6 year old son keeps getting kicked out of school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kim75062, Sep 1, 2016.

  1. kim75062

    kim75062 Member

    Hello everyone. I am new to this site, this is my first post. I have read a lot of similar stories on here about kids that sound like I could have wrote them myself about my son. Unfortunately I have only seen lots of new parent posts with the details of the problems but no follow ups with solutions. So this is going to be a long post but I want to give as much information as possible.

    My son is 6 years old as of July 2016. He was full term and a big baby at 10.8 lbs. He is the third child and has 2 older sisters, currently 13yo and 17yo. I am married to his and the other kids father and we all live at home together. No drug or alcohol issues. No abuse or violence problems. We are you typical boring family. We are not poor but are not close to rich either. Dad works and I stay home currently. He hit all his milestones on time with no noticed issues through toddler hood. I did notice that he was very bright and wanted to learn everything. He knew his ABC's, numbers to 20, colors, shapes etc. all by 2 and was speaking in full 5 or more word sentences. Everything seemed fine and the only issue I noticed was he avoided eye contact somewhat. I mentioned it to the pediatrician but she wasn't worried at the time.

    Fast forward to age 3-4 and he was in preschool/daycare. He was a difficult, stubborn and trying preschooler. I got the notes frequently that he had a "bad day", didn't want to follow directions, sit still, take a nap, temper tantrum etc. All expected behaviors for his age but more intense and frequent then his peers. and only happens at preschool. He attempted to run out of the classroom a few times but was meet with locked doors and quickly gave that idea up. Toward the end of the preschool year he was telling the teacher he was "blowing up the school, and killing everyone". that set off alarm bells and he was seen by a school psychiatrist. He said that he wasn't worried about his threats and attributed them to playing video games with mild cartoon violence (mine craft, spyro the dragon) taken to seriously by a small child. I was told not worry about him and he was just adjusting to being away from his normal familiar home setting with just me and him all the time.

    summer of 2015 we relocated out of state to be closer to my brother and a much better job offer for my husband. Move went well, no noticed issues over the summer. No Behavior issues that seemed abnormal for a 5 year old.

    August 2015 he was excited and eager to start school in a "real big" school. The first few months went by OK. on the color chart he was yellow or green most days and very few blue or purple days (best)He wasn't a model student by any means as far as behavior but he had a great teacher that was dealing with his not wanting to follow directions and mini meltdowns. Over Christmas break my father in law died. We went back to where we moved from for the funeral etc. ( he was cremated and there was no body there only an ern). I only mention this because it seems like the time that everything started heading south. He loved his grandfather and his time with him but he wasn't particularly close to his grandfather. he seen him a few times a week for less then 30 mins but he was a very ill man that had little interaction with the kids toward the end.

    Back to school Jan 2016. First week back is when the phone calls started from the school. He was refusing to participate in class and disrupting the class. Then he was refusing to follow any directions from the teacher. I requested for him to talk to the counselor and a meeting with the teacher. Nothing came of the counselor meeting as she seen no issues with him at the time except his behavior in the classroom. The counsler and I decided that maybe the death affected him more then we knew and she would have talks with him etc. By the next week he was running out of the classroom and trying to escape the building to come home. The teacher and principal made a HUGE deal out of this which I think now made it worse. He was suspended for the first time for 3 days. (obviously that didn't help any). The next 8 weeks or so his behavior declined rapidly to climbing under desks and hiding. Running around the lunch room like a mad man, bolting away from the teacher. Trying to leave the gym to exit the building and toddler like temper tantrums for the smallest things. Again only happens at school. I had requested a IEP meeting, assessments but never put it in writing.

    By this time I took him to the psychiatrist walkin clinic (not child specific and deals with A LOT of people with really bad issues). After 15 mins she said "ADHD and mood disorder" here is your adderall and ripserdal. that should "fix" him. bring him back in a month. The fact she said "fix" him immediately pissed me off. He was not some broken toy that need glued back together. He is a smart, funny, loving and caring little boy. That happened to also develop some behavior issues for unknown reasons. needless to say i never went back to that doctor. His pediatrician put him on tenex which kinda helped with the outbursts but didn't last all day and then snowed him later in the day if another dose was given. He also ran out of the gym doors again and made it to the parking lot next to school for the rec center. I had said if he wont stay in the gym stop sending him there but was told PE is mandatory so he has to go. I said fine send another teacher or assistant with him and got told its not in the budget. there where plenty of other incidents that at this time I cant even remember but always resulted in the "come pick him up and keep him home for a few days" call. At this time the school was doing nothing to help him and pretty much saying "you made him you deal with him".

