8yr old son has me at wits end please help me

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nybx28, Sep 16, 2011.

  1. nybx28

    nybx28 New Member

    since my son was about 3 years old i noticed something wasn't right i took him to several doctors (behavioral,speech,autism testing,and was also evaluated at school) each referring to another and i got nowhere i felt like i was going in circles he started with tantrums when strangers were around he would trow himself on the floor screaming your hurting me at the top of his lungs yet all i was doing was holding his hand (he still acts out but not as bad)then by 4 he started getting violent he would hit family members and thought nothing of it even when he was told it was wrong(he is still doing this) by 4 1/2 he wouldn't communicate his feelings you can talk to him but he would just have a dead look in his eyes like as if he was in another world he would just shut down(he is still doing this) we have had major issues with him having a bowel movement in the toilet he just turned 8 2 months ago and he just started going on the toilet before that he would just do it on himself and not care he would just sit in it he has also made up stories at school saying me and his father hit him which was untrue he is always saying he is stupid and that nobody cares about him at times he has left marks on his body he bangs his head on walls stomps and hits things there was one time while in school he started digging a pencil in his arm and had no explanation why he is in the 3rd grade now and every school year i have spoken to the teacher 4 out of the 5 days he was there this school year just begun today made day 7 and i have spoke to the teacher 5 times already he refuses to do any work in school and when he comes home its no better we can sit down to down homework at 4:30 and not get done till 10 and he only gets 3 things to do i also have 2 other sons my 10 year old is constantly be harassed by him and a 1 year old who he has started to act out on just the other day my 1 yr old tried to give the 8 yr old a hug and my 8 yr old shoved him hard enough that my 1 yr old fell down and he did that with a room full of people i never leave the baby alone with him because i don't know what he might do i would say he his like the sour patch kids commercial first he is sour then he is sweet because one minute he hates you and the next he loves you i don't know what to do with him if anyone has any ideas they would be well appreciated sorry if everything was typed so randomly
     
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Welcome to the best place on the web for kids like ours. Have you taken him to a neuropsychologist, developmental pediatrician, or had a multi-discipline evaluation done at a hospital? Have you taken him for Occupational Therapist (OT) testing (besides what the school does, they don't cover all the bases.)? Does he have an IEP? Are you in the US? Is he on any medications? Does he have a therapist or a psychiatrist or both? Is there a history of abuse? (I'm NOT saying you abuse him.) Is there any family history of mental illness or autism or other health problems (allergies)? How well does he sleep?

    Sorry for all the questions, I know the others will want more info. We can always offer a shoulder to cry on but its hard to help with out more info.

    Again, welcome.
     
  3. nybx28

    nybx28 New Member

    no i don't believe he has seen a neuropsychologist, developmental pediatrician, or had a multi-discipline evaluation or Occupational Therapist (OT) testing no IEP I live in New York he is not on any medications no therapist or psychiatrist no abuse there is a family history of mental illness he has seasonal allergies not to bad though and he also has asthma mostly around this time of year it starts his sleeping wow i forgot about that if i let him he would sleep a good 15 hrs or so he sleep walks sometimes just the other night he came into my room and i noticed he was sleeping and he started to hold a convocation with me this has been going on since he was about 3 i always just take him back to bed a tuck him in on a good night he stays in bed other he will stand at the foot of my bed just staring while still asleep its very creepy then the very bad nights he will come to my room several times crying that he wants to sleep with me because he misses me i don't know if this is relevant but there has also been times he claims to have seen ghosts in his room
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome.
    Sorry you had to find us - glad you did.

    L. is right... Seems like we always start with lots of questions!
    You say there is a family history of mental illness... more details?

    What is the family situation - who all does he live with? Sounds like you, your husband, and two younger sons? Are all the sons your mutual children? (sometimes, having an X-spouse in the picture, or a child being adopted, is important background info)
    Are you living in an Urban area? or small-town? or rural?

    Has he ever been evaluated by anyone? Any diagnosis if any kind?
    Is he on any medications?

    We hear your pain...
    Hang in there, share what and when you can...
     
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I was wondering the same things Insane asked. Also, when you say he was evaluated at 3 years old by many specialists, exactly what titles did they have. You mentioned "behavioral" and "autism testing". Who did these testings and what kind of testing did they do with a 3 year old? It sounds like you need to get a thorough evaluation by a neuropsychologist or at least a Child Psychiatrist. School testing for anything is usually very basic, obvious stuff. I would also have a thorough assessment done by an Occupational Therapist and a Speach-Language Pathologist. Have you been able to pinpoint exactly what happens immediately before he acts up? That might be a place to start. Keep detailed notes about the behavior but try to pay close attention to what exactly is done or said with him, to him, or around him. You might see patterns if you are diligent about it. How do you usually deal with the behaviors? What kinds of things have you tried?

    Hang in there. As Liahona said, you have found the perfect place for help and support. These parents are awesome. They have all been there done that is some form or another and they have the widest shoulders I've found to lean on. Sorry about all the questions at first but it really does help us get to understand how we can help if we have a very clear picture of the situation. We would hate to steer anyone in the wrong direction.

    Sending supportive {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} your way!
     
