This is (to me) another 64,000 dollar question. How far is my son's behaviour due to his brain malfunctioning, how much to my supposed lack of authority and the fact that I am on my own with him? As I have said, France is a country in which children are highly disciplined and regulated - they are constantly being told what to do, or to stop doing. Some people would say this is a very good thing. I think it's good as far as it goes (which is perhaps not all that far) - much emphasis is placed on becoming socially accepted, for example, but little on becoming a kind, compassionate, tolerant human being. Anyway, in this society, J sticks out like a sore thumb - everywhere we go, people think he is wild and badly brought up. I have also mentioned a recent "disagreement" with a friend (and I am not sure she is still a friend) over the fact that her 9 year old got very upset and angry with Jacob because J called him names and then later had a tantrum in which J spoke to me very disrespectfully and would not listen to me. I do understand why this would upset a child - shakes all his notions of boundaries and what is acceptable. And afterwards the friend again repeated what she and others have said to me, that I am not "strict" enough with J - the implication being that because I am not, he is the way he is... It is something that has me confused. J acts up far worse with me than he does with others - this, I am told, is "normal". He listens to others more than he listens to me... and obviously it is not for want of trying. I do not LIKE or approve of the way he speaks to me and certainly he is ruder to me than to other adults - he would not dare talk to his "maitresse" (teacher) like that, for example. When we go to see the doctor, the doctor speaks to him in a very firm, tough voice and J does what he says (briefly anyway - sitting still on the chair, for example...). And so... I'd like to know what you think and what your own experiences are. Would J be a better behaved, more "normal" child if I somehow managed to exert greater authority on him?? Is it partly my "fault"??