7 year old identical twin boys...adhd and behavioral rages...is it something more

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by willow424, Apr 1, 2012.

  1. willow424

    willow424 New Member

    Hi All,

    I'm new...

    I am a single mom with identical twin boys....almost 8. They were adopted from Russia when they were 2 weeks shy of 4. They spent virtually their whole toddler-hood in an orphanage. They were both diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 5 1/2 and have been on a wide vairety of meds ever since. None of which seem to work for long. They both have some learning issues and speech, pt, ot issues as well. Though they are moderately well behaved in school and have always been very well mannered to other adults, home has always been HELL! More and more recently, one of my guys has been prone to violent rages when he doesn't get his way. He can be violent, dangerous and hurtful to me, his twin and even the dog. He's also attembpted to run away. His attitutde has also become very disrepectful at most times and both are beginning to show some behavioral issues in school and public. Both boys are medicated and in counseling. I've initiated the process for psychiatric evaluation but a neuro psychologiacal is not covered by insurance and I can't afford the $3000-$4000 pricetag at this time. My other guy struggles more in school and hurts himself when he gets frustrated. He cries a lot too. I feel that they are both very immature. Neither one is responsive to time out, though one will still do it...the other one has to be physically pinned down until he calms. I'm not going to be able to do that for much longer. One of the boys, though tough, is manageable and the other is often beyond my control. The weird thing, is that 6 months ago, they were opposite. The now unmanagable one, was the calmer one. As twins, they seem to switch personalities and functional abilities quite often. I've had them genetically tested; fragile x, FAS,etc. and all came back normal. I do know their ibirth parents lived an "unhealthy" life style.
    I don't really know where to go from here and am very fearful about how and what they will grow up to be. I joke that I'm saving for college tuition or bail!!! Lately, I'm leaning toward the latter.

    Thoughts???
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hello Willow! I'm an adoptive mom to an aggressive child too. Do they have a dx of attachment disorder by any chance? They were in that orphanage for all of the critical time that kids develop the ability to attach and trust, to care for others, etc. Have you checked any websites related to that?

    IC always knows the link to a page where I listed a bunch of them but I can connect you with a few quickly....

    http://www.radkid.org/
    http://www.attachment.org/letter-to-teachers/

    my favorite: http://attach-china.org/

    Sorry you are going through this....It is hard enough having ONE but to have them both swapping out you never get a break from it.
    Do you have any school or county support for kids with special needs? If they are starting to do this in school it is important to have them get in special ed before they are "managed" inappropriately.

    If your insurance wont cover a neuropsych, you might try searching for a developmental pediatrician and they can do an eval, often they have a full team that they work with so you get a broad evaluation too.

    Can you pursue an OT (occupational therapy) eval and S/L (speech language communication) eval on your own...will insurance cover those? Especially since they were raised in an orphanage and have a questionable birth history, they may have fine motor and sensory integration issues that need to be addressed. As they develop and grow it can cause variability in their symptoms which may be setting them off behaviorally. I hope you can get some answers to make sure you are getting the help you need and all the support you and they deserve.

    We have several adoptive parents here who have kids with similar issues. Actually several newer members so I hope they drop in and share with you. Some have found some good help and therapy that is working for their kids. It is a rough road and it makes it hard to be a consistent, loving caregiver when you are being hurt by your own kids...not just the physical but the words are really hard to take sometimes, even if we know they really dont get it. You are not alone in this. There are many of us. Keep checking in.

    HUGS, Dee
  3. willow424

    willow424 New Member

    Hi Dee,

    Thanks for your ideas. Both boys have been receiving speech, ot (for fine motor and sensory issues) and pt, counseling since the age of 4 and or 5. They are in the "special ed" system at school, and are placed in a general education setting with related support services for now. AS to the attachment issues...I don't feel that that has ever been an issue, but who knows. How do you ev en get that diagnosed? thanks for the links. I'll do a little more research.
    Behaviors in school areen't to the point of outburst or violence, but more like disrespectful and getting involved with the wrong kids more often. And actually, they both feed off of each other which often causes problems when they are together in after care program or on the bus.

