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<blockquote data-quote="Mamaof5" data-source="post: 508542"><p>I have my outlets (TAM forum). I read something today on there that really hit it on the head hard...</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's how I feel, exactly how it is. It's like the murder\death of your spouse when that spouse cheats. It's the stages of grief. I'm partially stuck on the angry stage (aka rage stage) especially when he has a durr moment.</p><p></p><p>Really, honestly at this point it's about fixing the problems that were already there because the infidelity is a background problem that we are working out. It's the marital problems that lead to a disconnect and his need to feed his insecurities and ego (through the infidelity). The cheating was NEVER about me, what I am or who I am. It was his problem, his personal demons, his <strong>insecurities</strong>. I know that, whether he does or not is the issue (and I'm leaning toward not quite there yet in realizing that his own inner insecurities were what helped make his choice, and oh yes it's a choice, to cheat).</p><p></p><p>It's funny - we have to help each other with this and yet it's like a tug of war some days. Me - why the heck should I help you mr. stab me in the back and him with the "I don't know how to help". I try not to do that spiteful koi (as some of you say) because it doesn't help the situation any more than his durr moments do. It was IC by the way and no I don't think she was a great fit but she is the only female in town (small town) who deals with this particular subject and family counselling. The other one, from my understanding, deal with addictions as a specialty ...erm I'm not an addict so I'm not within her criteria and to hockey sticks I'm going to trust a male counselor with my most inner thoughts and feelings...uhm not happening.</p><p></p><p>I do have a doctor, he's just away on conferences until May (grumbles).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mamaof5, post: 508542"] I have my outlets (TAM forum). I read something today on there that really hit it on the head hard... That's how I feel, exactly how it is. It's like the murder\death of your spouse when that spouse cheats. It's the stages of grief. I'm partially stuck on the angry stage (aka rage stage) especially when he has a durr moment. Really, honestly at this point it's about fixing the problems that were already there because the infidelity is a background problem that we are working out. It's the marital problems that lead to a disconnect and his need to feed his insecurities and ego (through the infidelity). The cheating was NEVER about me, what I am or who I am. It was his problem, his personal demons, his [b]insecurities[/b]. I know that, whether he does or not is the issue (and I'm leaning toward not quite there yet in realizing that his own inner insecurities were what helped make his choice, and oh yes it's a choice, to cheat). It's funny - we have to help each other with this and yet it's like a tug of war some days. Me - why the heck should I help you mr. stab me in the back and him with the "I don't know how to help". I try not to do that spiteful koi (as some of you say) because it doesn't help the situation any more than his durr moments do. It was IC by the way and no I don't think she was a great fit but she is the only female in town (small town) who deals with this particular subject and family counselling. The other one, from my understanding, deal with addictions as a specialty ...erm I'm not an addict so I'm not within her criteria and to hockey sticks I'm going to trust a male counselor with my most inner thoughts and feelings...uhm not happening. I do have a doctor, he's just away on conferences until May (grumbles). [/QUOTE]
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