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7 year old is destroying our family
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 458911" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>((((((((((hugs))))))))))</p><p></p><p>First off, you are NOT alone. Just to let you know, by the time my daughter was able to move around on her own, until she was much older, we could not let her be in a room with-o an adult if her older bro was there (three and a half yrs between them). If we did? she was bruised and/or bloody. I also was attacked multiple time by him. Finally we had to make him leave the family home for the safety of all of us.</p><p></p><p>Right now your FIRST concern MUST be safety. Are you a single parent or do you have a spouse who can help? If she tends to attack in the car then you must NEVER take her in the car with-o an adult to sit next to her and restrain her. If you are a single parent, you need to find a way to have someone ride with you to restrain her when needed. You also MUST learn how to safely do a therapeutic hold.</p><p></p><p>You also need to consider hospitalizing her as a danger to others. How is she at school/daycare/social settings? Who is prescribing her medications and why these two? I would think the risperidone would help but maybe the dose is too low or she needs a different medication of the same class of medications? </p><p></p><p>You also need to write up a safety plan and practice it with the other kids - where they go to be safe when difficult child rages. If they are old enough it may even include calling 911 if needed or you tell them to.</p><p></p><p>When she rages, consider calling 911 and telling them you need transport to a psychiatric hospital for a mentally ill child.</p><p></p><p>If things are as bad as they sound, she NEEDS more than outpatient help. It is going to be hard to find and most hospitals will send her home in just a few days. You may have to do many short hospital stays (at psychiatric hospitals) before you can get any real, long term help for her.</p><p></p><p>Hard as it may be, you MUST have help each and every time you transport her because she is going to kill you and anyone else in the car. You need to do everything possible to NOT have her in a car with you alone. It will only end in tragedy because either you and she are hurt or someone not in your car is or both. </p><p></p><p>Depending on how she is with her siblings, if she is hurting them also (and it is highly probable that she is), then seh may need to go to therapeutic foster care or an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as much to help her as it is to protect the other kids. This is NOT an easy task, I know.</p><p></p><p>You may be able to help some at home. Read the Explosive Child by Ross Greene - it can be super useful. That total transformation thing needs to be tossed. It is not going to help with a difficult child ever. It only works on kids who already are willing to do what is expected but don't because the parents are not consistent, in my opinion. Over the years I have been here, that program (Total trans) comes up a couple of times a year. No one who has tried it has come here and said it did anything that helped for more than a week or so. The book I mentioned will be a LOT more useful.</p><p></p><p>Also follow the link in my signature and create a Parent Report about your daughter. The link will take you to an outline of it that moms here created years back. It is an excellent tool that keeps everything about difficult child at your fingertips so that you can tell a doctor/teacher/whomever that you have done these things and ehre is the result of that and now lets try something else. It is a HUGE tool for you to help difficult child with.</p><p></p><p>We do have some moms who have to turn custody over to the state because a child is just too dangerous to live at home. Usually the child starts in therapeutic foster care and depending on how they behave may be moved from there. If you cannot afford to privately place her in a residential treatment center, then this may be the only option. Yes, it HURTS, but the first job you have is to keep everyone SAFE and it sounds like you are a long way from that point. Regardless of difficult child's problems, youa re supposed to keep all the kids safe - even from difficult child. The written safety plan of who does what and goes where when difficult child rages will show children's services that you are doing all you can and need HELP. Not sure what they will have, but it is worht asking.</p><p></p><p>You also need to figure out exactly what is wrong with her. I am NOt saying you did anything to cause this. There are people who are angry and are hugely helped by a gluten free/casein free diet. It is a LOT easier to do that now than it was ten years ago. The diet eliminates all sources of wheat and some other grains and also of dairy. It sounds too easy, and it does NOT work for everyone, but there are members here who have gone from HUGE violent rages daily to not ever having them and having a happy child when previously the child seems so angry from birth or from when nursing stopped and milk/formula was started. This diet cannot hurt to try and it might be a huge help for her. I just wonder about it because you say she has been angry since birth - and to me that sure seems like it might be diet related. You will find a LOT of info if you google "gluten-free, casein-free diet" including recipes and products that are for that specific diet.