    I'll be sure to check back in. Any insights are welcome.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Glad you found our little corner of the world but very sorry you had to. I agree with Buddy about possible Ractive Attachment Disorder. ADHD does not involve the level of aggressiveness you are describing. A possibility is that the meds could be causing the aggressiveness. That has happened on two different meds for us so far. It might also be that they aren't even ADHD at all but maybe something else and then ADHD meds won't help and can even make things worse. You really need a thorough evaluation. If not a neuropsych, a reputable child psychiatrist would do for now. If things get to where you just can't handle it anymore or if the aggressiveness gets worse, call 911.

    Do they have IEP's at school? If not, you need to get that process started ASAP. Have you reached out to the mental health unit at your local Social Services agency? They usually have various services available that might help you. It's worth a shot.

    I am so sorry you're going through all this. There is a wealth of experience here and even more support. We will all help you as much as we can. Take what works and leave what doesn't. Also keep in mind that the unusual suggestions just might be the ones that work so be open-minded. (((HUGS))) to you all.
  5. Malika

    Malika Active Member

    Hi Willow and welcome. Sorry to sound arrogantly categorical, but with the history of your boys, it is almost impossible to see how attachment could NOT be an issue. It defies belief that children could spend almost the first four years of their life in an institution and not have attachment problems. My son spent just the first three months of his life in an institution and he is insecurely attached (although my divorce from his adoptive father and multiple moves in his early life also doubtless play their part in that.)
    Sounds a silly question but... do you talk to your boys about Russia? How does language play into this - presumably they came to you speaking Russian? How good is their English now? What connections, if any, do they still have with Russia? It must be destabilising to be taken from one culture to another at an older age.
    I am sure others will have more in-depth questions and suggestions. You have all my sympathy and admiration; times two is not easy...
  6. willow424

    willow424 New Member

    yes, both boys have IEPs at school. I'll look into local Mental Health unit.

    Thanks for the ideas!
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Moderator Staff Member

    Welcome Willow,
    Glad you found us but sorry you needed to. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It's so important with kids like ours that we take care of ourselves and find some "me" time which I know is easier said than done but it is important. Another thought about the health insurance not covering the neuropsych, you might want to check into the Katie Beckett program. It varies from state to state but was designed to provide medicaid for children with disabilities. It does not look at the parents income only the assets of the child. We have really good health insurance for him and ourselves but with the multiple hospitalizations and meds the Medicaid has been very helpful. It also covers a lot that regular insurance wouldn't.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome. Glad you'll be getting a full evaluation on them. Do you know if this will include development? Two things you said made my perk my ears and think in a different slant - they "have always been very well mannered to other adults" and "hurts himself when he gets frustrated" I'm thinking possibly ASD doesnt' hurt to look into it while evaluations are being done.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Active Member

  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    my sig. must be too long, says I have exceeded the limit, LOL... surprise, it is ME after all....
  11. bigbear11

    bigbear11 Guest

    Hi Willow,
    Welcome. I am new here myself and came for very similar reasons. My 9yo girl is adopted from Russia as well... although we brought her home at 14 mos. She too can be very violent... we will go weeks with great behavior and then BAM 3 days of hell in a row. I can't say that I have any insight but it sure is great to be able to reach out to folks that are going through similar things. I used to feel so alone... no one seemed to understand what we were really going through but everyone on this board does.
    One thing to consider is reaching out to a Childrens Hospital in your area (not sure where you are from). Many have an International adoption clinic that has experience with kids like ours. I have recently gotton TRex scheduled for an appointment with the FAE clinic within our International Adoption Clinic. We do have gone thru lots of meds but none seem to really make that much difference. I am hoping that we can find out what exactly is going on.