    The last straw in 4/2016 was when I got called to come get him from the office at 750am. Now he got dropped off at 740am so he'd been there an entire 10mins. I only live 2 blocks away so i was back up there in 2-3 mins. I get there to see my son beat red faced almost hyperventilating because he was restrained and forced to the office from the other side of the school by an assistant principal that's not even trained to use child restraints. All because he was being "mean" to the teacher, threatened to hit her (never did) and was throwing crayons. So throwing crayons put others in harms way so he had to restrained. but running across a parking lot of school grounds inst a reason to catch and restrain him? I withdrew him that day and home schooled him for the rest of the year. No medications, and no problems.

    In June of 2016 I called the school board and told them they need to get an IEP going for him and a plan because he will be back for 1st grade in the fall. School board was great about it but the principal decided to wait until August. August came, I re-enrolled him and was told lets wait for the first week to see how he does. I insisted that was a bad idea but as usual was ignored. I took him back to the pediatrician and now started him on all day intuniv.

    Day one and he made it 3 hours and was suspended. He was throwing a temper tantrum because he was called first and it escalated from there. I called the school board again and told the super what was going on. the Meeting was moved up until the next day and all the Special Education people where there with consent for assessment papers in hand. We went over strategies and interventions for the classroom but really had no idea what was going to work because again I don't have 15 6 year olds at home and he does not behave like this with me or anyone else outside of school. This meeting was almost 2 hrs long and he happily sat there in the school office with his tablet and talking to the front desk staff the entire time.

    Week 2 he ran out of the building AGAIN from gym and they decided a para might just be a good idea until hes done with his testing. today is day 4 or week 2 and hes suspended again. This time he refused to follow directions and was sent to the counselors office for a "cool down". he didn't want to stay there and tried to run. the para blocked the door so he couldn't. he said he would kick her if she didn't move and she didn't so he actually kicked her. And she didn't move again so he kicked her again. then the principal came in and said he was calling me so he hid behind a chair. When I got there he was terrified looking hiding behind the chair. I told him come out and he did. calmed right down and stood there quietly while they explained to me what was going on. I went to leave with him and noticed they actually had campus security (which is never at this school) and a police officer there on the other side of the door. Seriously? hes 6 ! is he really going to over power and hurt 3 full grown adults? or they wanted someone to restrain him and a witness since the previous incident can still cost them a law suit.

    At this point I have NO idea what he has! ADHD makes sense in the impulsiveness. but not the focus or hyper part. He can focus and can calm down if he wants to or has no choice but to. Asperger's would account for the limited eye contact and lack of social skills but he doesn't have most of the other characteristics of the disease. Bipolar don't fit because his mood is generally stable. He is happy at home and mad/frustrated at school. The only thing I'm left with is a possible social anxiety problem? And ODD. but I consider that a diagnosis of nothing but symptoms. Something has to be the cause of the ODD. and though he is very defiant at school he is not at home. he will test his limits at home but knows exactly what they are and gives up trying quickly. He is also not purposefully mean and spiteful.

    I'm at a loss on what to do except keep him home with me homeschooling forever. I would like to go back to work and be around grownups again. Plus 2 paychecks instead of one is way better. But I cant go to work and be at the school everyday either. I'm a nurse and no matter where I work leaving without a replacement is NEVER an option. He is on a waiting list to be seen at a ADHD/Autism center for proper diagnosis and behavior counseling etc. but the waiting list is 6-9 months at this point.

    I took him to his pediatrician this afternoon to tell him what going on and I'm beginning to think he doesn't believe me. He sees this happy behaved little boy in his office and I'm telling him about the monster that he was just acting like an hour ago. He took him off the intuniv and said he is going to try to get him in to a good behavior clinic or child psy asap.
     