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 458911, member: 1233"] ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) First off, you are NOT alone. Just to let you know, by the time my daughter was able to move around on her own, until she was much older, we could not let her be in a room with-o an adult if her older bro was there (three and a half yrs between them). If we did? she was bruised and/or bloody. I also was attacked multiple time by him. Finally we had to make him leave the family home for the safety of all of us. Right now your FIRST concern MUST be safety. Are you a single parent or do you have a spouse who can help? If she tends to attack in the car then you must NEVER take her in the car with-o an adult to sit next to her and restrain her. If you are a single parent, you need to find a way to have someone ride with you to restrain her when needed. You also MUST learn how to safely do a therapeutic hold. You also need to consider hospitalizing her as a danger to others. How is she at school/daycare/social settings? Who is prescribing her medications and why these two? I would think the risperidone would help but maybe the dose is too low or she needs a different medication of the same class of medications? You also need to write up a safety plan and practice it with the other kids - where they go to be safe when difficult child rages. If they are old enough it may even include calling 911 if needed or you tell them to. When she rages, consider calling 911 and telling them you need transport to a psychiatric hospital for a mentally ill child. If things are as bad as they sound, she NEEDS more than outpatient help. It is going to be hard to find and most hospitals will send her home in just a few days. You may have to do many short hospital stays (at psychiatric hospitals) before you can get any real, long term help for her. Hard as it may be, you MUST have help each and every time you transport her because she is going to kill you and anyone else in the car. You need to do everything possible to NOT have her in a car with you alone. It will only end in tragedy because either you and she are hurt or someone not in your car is or both. Depending on how she is with her siblings, if she is hurting them also (and it is highly probable that she is), then seh may need to go to therapeutic foster care or an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as much to help her as it is to protect the other kids. This is NOT an easy task, I know. You may be able to help some at home. Read the Explosive Child by Ross Greene - it can be super useful. That total transformation thing needs to be tossed. It is not going to help with a difficult child ever. It only works on kids who already are willing to do what is expected but don't because the parents are not consistent, in my opinion. Over the years I have been here, that program (Total trans) comes up a couple of times a year. No one who has tried it has come here and said it did anything that helped for more than a week or so. The book I mentioned will be a LOT more useful. Also follow the link in my signature and create a Parent Report about your daughter. The link will take you to an outline of it that moms here created years back. It is an excellent tool that keeps everything about difficult child at your fingertips so that you can tell a doctor/teacher/whomever that you have done these things and ehre is the result of that and now lets try something else. It is a HUGE tool for you to help difficult child with. We do have some moms who have to turn custody over to the state because a child is just too dangerous to live at home. Usually the child starts in therapeutic foster care and depending on how they behave may be moved from there. If you cannot afford to privately place her in a residential treatment center, then this may be the only option. Yes, it HURTS, but the first job you have is to keep everyone SAFE and it sounds like you are a long way from that point. Regardless of difficult child's problems, youa re supposed to keep all the kids safe - even from difficult child. The written safety plan of who does what and goes where when difficult child rages will show children's services that you are doing all you can and need HELP. Not sure what they will have, but it is worht asking. You also need to figure out exactly what is wrong with her. I am NOt saying you did anything to cause this. There are people who are angry and are hugely helped by a gluten free/casein free diet. It is a LOT easier to do that now than it was ten years ago. The diet eliminates all sources of wheat and some other grains and also of dairy. It sounds too easy, and it does NOT work for everyone, but there are members here who have gone from HUGE violent rages daily to not ever having them and having a happy child when previously the child seems so angry from birth or from when nursing stopped and milk/formula was started. This diet cannot hurt to try and it might be a huge help for her. I just wonder about it because you say she has been angry since birth - and to me that sure seems like it might be diet related. You will find a LOT of info if you google "gluten-free, casein-free diet" including recipes and products that are for that specific diet. [/QUOTE]
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