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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
7 months on...i'm back
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<blockquote data-quote="Lost in sadness" data-source="post: 746560" data-attributes="member: 21056"><p>I do not feel judged by anyone on this site. Your words give me strength and they are, of course, all true! I know he is mistreating me. I know he uses me. I know he is only ok if he is ok. I know I walk on eggshells. I know all of these things yet I cannot find the courage to let him go. Sometimes he is lovely. I realise its usually when I am saying yes. I wash his clothes and buy him things so he looks nice and smells nice so I don't have to be embarrassed of him. So I feel ok. Sad isn't it? I kind of feel sorry for him and I have no idea why. He is always playing the victim and he always blames me for everything and he is so convincing, I doubt myself. I work as a psychotherapist, a job that is very hard right now and I know it is the stuff I have learnt that plays a part here. Its the nature/ nurture thing and I cannot help but feel to blame for the way he is. I feel guilty that my own inadequacies in the early years of parenting have made him the way he is. I have lost control, got angry, said mean and hurtful things. It is me that has damaged him. It is my fault. I know this does not excuse some of this stuff but I feel I am abandoning him as his mother. I am guilty. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lost in sadness, post: 746560, member: 21056"] I do not feel judged by anyone on this site. Your words give me strength and they are, of course, all true! I know he is mistreating me. I know he uses me. I know he is only ok if he is ok. I know I walk on eggshells. I know all of these things yet I cannot find the courage to let him go. Sometimes he is lovely. I realise its usually when I am saying yes. I wash his clothes and buy him things so he looks nice and smells nice so I don't have to be embarrassed of him. So I feel ok. Sad isn't it? I kind of feel sorry for him and I have no idea why. He is always playing the victim and he always blames me for everything and he is so convincing, I doubt myself. I work as a psychotherapist, a job that is very hard right now and I know it is the stuff I have learnt that plays a part here. Its the nature/ nurture thing and I cannot help but feel to blame for the way he is. I feel guilty that my own inadequacies in the early years of parenting have made him the way he is. I have lost control, got angry, said mean and hurtful things. It is me that has damaged him. It is my fault. I know this does not excuse some of this stuff but I feel I am abandoning him as his mother. I am guilty. :( [/QUOTE]
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7 months on...i'm back
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