  2. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Yep, I've seen this with my grandson, who is now 10. He doesn't elope anymore...that's a biggie for schools for safety reasons, and he's less aggressive but school is still hard for him--wants to do what he wants, trouble starting assignments and goes from zero to rage in 5 seconds flat, social problems. This used to cause physical harm to us and anything near him, but he's learning to control it. His first week of kindergarten, we found him on the principal's office floor completely freaked out, gasping for air and couldn't even talk, and no one could help because they didn't understand what they were seeing. Another time, the custodian had him barricaded in a hall way with a desk and piled up chairs, while everyone watched. Classrooms have had to be cleared because he was throwing chairs and ripping things off the walls.

    We didn't have an IEP until just last year, but he's been suspended a ridiculous amount of times. The school set up a safe place for him to escape to, and that helped a lot. Is your boy suffering from anxiety? We were surprised when anxiety disorder got added to the ADHD diagnosis. I hate labels, but sometimes they can be helpful if it adds to understanding what you're seeing.

    It's been a long road, and we're far from a daisy strewn path, but once you find the function of the behavior--he is trying to tell everyone something--you can start putting supports in place, often having to fight the school district. Read up on what your son's rights are and get prepared to state your case.

    Explosive Child is a good book that helped many of us and was actually recommended by my grandson's kindergarten teacher. We all changed our attitude from "What is wrong with this kid?!" To "If he could do good, he would" and try and tease out what skills he is lacking and put s plan in place. People will come along with advice, too. There are worksheets that list behaviors so you can a clearer picture of what his strengths and weaknesses are. You pick a few and make a plan, and everyone has to be in on the plan. One adult not on board (ours was the PE teacher) can set a kid up for a bad day.

    It's hard, but. I'll bet it gets better because you're on it and looking for answers. Hugs, Warrior Mom. Boy, do we get it.
     
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi kim. I read your post with a sinking heart. A six year old obviously (to me) doesn't do what your son is doing because he is "naughty" and needs to be disciplined. Our approach to and understanding of special needs still seems so crude, so unsophisticated. Just an intuition, but could it be the big class sizes that are freaking him out? Running away is a response of fear, a statement that he cannot cope, isn't it? As he is clearly bright, is he able to verbalise his feelings at all, explain why he wants to run away?

    Is there any possibility that you could change him to a SMALL private school that will "get" that he has special needs, as yet undefined? Perhaps you need to keep him in the public system to get an IEP? I am outside the States so do not know how things work. As to diagnosis, you do of course need a thorough assessment and soon. My son is ADHD and he doesn't sound very much like your son - for whatever that is worth, which is not very much :) Diagnoses cannot be given over the internet, sight unseen.

    Good luck. I hope help and understanding come your way soonish rather than later.
     
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Still no IEP? I don't have much to offer, but just to second the idea that he has a safe place to go to in the room, or in most places where he spends time at school. Like a special quiet place on playground, a corner of the lunchroom, and maybe a pop up tent or a place where other kids can't easily see him in the regular classroom.

    When I worked as a para we had a similar child and they made a small set of laminated cards on a key ring. There was probably 4 photos on it, and he could choose which place or thing to do. Like a book in the po up tent (it was only about 3x4', a small hammock that hung in an out of the way location, pick a quiet toy from a shoe box of "fidget" toys and the other photo was an the "isolation" room...a small walk in closet with padded walls. There was a window in the door and a light was on. A para had to stay in the room with him.

    If the child wouldn't pick a choice, then we would say "well, you don't want the tent, or the hammock, or a toy, so that must mean you want to go to the quiet room." He would shake his head but still wouldn't select an appropriate behavior. So we would say "XXX wants to go to the quiet room" when he wouldn't walk to the quiet room, we would say "do you want to walk to the room, hop or slide?" When he wouldn't go to the room we would then announce "XXX wants to slide to the quiet room". By this time or even before he would be lying on the floor refusing to get up. So the teacher and I would each hold an arm and physical drag, errrr "slide" him to the room. Then I would get to be battered by this child. He was 5. Acted nonverbal to the staff, but would occasionally use words with the other kids.

    I gave my notice two months in to the school year. I hated this job.

    But it was not safe for this child to be near the other kids. Things could be going well, kids playing, then he would bite someone and then laugh! He tried to pull down little girls pants, put his hands down my blouse, spit on people, throw chairs, try to stab or cut people with scissors during craft time.

