7 year old called cops this morning !!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Sep 10, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! This morning we started at 5:30am tickleing, saying get up bath ( wouldnt take one yesterday came home late from Cub Scouts meeting at 8:30 refused bath) and I gave up and said Im going back to bed this morning gnight. Well he threw tantrum kickicking doors etc. My dad took the phones away cuz my son always threatens to call cops and calls my dad constantly. So I took a super couple min bath and as soon as I got out, door bell ranf. Thought thats weird at 6:30 est thi am? Thought maybe my grandpas caregivers.. walked to the front and a cop turned the corner!!!!!! OMG!!! I was all, yes? He goes " everything ok here, we got a call" I said yes sir, we didnt call, and he kept nicely repeating isnt your phone number ....... and I said yes but we didnt call, maybe a neighbor? He said no, this house. Hmm, I got quite and said" had to be my son but when he tantrums we take all phones and hide em in my room" He said he called somehow, ok well I told him my son possible ADHD or something and he asked if he was on medications. i said no cuz doctors kept saying all boy etc. Well, I asked him if he wanted to come in and see him for himself and told him hed have to break or somehow unlock his door cuz he locked it. Well, he just looked at me and I said ok, let me see if hee will come out and he said ill be here. I went in my son refused. Back out, told cop he refused, showed him his window and he tried looking in after my son peaked out but couldnt see. I said sir, please Im asking u to go in, and talk to him I don't know what else to do, he screams, damages, bites himself, refuses get ready for school. Cop said I cant force him to school thats not my jurisdiction" I said I know , he took my name date birth, my sons too.

    He left and my son wanted to call him back to tell him I spanked him on his butt a while back and held him down! Well The pediatrician gave me permission to do it when he was out of control ( hurting self or going after us) before!! Yes, I have leaned over him but gave him enough space to kick, pinch and bite me, he can move his head and breathe. Those times he was going after us with scissors, sharp toys etc. No I wont do that again nor will I confine him if hes being violent, I quit spanking him on his butt ( thats legal still) I went with him to school ( my dad usually drives cuz I am not always ready to go with my sons issues I am exhausted - no excuse but its migrane/chest pain sometimes city for me) Anyway, we got there I talked to his last years teacher, he started to scream and yelled shut up so the seceraty and her heard him. I went back up talked to his Principal who just pulled up turned my head and there was his last years teacher, this year and 3rd grade teacher fininshing dressing him!!!! ( told them bout cops, history again etc- told his last year teacher well, if u thought I was mean abusive etc u woulda called the cops right?She said" Uh ya!!!" The Principal said she doesnt know what they can help with when dr send them the info questionare cuz he hisnt violent at school only issues with h.with- classwork. I said I know Im trying to keep it that way, but thats y everyone says its me cuz he blows at home, with family and stores. She just looked at me. I said if it wasnt for u all and the forum I am on I don't know what I would do, I have video at home, uu wanna see it? She didnt say anything. I said sorry about staring your day this way, but if you all talked or you had issues w him. She said its fine, and she will wait for the papers and give them to the teachers.

    My neighbor who her daughter is the one my son hit, whether playfully, angry playfully or angry didn't even know, her daughter didnt tell her. I apologized and she said dont worry I understand. She lives next door and hears all this hell, you can hear all this down the block and yes we have yelled back like a child! I know, that makes it worse, it starts with us showing him by example we are just out of ideas and everything else.:9-07tears:I wish I could upload his kicking the doors and screaming somehow ( not showing his face or mine or names) I feel I have to prove everything that everyone thinks I am a lier :( Im not saying you all think that- I just feel that, others esp the doctors over the years, my aunt and an ex friend. The only thing I remember ever lying about was taking ciggerates and alcohol from my dad and step mom,and sneaking in boys thats it!! Oh I had trouble in math college course so I didnt tell family anything cuz I had other classes. I just said its always the same with my grades cuz it was they knew i was failing so i didnt bring it up



    I know I am far from perfect but I love my kids, I would do anything for them, they are my life.
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Wow... what a morning! First, do videotape him if you can do so without him knowing. Show this to the doctor. Second, send a letter by certified mail to the head of your district's Special Education department. In that letter you are to request that your son receive a "full and complete" evaluation as you have reason to believe that he has an undetermined disability that affects his ability to access his free and appropriate public education. Do not email, speak to or hand in paperwork. Send it all certified mail as it sets in motion federally mandated timelines that the school must meet or they are out of compliance. Next, you want your doctor to refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist that treats children and an occupational therapist. You need to get a handle on what is going on with him. it could be any number of things but there are signs that he is having sensory issues... these often go hand in hand with other problems.

