him in the face with a sandbag bullet right between the eyes. Luckily they did not kill him. They tased him repeatedly stopped his heart and then got him restarted.
Took him to hospital then jail. He was charged with attacking a police officer. Sounds more like they attacked him. I saw his picture from a jail mug shot. He looked bad. This is not the first time in jail or prison. But it is the first time he has not called me wanting bail money or any money for whatever. I finally heard from him and he said he was on his own this time. Wow. Are we seeing a change? I have given all this worry over to God. I trust God has a plan. Everything over the years I have done to help never did help. So at some point ya gotta let go and let God.