    Luckily, it doesn't sound like your child has harmed other kids. If they do try medications, ask them if they can do the DNA testing to find the best medications for him. Make sure insurance will cover the test first.

    Good luck. KSM
     
  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, Kim

    It seems that the only time that your son has problems is pre-school/school.

    And now they want to medicate him so that he will fit into the system.

    That makes me wonder.

    Wonder whether if he really needs to be medicated, or whether he is just not ready for a school-type setting.

    Just because, in fairly recent history, we have decreed that all 6 year-olds must go to a large building filled with strangers and lots of activity and noises and spend the majority of their waking hours doing whatever somebody tells them to do, doesn't mean it works for every kid. Especially very young kids. Especially boys.

    Maybe he just is not ready for that?

    Only you can decide that.

    I know that, for my daughter (now 11) it would have been a disaster. She would have been put in Special Education. She would have been labeled. She would have been medicated.

    She couldn't even read (just barely) at the end of 2nd grade. She had some behavior problems stemming from her bio-dad's situation.

    Now, just this past spring, she tested in the 99th percentile on EVERY subject on the Iowa Tests. And she is the most perfect child you could imagine.



    We still homeschool, though we have talked about private school. Decided to put it off at least another year. But either way, she will do fine.

    My hubby (not her bio-dad) was fine with trying homeschooling, because of the trauma his oldest son had in school, in Special Education and being medicated. We decided to try something different.

    Not trying to put you off of school/Special Education/medication. Just want to introduce another point of view.

    You deserve to be informed of all your options.

    Then choose the best one for you specific situation.

    Apple
     
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  6. kim75062

    kim75062 Member

    The only private school option here is the catholic schools. Which I did go to a catholic school as a small child but I know they will be less equipped to deal with him. They are finally working on an IEP for him but I think its pointless if they cant manage him long enough to do any of the testing.
     
  7. kim75062

    kim75062 Member

    I really do believe it is some kind of anxiety issue with him. He has a bean bag in the class room he can go to to "cool off". but im not there in the class so who knows what they are actually doing for him. Im going to look for that book on amazon as soon as I finish replying here.
     
  8. kim75062

    kim75062 Member


    I am all for homeschooling as I have very little faith in the public school here. He says he wants to go to school and he is going to have a great day and is all happy to go every morning. Then by 9-10am the phone calls start to come get him. When I get there he looks scared to death and miserable.
     
  9. kim75062

    kim75062 Member

    Thanks for the reply's everyone! Its still mind boggling to me that this sweet loving little boy that I see is acting like the monster child they are describing to me.The choice to keep him home or send him to school everyday is becoming more difficult for me. Public schools are a one size fits all solution for a very basic education. They are driven by leaders that are only out for high test scores and leave little time or resources for anything to be individualized. I know kids with disabilities have rights and all that but really why should I have to fight for them? Why wouldn't the very people that are experts in their field and in charge of 1000s of children's educations not want to make sure every child is successful and happy. I would of thought that these people went in to this line of work because they actually cared about ALL the children.
    I did keep him home today instead of sending him to school for in school suspension all day. I refuse to send him to a place where he will be punished for mistakes he made the day before. I have made it very clear to the school that we start each day fresh and do NOT hold a grudge. Kids with these issues need disciplined consistently and immediately for there to be any effect. There is no point in setting him out for a miserable day. He has the rest of his adult life to be miserable doing grown up things he doesn't want to do with people he probably doesn't like because he has to. Id rather him not have to deal with that at 6 years old. Its been only 2 weeks into this school year and already I'm exhausted with people telling me I need to "fix" my son. I am perfectly happy with him exactly as he is and have no desire to change him in anyway. Some kids don't fit into that box of "typical" compliant little sheep that the school system expects them to be. I do however want to get his testing finished at the school to make sure that he truly can not control himself. I really don't understand how any 5 or 6 year old child can be thrown into a building filled with 100s of strangers that tell them what to do every minute of the day for 8 hours straight could be not have some form of anxiety. Whatever diagnosis they find will only help me, help him be the best him he can be.
     