    (((Hugs))) Your love for your little guy is really evident.
     
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Confused, I agree with-Tiredmommy. Videotape your son, and make an apt for a full evaluation. This is not All Boy. (I was told that, too. :( )
    Also, do you think he is old enough to understand that a false alarm costs money, and that each time he calls, he has to help pay for it, either with cash or more chores?
    Maybe that would put a lid on his wish for more 911 calls. Tell him, quietly and in a calm moment, that the police are not here to help us get over hurt feelings for hurt butts. They are here for people who have been shot or who are having a heart attack, or who are in a huge car accident. If he takes things literally, you will have to be careful in your phrasing, because it could come back to bite you.
    What a morning! I'm so sorry.
     
  4. Confused

    Confused Guest

    tiredmommy, He is not in the Public Schools System, he is in a Private school and they do not have a Special Education class but some teachers do have experience with special needs kids of all sorts. I thought briefly about switching him but he claims he is really happy there and will be even madder if I switched. Its something to consider tho! He has a pediatrician appointment tomorrow and I will not leave until they give me the referrals! I do have some bits of him screaming but not the full deal anymore. I thought I did but after the Dr said he's "all boy let him grow" I guess I did erase it.

    TerryJ2, My phone holds up to 30 min long video but its full with actual nice vids of my son laughing and smiling ( Christmas,Birthday, average days- it has happened!) But I will have to earase it cuz I need as much proof! Im going to buy a nannycam tomorrow if my grandfather is willing to help me out, Im sure he will, it will be hidden but will record for hours! I told him this morning 911 is not for what he called for. He said" you were trying to kill me because you held me down and I couldnt breathe" and youve spanked me before. Ummm, yes I held him down but like I stated he was still able to move his head and body enough to kick , bite, etc me! And yes, he does take things literally! Oh my friends as well as my neighbors daughter was here when I did that and they said nothing and saw nothing wrong, my friend even held him down once. He says a lot of lies to get us to call my dad or to do something. He said he will go to his dads if his dad has a dog or cat ( we dont have either but he has a hamster, turtle and fish) and I reminded him his dad will use a belt, remember when you visited him I had to stop him? He didnt remember but my daughter did. I don't know

    Thank you both!!!
     
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Confused, can't you send your fun videos of your difficult child to your computer? Either by email or with-a plug? I'd hate to see them just disappear. I like seeing good pics of my son because there were all too many moments when I thought there would never be any more. :) Sometimes when you get too "down," you need to see a photo or video of the good, happy kid you know is in there somewhere. :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2013
  6. Confused

    Confused Guest

    TerryJ2, this particular phone I don't have service to send it but with the plug, I will see if my daughter has room on hers, great Idea!!!! Yea, I hear ya, having happy moments is like a blessing and just wonderful :)
     
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Three things:

    1. You can still request a evaluation through the public school system even if he attends private school.

    2. You need to have someone (a doctor, psychologist, social worker) train you and anyone that will be holding down your son during his episodes. This is to ensure that it is done safely and properly. It also can prevent you from being charged with abuse.

    3. Contact your police department when your son is at school. Explain what has been going on and that you would like to either bring him in or have someone come by to help you make the message clear that he musn't call 911 except in a true emergency.
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    In our state, the public schools don't have to offer any services to kids in private schools. II'm not even sure they have to evaluate them. I would go with a private neuropsychologist. This kid is not getting any help and he is already way over the edge.
     
