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8 year old hates me and my new life, boyfriend etc
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 111442" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Take it slowly. Also, take what works for you and leave the rest. Just keep it in mind. </p><p></p><p>You don't seem to realise it, but you are probably doing the best you could be doing under the circumstances. Try to avoid guilt - all it does is slow you down. While it's important maybe to try to find possible causes/triggers for her hateful behaviour, you need to not let this introspection drag you down with it.</p><p></p><p>I gave the example of my friend's daughter to try to show that there can be many causes for this type of behaviour, sometimes working together, and sometimes there is no easy answer. At least you are asking questions now, unlike my friend. Also, in my attempt to try to describe possible scenarios, you may have misunderstood and thought I was criticising you. I wasn't. I sometimes drop into a form of "what the child might be thinking", which certainly doesn't reflect what I think about you, not in any way. But I have learned, that if you understand what your child might be thinking or feeling, it gives you an advantage in dealing with them.</p><p></p><p>It's a lousy deal in life when you have to work as hard as you are right now. It's not easy. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. I've had my moments of working multiple jobs. I watched easy child work two, sometimes three jobs (one of them technically full-time hours) while also studying full-time at university. There are a number of people on this site with similar ghastly schedules foisted on them by circumstances. I wouldn't wish it on a dog. I really do hope the settlement goes in your favour and is nicely uncomplicated. I am concerned from your description that your daughter's problems pre-date the boyfriend and also pre-date your extra working hours - it does seem to indicate a lot more is going on than just the 'simple stuff'. I do think you are right to be concerned about her.</p><p></p><p>Back to "Explosive Child" - with the apparently confusing switching between plans A, B, C - don't try to do too much, just go slowly at whatever pace you can handle. It works best when you have a good instinctive 'feel' for it, which takes time and practice. But even a little, should also show a little improvement. The limit on how much it can help - if there is an underlying disorder which is limiting her ability to moderate her behaviour, you will find improvement only so far and no further, until she gets any more professional help. However, any improvement you can give her can also make it easier for you and doctors to perhaps find a more specific diagnosis. It's like, remove all the variables you can, and what's left is more easily identified.</p><p></p><p>I've heard a lot about the other book you mentioned. I'll also look at the website you posted. Thanks for the link.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you had a more pleasant evening. Every positive is good groundwork.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted on how you're doing.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 111442, member: 1991"] Take it slowly. Also, take what works for you and leave the rest. Just keep it in mind. You don't seem to realise it, but you are probably doing the best you could be doing under the circumstances. Try to avoid guilt - all it does is slow you down. While it's important maybe to try to find possible causes/triggers for her hateful behaviour, you need to not let this introspection drag you down with it. I gave the example of my friend's daughter to try to show that there can be many causes for this type of behaviour, sometimes working together, and sometimes there is no easy answer. At least you are asking questions now, unlike my friend. Also, in my attempt to try to describe possible scenarios, you may have misunderstood and thought I was criticising you. I wasn't. I sometimes drop into a form of "what the child might be thinking", which certainly doesn't reflect what I think about you, not in any way. But I have learned, that if you understand what your child might be thinking or feeling, it gives you an advantage in dealing with them. It's a lousy deal in life when you have to work as hard as you are right now. It's not easy. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. I've had my moments of working multiple jobs. I watched easy child work two, sometimes three jobs (one of them technically full-time hours) while also studying full-time at university. There are a number of people on this site with similar ghastly schedules foisted on them by circumstances. I wouldn't wish it on a dog. I really do hope the settlement goes in your favour and is nicely uncomplicated. I am concerned from your description that your daughter's problems pre-date the boyfriend and also pre-date your extra working hours - it does seem to indicate a lot more is going on than just the 'simple stuff'. I do think you are right to be concerned about her. Back to "Explosive Child" - with the apparently confusing switching between plans A, B, C - don't try to do too much, just go slowly at whatever pace you can handle. It works best when you have a good instinctive 'feel' for it, which takes time and practice. But even a little, should also show a little improvement. The limit on how much it can help - if there is an underlying disorder which is limiting her ability to moderate her behaviour, you will find improvement only so far and no further, until she gets any more professional help. However, any improvement you can give her can also make it easier for you and doctors to perhaps find a more specific diagnosis. It's like, remove all the variables you can, and what's left is more easily identified. I've heard a lot about the other book you mentioned. I'll also look at the website you posted. Thanks for the link. I'm glad you had a more pleasant evening. Every positive is good groundwork. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Marg [/QUOTE]
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