  10. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    Could it be that he is advanced for his age and the grade he would be in in regular school? From what you said he is way above where most of my kids are at my daycare. I have 18 months to 2 years old. Some know a few numbers a couple colors and try to sing their ABC and speak well but none are like what you talk about your son being at that age. If he isn't being challenged because he is advanced it could lead to disruptive behavior. If he also has anxiety about being in large groups then that disruptive behavior could be worse.
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    kim, it sounds as if, for reasons that he perhaps is too young to have diagnosed, he can not handle the hype and routine of school. Reasons for this can be sensory integration disorder and many levels, even mild, of autistic spectrum disorder. Often they go together. You may have to wait until he is older to find out why, but your son is not acting this way to be contrary. He can't do better or he would. its not anyones fault.

    if this were my son I would skip the idea of a parochial school....they tend to understand even less, wrongly blame parents more and be less tolerant of defiant looking behavior. My high functioning autistic son and Learning Disability (LD) daughter went to Catholic school for two years. They didn't misbehave, but neither learned much as there was no extra attention, even though the classes were small.

    If you can do it, I'd keep homeschooling until you know more and can get him interventions to help him cope. I homeschooled a year and it wasn't for me but I did find an active honeschooling social group for the kids and we did a lot of fun stuff.

    Not all kids can do well in regular school.

    if you live in the U.S. and have not taken your son to a neuro psychologist, I would. They are psychologists with additional training in the brain. They often have long waiting lists, but that is because they are so good at diagnosing. They are very intensive in all areas and often catch important issues that other diagnoticians miss.

    I wish you good luck. Stop blaming yourself or your son. There is no fault here.

    One last comment. Good teachers are golden angels, but they are not psychologists and I found not very good at guessing what is wrong with a child or why and none have the right to tell you to medicate your son. They also are not experts in teaching kids who are different. I had to help many teachers help my son get a good education. Most were eager to take advice and some were hostile. Teachers are educators, not psychologists, so dont forget that. Stick to the true experts when you get feedback. Teachers have exposure to children, but they dont have the extensive education about child hood differences that neuro psychologists do and are not legally qualified to diagnose your situation. Dont let them. See a neuro psychologist.

    Take care.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2016
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Your son is lucky to have you. I think you have a great grasp of what I believe should be the fundamental belief behind teaching ALL children - that children do well when they are ABLE, not when they want to. Kids always want to please adults, some just are not capable of handling what we expect of them.

    I think you have a highly intelligent little boy with a number of challenges. First, he is probably incredibly bored. This can be a death sentence for his public school education because no one really focuses on teaching the brilliant or exceptional student. Those students are expected to 'go along' and cope well. Reality is that bored kids act out, and for some reason bored little boys generally have WAY more energy and imagination than most adults can handle, esp if they have a classroom full of other kids. How do I know? My son taught himself to read before his 3rd birthday. Finding a school that could cope with him was a real challenge.

    Your son needs to be taught at HIS level, and it is likely at least a grade above his same age peers. I would NOT go for a catholic school. I flat out refused to put my children in one after I interviewed several teachers at 2 different catholic schools. One teacher, to whom I am still grateful, met me in the parking lot after we spoke with the principal. She begged me to not put my son in her class. She would have 24 other students who mostly didn't know the alphabet very well and then my son who was reading chapter books with 80+ pages in under 2 hours. She couldn't see anything but a disaster and at least a public school could be forced to test him and meet his needs. She was very correct.

    I think your son may also have sensory integration issues. Running away is actually rather common when overwhelmed, esp with young children. I would have a private Occupational Therapist test your child for sensory integration disorder. It is an amazing challenge with some amazing solutions. The best therapies are a sensory diet and brushing therapy, or Wilbarger's as it is often called. With Sensory integration disorder the brain does not deal with sensory input in the 'normal' way. It is misread or misinterpreted and can cause major problems, and it takes many forms. A sensory diet is providing the sensations that the brain wants and needs in order to help the child develop the brain skills to cope. Most kids LOVE the sensations that are needed in their sensory diet and it is actually very easy to find the right elements. Kids naturally gravitate to the things that will help as those things feel good to them. My youngest spent easily half of his tv and computer game time sitting on his head on our couch when he was little. It felt good to him. It didn't harm anything so it didn't occur to me to stop it, but the Occupational Therapist (OT) we worked with told us that it actually was helping him. With each of my kids I have found that they seek out those sensations that they need, even if the same sensations would make me miserable or even ill.