  9. Confused

    Confused Guest

    I will check about the public school if they will help anyway, my neighbor that I just talked to tried to get me into a neuro evaluation years ago and they said I needed a referral, she called them again and this guy said, "yes" you need to get him evaluated but I wont work with medicaid, there are others in town.

    And the Dr.s office showed me how to hold him but I just dont have the strength to do it anymore nor will I because hes saying Im abusing him even tho it was by the pediatrician advice!!!! The other way I described, yes bad, but he was not hurt but I do agree with you.

    And yes! I been trying to get a neuropsychologist done for years buts its all about them giving me a referral but I feel I will get one tomorrow!! I may be wrong, but Im going to beg and plead- again!!! Not leave until I have one- well- several cuz I wanted him sleep studied too,, and he has one for his eyes in Dec- need a referral for that too blah. Only if I was a millionaire would this have been solved !!!

    I pray for you all as well as praying for my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you :) Hugs back.Tommorow is the day, with the past speech therapist, 2 teachers, now him calling the cops, he's 7, it just has to change- they have to help now ... oh and my neighbor Im gonna show them that my neighbor has been trying saying he needs help and show him the numbers she wrote down for testing!!!

    Yes, I already plan to drive by the Police Department after his Dr.s appointment 2morrow with what I pray will be referrals in my hand so I can let the cops know whats up and they can talk to him. Strangely my son wants to be a cop- said this for years!
     
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    SOME things can be solved with money... like jumping queues and getting evaluations.
    But the real answers usually don't involve money. They require an involved, informed, caring parent. Unfortunately... being "informed" sometimes means needing those $$$$ evaluations!
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Our state doesn't do anything for kids in private schools too. Many differently wired kids don't do well in private school where expectations are high in every way, especially polite behavior.
     
  12. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    My child was evaluated by our school district while attending a private pre-k.
     
  13. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hello Confused. Sorry you are going through all this... it isn't easy.
    Just a question: have you read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene? I don't want to make out that it's the panacea to all ills but I find it very valuable... something of a light in the dark of explosions.
    The thing about explosions is that there is a moment when they still can be arrested or, better still, prevented. I'm just thinking aloud here but I wonder whether there was any chance that your whole morning's fiasco could have been averted if your son had felt his initial concern had been addressed. Not easy at 5.30 in the morning!!!! But... I wonder whether if there had been some discussion as to why he wanted a bath straight away and in which you were able to state your desire to go back to bed, none of this might ever have happened.
    You know your son, you know whether that might be feasible or not. In the case of my son, the way in which he is spoken to and dealt with kind of predicates everything, determines whether there will be an explosion or not. Yes, it is very exhausting and I wish it weren't such hard work all the time! But it is less hard work than dealing with the fallout from explosions.
    Just a few thoughts.
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    TM, it depends on the state. Some do, some don't. Wisconsin doesn't. Depends on where you live. There are so many differences in states that you really have to check with your department of public instruction. We had to remove our kids from private school because the school itself did not have to provide services or testing...in the end, it was the best thing, at least for my two kids. I think states like NY and CA do have to provide services, even if youu homeschool. It is quite varied.
     
  15. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Very True InsaneCdn!

    MidwestMom- True, and they do focus on that more, so far he hasn't had outbursts there, just the concentration thing! Oh, well to the exception of yesterday morning yelling ShutUp!!! out of the car where everyone heard and the teachers had to puts sock, shoe and belt on :( but, Those three teachers are solidly working with him daily and the Principal called him into her office to ask him if he was ok and just listened to him talk :) So, at the moment, I will take it day by day.

    tiredmommy, Im glad yours helped :)