    Brushing therapy is, in my mind, truly incredible. It uses a surgical scrub brush to brush the body in a particular pattern and order. You MUST be taught this by a professional because doing it wrong can cause SEVERE problems. Brushing can be done over clothing or under, and takes a shockingly small amount of time to perform properly. It helps teach the brain how the body sends signals. It has actually been proven to change the way the brain uses and interprets nerve signals from the senses!! There is NO, ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH, NADA medication to be taken or given. It isn't terribly expensive once the Occupational Therapist (OT) is paid for. The changes I have seen in kids are nothing short of a miracle. My youngest used to only be able to handle about 2 to 2.5 days of school per week before he was in total sensory overload. He would just sit and shake and shake and shake and not be able to eat or talk or cope with anything. Working with a good Occupational Therapist (OT) and a VERY understanding school made a HUGE difference. We went from missing half of every week in kindergarten and first grade (and he HATED staying home from school, he just couldn't cope with it every day) to missing about 1.5 days in 2nd grade and only 1 day a week in 4th grade. Since 4th grade he hasn't stayed home for sensory reasons at all and has only missed a total of 8 days in 6 years. This was done with-o medication of any kind. thank you, my youngest, is also very smart and he was able to be at the top of his class even when he missed half the school week every week.

    I strongly recommend reading The Out of Sync Child and THe Out of Sync Child Has Fun, both by Kranowitz. If I could only buy one it would be the Has Fun because that is less theory and has tons of activities to provide the sensory diet and ways to do the activities for less money. I believe my family read 2 copies of Has Fun to death, literally until they fell apart. I also gave away 3 copies to friends who had kids with problems and wanted to borrow my copy.

    I suggest you look into homeschooling. There are MANY groups for homeschoolers where you could meet with other moms and work to keep the kids engaged and social while tailoring the activities to what your child needs and can cope with. I don't believe homeschooling is right for every family or child, or even for every child every year. I have homeschooled each of my older 2 kids at various times and for various reasons. My daughter was a nightmare to homeschool in grade 1 but until we moved her school was unsafe. Boy was i glad when we moved and could enroll her!! and she absolutely LOVED going to school, so it was great all around. My older one had 2 years of homeschooling because he had a teacher who loathed him (her word, not mine!) and he was only learning anything during the one day of enrichment classes he had every other week. I wasn't sending him to school for babysitting, so that annoyed me. Later my son went to school in another district and did fairly well though not nearly up to his potential. My daughter ended up homeschooling for high school due to health issues. She has done well also.

    I thought homeschooling my kids was fun. Life should be a classroom, and lessons can be wrapped up into almost anything - often without a child even noticing that they are learning! This is esp true in the young years. If you choose to explore this, and want info or help finding info, let me know. I can send you info via private messages about things I did and learned. I actually rather miss homeschooling my kids!

    I hope some of this helps. Use what helps and ignore the rest. Another book you might find invaluable is "What Your Explosive Child IS Trying To Tell You" by Doug Riley. Dr. Riley used to post here every couple of years and this is an amazing book. He seems to really understand our kids and that they don't explode for no reason at all.
     
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  13. kim75062

    kim75062 Member

    Its so nice to hear from others that don't think I'm crazy lol I will look into those books and the more Ive thought about it the more I will probably keep him home. I have an appointment with the psy at the school at 830 am Tuesday and will go up there and talk to him. See if he/she is willing to talk to him that day or not and if not just be done with it all and withdraw him. I spend all day everyday he is there waiting for a phone call. I never go more then 5 mins away from the school because I want to get there ASAP if he needs me. The fact that the police dept and campus security beat me to the school and I was already in my car 1 block away when i got the phone call has me more pissed off then anything. What did they really expect the police to do? arrest a 6 year old for assult (kicking the para) mid meltdown? Hes a baby still! I cant believe that the school employees can not grasp the fact that any child would not act like this by choice. I so glad he didnt notice the police officers where outside the door. We do a lot of charity work for the police dept and I have spent his entire life teaching him to run TO the police and not away from them. To think that all could of been destroyed in a few mins time. And I loved homeschooling him for the rest of kinder. I just really like having a paycheck to.
     
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You have great instincts! Please continue to trust them even if others say or think that you are going bonkers. The biggest and most damaging mistakes I have made as a parent were made because I listened to others or my brain when my instincts screamed to do something else.

    Isn't it rather scary that the school could even think of calling the police on a 6yo child who was clearly in distress? Some people clearly have no common sense. I am glad your son was not made to feel scared of the police due to a few adults acting without thinking.

    I totally understand feeling torn between homeschooling your child and earning that extra paycheck. It can be a difficult decision and no one would fault you or think less of you regardless of your decision. When we first started to homeschool, my husband and I were more like ships passing in the night than a couple. He worked days and I took a part time job in the evenings, so we spent about 30 min in the evening when he got home and before I left. He was usually asleep by the time I got home. It was not easy but it was WELL worth it.

    I think some schools are just not equipped to deal with children unless they fit in the little box just like a square apple. If your child is even a tiny bit round, then all the school can think of is to hammer on the child until those round edges are all squared up, even if it damages the child. I dealt with a lot of that by spending the day up at the school volunteering so that if there was a problem, I was right there to help. It was a strange year, and I have never been so happy to remove my child from a situation as I was when we pulled my son out. I hope some of the info is helpful.

    Do you know of any other homeschooling families in your area? Could you work out a cooperative situation to arrange to work 1-2 days a week, trading off babysitting and teaching duties? It can be harder with a child who is challenging, but I have seen situations where it worked out amazingly well. Honestly, it sounds to me like your son just isn't ready to sit still for the booooooooooring lessons or to have to cope with the sounds, sights, smells and other experiences of elementary school. Some kids just are not ready at six, and I think it is more a failure of the school than the child.
     
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  15. kim75062

    kim75062 Member

    Thanks Susie. Yes I do know another mom with 3 kids that all have ADHD and other behavior issues that were all deemed "unteachable" by the same school. She is now homeschooling all 3 with amazing results. I do always trust my instincts. They have never lead me the wrong way. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and you end up exactly where you are supposed to be. I also know I way to busy to figure out the reasons and truthfully they are irrelevant anyway.

    Someone else mentioned a sensory disorder. I had looked into that also because he hates very loud sudden noises. He is fine blasting a radio or having the TV up to where the speakers are going to blow as long as he is the one that did it or was expecting it. If someone slams a door or suddenly turns the volume up high he will immediately cover his ears. (why I think he hated being in PE in a big gym with all the echoing noise) I asked the pediatrician to find me an audiologist to take him to because of it.
     
  16. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    I have students that use headphones. When they feel okay, I see them slipping one ear off, then the other. Sometimes they fade using them all together, sometimes not. Sounds like an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation would give you good information. Checking for auditory ground issues (ability to pick up the pertinent sounds from all they sounds they hear). School-based OTs are looking for more fine motor stuff as it relates to hand writing, ability to sit in chairs and muscle imbalances. My students often have "sensory diets" to do at school, but more often that not, it comes from their private OTs. My district also has OTs come in once a week for sensory motor groups for our special day classes which has been helpful.
     
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  17. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    Has he had any formal testing, like neuropsychologist to get to the bottom of what is going on?

    A walk in psychiatric clinic is not the way to go. He needs a formal educational and neuropsychologist evaluation to figure out what you are dealing with. There is no way any plan will work until you know what the actual issues are.

    I'm not sure that just removing him from school is the right answer, because there is a problem that exists and this problem can't be helped by avoiding it. There are going to be other situations in his life that are going to require him to need to follow the rules and directions of others.

    Sports teams, other types of lessons (art, music, etc) college, the work force.
     
  18. kim75062

    kim75062 Member

    The meeting with the school psy and speech therapist went well. I've meet with them before and They are both really great people and seem to "get" these kids. We went over the "ADHD and Autism book" pretty much more fill in the bubble stuff but with them asking me questions and filling in the bubble themselves while taking notes.