    Malika, yes I have read the book when you all suggested it the other year :) Time to re-read it :) I see what your saying and it does make things worse if they are spoken to in certain ways. My son is the same way, but even sometimes when we are not having a problems and we are soft spoken , giggly etc he will get upset/blow. 5:30 is early, I never wanted my kids up until 6 or 6:30am ( we leave at 7am to meet another parent there with her child at 7:15- She has to drive to other side of town for work) , they walk down at 7:30am- plus it takes 10- 15 minutes depending traffic to get to school. But When I did try those times on an extremely rare ocasion hes up dressed quickly and in good mood, yes 30 minutes will do it incl breakfast. But 90% plus of the other times he can take an hour or more to get dressed, not including another hour to get up. The shower I wanted him to take it and I give him time to get up, wake up etc then get in. But hes ok when I say" Im going to finish getting breakfast ready or whatever while I give you time to get up , he says ok, ill tell you, I walk away and start. He will still blow saying I wasnt in there and He gives me seconds to run to the bathroom to start the bath and he says never mind you dont want me to have a bath and slams the door. Well, after 30 plus non stop minutes of that he says can I just get dressed I said yes but he still gave me the same deal. So I then said" ok, your not getting ready, your not going to be able to go Im going to sleep. Well that set him off! Yikes. Your right, I know a few things to avoid but I still have a long way to go to figure out how to read him better! Thank you for your advice! Im going to watch and listen closer, hopefully I can get a camcorder thing so I can replay and see in details :)
     
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Even if you avoid certain things, the rest of the world doesn't. I'm a staunch believer in getting as much help as you can get. Self-help is great, but it in my opinion shouldn't stand alone. No matter how you handle your kid, the teacher won't do it that way, the peers will be peers, neighbors will still be appalled and, if it isn't corrected, his boss later on will not put up with it. People do not sugar-coat life for our kids. I think (in my opinion) your son needs professional help beyond what he is getting.

    When they get older they also often tend to accelerate if they did not get interventions early on and even sometimes if they do, but at least you're not trying to do it alone. You don't want him to start acting out at school. If he does, being a private school, they probably won't put up with violence or swearing for long and he will end up in public school anyways, but at least he can get help there (if he has the right diagnosis).

    Keep us posted.
     
  17. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    MWM, the point of parents trying to teach these skills, practise them with an explosive child, is for them to carry over into other situations. It's obviously a long haul but I think eventually that very probably is what happens.
    It's not either/or anyway. Of course Confused should get evaluations and interventions if she can, as well.
    Good luck, Confused!!!
     
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Malika, I respect you a lot.

    I also disagree that parents can teach these things to children who have intristic disorders. If we could, we'd all have saved a lot of money and done it!!! :) I am NOT trying to discourage you at all considering you don't have many options where you live. However, this poster is in the US and we do have many resources and chances are, even if you don't want to use outside help, the schools will insist on it...and most of us do find good professionals eventually. It is also always very good if we as parents try to enhance that help at home.

    Not everyone can homeschool nor is homeschooling for every kid. I tried it for a year and had to admit I can't teach my kids very well and, further, they drove me nuts...lol. Private school was unhelpful for us as well because they did not offer any services to Sonic with his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and Jumper with her ADD and reading difficulties so the kids kept falling behind. The public schools, at least here, offered a wealth of help and I honestly don't believe either child would be the cool young adults they are today without the outside help they got. Unfortunately, even in the US and Canada, we have to fight for it and we do need a label. But I have a few labels and I don't think they define me or made me worse. In fact, once I knew what was wrong I was able to tackle my issues a nd get much better.

    There are always cultural differences when people deal from country to country. Perhaps a label is seen as worse where you live and certainly one is unhelpful if the label doesn't offer the child any benefit. I think J. is very lucky to have you. I don't think we can deal with violent and learning disabled and, as time goes on, often drug using difficult children by ourselves and get the best results. Plus it's exhausting!!! I do not think J. is that terribly disordered and maybe this can work for him. I certainly am in his corner. You know that.
     
  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    MWM...
    Other than Occupational Therapist (OT) and Audiology... we have received literally ZERO outside help for difficult child. WE had to figure it all out for ourselves and implement and pay for. We are having success... but at a very high cost.

    Even in North America... appropriate resources are often nowhere to be found... or cannot be afforded. Yes, parents DO have to come up with their own answers.
     
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    p.s. we've been so successful in our interventions that it's a challenge getting accurate dxes for difficult child... he's been given the skills to operate at a higher level, and the specialists just don't see the effort he puts in to do that.
     
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