    Ive had my son home with me since Thursdays incident. Apparently they didn't suspend him on paper again. They thought in school suspension would be better for him but never told me that was the actual plan until I called several times today and finally got a hold of the principal. I explained to him AGAIN that punishment needs to be immediate and consistent, not the next day. I got the basic "we have policy's and take this seriously babble". I told him what works for typical kids will not work for mine and to come up with a better plan for next time. If he does something violent or completely outrageous again he can spend the rest of the SAME day in ISS for everyone's safety. But not the next day. I get there has to be consequences for his actions and bad choices but I'm still not convinced that the extreme behavior is a conscious choice. What leads up to these behaviors I do believe is his own bad choices most of the time. (refusing to participate and telling the teacher no.) I called the director of campus operations today and he seemed just as pissed as me about the calling the police thing. The counsler that was with him did not know him at all or anything about him. all she knew was he was getting violent and the para said they where not allowed to restrain him. (me personally I would of been standing on the OTHER side on the glass door and let him kick the door not me.) I would of thought the para that is with him all day would know its in his behavior plan to call me as soon as there is or it looks like there's going to be an issue but i guess not. I got A bunch of apologies etc. and the it will never happen again speech. He begged me not to pull him out again and they will figure it out and help him succeed. We will see I guess.

    I'm also not sure removing him from school is the right choice for the long run either. I know that for the short term it is the easy way out for both of us and that's usually always the wrong choice. Its so hard to think of him being miserable all day in a place that brings out the absolute worst in him but he keeps saying he wants to go to school. He has his evaluation with the psy tomorrow in the classroom setting. I'm sure that will give us way more insight as to whats going on. They asked me today how he is in rooms with lots of other people when I'm not there........How do I know if I'm not there? and where would a six year old be in a room full of strangers without a parent or someone else he knows and trusts?

    Also on the plus side someone cancelled an appointment for the child psy I found and he got bumped up to mid November. I also got a hold of a behavioral psychologist today that is going to call me tomorrow to set up an appointment. So hopefully it will be sooner.
     
  19. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    I find it strange that he wants to go to school, when he so clearly doesn't seem to like it there. My little one had a period of time where she cried not wanting to go to school because she didn't like what they were doing in school, but she had known delays and was crying because she needed more help than some of the other kids. (Which is weird because it was a special needs pre and there were kids who were obviously a lot more delayed than her, but that was her thing, who knows)

    I definitely don't think this is conscious behavior on you son's part. I am no psychologist, so I can't even venture a guess as to what it could be causing this. Honestly, the flight or fight thing sounds like anxiety, but who knows.

    My ADHD bored kid was more of the fidgety, play with stuff, talk to neighbor kind of distracting. Not the actual acting out kind of distracting.

    Do you have any idea where he is in comparison to his peers academically? On grade level, above, below, a mix?

    Maybe by asking you about other places they were thinking maybe he took some sort of lessons, or scouts, or sports or something?
     
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  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Have you sent them a certified letter asking for an IEP? This is a crucial thing, and must be sent via certified letter preferably with return receipt requested so someone must sign for the letter. This puts a timeline in place that the school MUST have him evaluated within and then they must give him whatever services are required. These are all federal laws and are NOT optional for the school even if they make excuses for missing deadlines. They run the risk of forfeiting federal subsidies and all federal programs if they violate the timelines. Knowing the IEP laws is your best way to get the help he needs. It also means they CANNOT suspend him, not even ISS, for behaviors he cannot help. Just asking for an IEP evaluation in person does NOT mean they have to do it. You MUST ask for it in writing and have proof of the date delivered to make the federal timelines enforceable.

    I found that buying the Wrightlaw book on IEPs was a very smart investment. Not only did I have info on my child's rights, taking the book to the IEP meetings and to meetings about the school breaking the IEP seemed to really make them believe that I understood his rights AND would fight to enforce them. It is a confusing system, and the schools are often really good at double talk to confuse you. I did my own things to confuse them after I caught on to this. one was to make sure there were color coded postit notes in the books I took to meetings. I had the wrightslaw book, a book on autism, and a couple of other books we found helpful. Usually most of the postits were meaningless, but one or two in a specific color were things I would reference. As it was always me in a room with four to ten people from the school who openly tried to intimidate me, I felt NO remorse for doing some things like that. They were effective because after the first 2 times they tried to intimidate and rush me through the process, wanting me to just sign off on whatever they wanted and get out of the room, they stopped playing games. Catching some enormous whoppers and the Special Education teacher falsifying his IEP helped, of course. But refusing to rubberstamp their generic IEP was what my son needed, and may be what yours needs too.
     
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