  6. nybx28

    nybx28 New Member

    my mother is manic depressive and an ex drug addict she has been on medications as long as i can remember as has been fine, its me my 3 sons(all from the same father) there father and grandmother from dads side we are in Bronx NY (urban), he is not on any medications ,he was evaluated at the the age of 6 in school they told me being that he was on/meeting grade level and was respectful (the someone who only seen him once aw week for 30 min) that there was nothing wrong with him i also brought him to be tested for autism at the age of 4 or 5 and they did a quick test (which he wouldn't stay still for so they cut it short) and i was told that he was not autistic but that he is selective mute with controlling issues
     
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Remembering that we're just parents here, not "experts"...

    The school report didn't tell you much... except that, intellectually, he's probably "normal".

    Who did the so-called autism testing? There's really no such thing as a 'quick test' when it comes to things on the autism spectrum (including asperger's).

    Please don't take this one personally - but it does happen, so need to ask just in the remote case... was he exposed to alcohol or drugs when you were pregnant?

    There are definitely issues and challenges here. Its not all in your head!
    Some red flags that I see just in what you've posted...
    - "selectively mute" - could be a number of things, but should have triggered further, intensive testing.
    - sleep issues - this is NOT a normal sleep pattern - have you raised this with his PCP (family doctor)? There could be medical reasons, so those should be checked first. It won't be a medications issue - as he isn't on medications.
    - toileting issues - again, there could be medical reasons...
    - "shutting down" - definitely a red-flag there, could be sensory, could be emotional, could be something on the autism spectrum, or maybe other things.

    This is a complex situation. There is no one resource that will give you everything you need... or, if there is, it will be hard to find and slow to get into. So... you might want to start with the simple stuff first...
    - family doctor, to review history and look at possible medical causes for sleep and toileting issues
    - while you're there, get a detailed blood-work check done - things like thyroid can really complicate life
    - sounds like you had a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation??
    - Might want to consider an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation - for sensory AND motor skills issues. Occupational Therapist (OT) doesn't do dxes, but can provide therapy to help, AND an Occupational Therapist (OT) report is useful to others who work with the child... school, neuropsychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, etc.

    Talk to the family doctor about getting a referral to someone who can do a comprehensive evaluation. The sooner you can get on the wait list, the better - but if he pushes back, then get his backing for the Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation etc., and use those results and any medical results as the basis for referal.

    Hang in there!
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2011
  8. nybx28

    nybx28 New Member

    (TeDo) im not sure of the titles the they had at the moment but one had him draw pictures and told me what ever i do dont use any kind of negative words with him no matter what he has done/about to do unless he really harmed someone which was just about imposable,he would have most of his tantrums while walking my older son to school i was told that he may be trowing tantrums because he didnt want to walk down the blocks i chose and that i should let him choose which way we walked every morning i tried that for 2 weeks with no change so i put my foot down ans told him he had no choice but to go the way i wanted and since then i haven't had much of a problem walking to school and after a few more visits of drawing pictures and getting nowhere i stopped seeing that doctor, the doctor he seen for autistic children only met with him once and flipped trough a test book with questions like is billy on the top of the slide or the bottom i couldn't believe it when she said well i cant to nothing for him he passed the test (how could she know when she flipped through a few pages that he wouldn't stay still for, for about 20 min and only one visit)the speech therapist talked with him and gave him a hearing test and said he was fine but if i wanted i could set up play dates,last year i ended up seeing the first doctor and she had me give a paper to his teacher to fill out about his behavior but the teacher made it seem like nothing was wrong yet every day i would get a complaint so the doctor told me she believed me but the teacher messed up by saying nothing was wrong the doctor told me i wish i could tell you what is wrong with him but i cant figure him out,and that was the last doctor he seen i haven't a clue what kind of help i should be looking for , when he acts up it is so random i tried to whole no candy/junk to see if it was a sugar thing and nope he can act up at any given time for any little thing it could be mid convo and he shuts down its just the oddest thing when he gets like that i just try talking nicely to him but most of the time i get nowhere other times i have to ask him a good 20 times before getting an answer when he gets really bad trowing things slamming doors locking himself in a room and things of that sort i have learned to just pay him no attention and he seems to calm down, all the questions are fine you all seem to ask about all the little things i seem to put in the back of my head
     
  9. nybx28

    nybx28 New Member

    nope no use of drugs or alcohol when i was pregnant
     
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome to the board!

    Have you contacted NAMI to see if they can help? There is a location in the Bronx. http://www.naminys.org/affiliates/affiliates-by-county/item/nami-bronx-families-advocates

    It does sound like you've been getting the 'run around' with doctors. "Selectively mute" is enough to generate concern and have the doctors evaluate and OBSERVE further.

    The good news is that you've solved one problem - the walking to school. You offered to go his route, any route HE chose. In other words, you gave him a certain amount of control over his existence. Sounds like HE decided that this was a battle that just wasn't worth the effort, so he stopped. You can take this a step further with other issues. I am not suggesting to give him full control, but giving him options whenever available. A simple example would be homework (if he has any). It must get done, but he can do it at the table, on a chair, on the floor, with a pencil, or even a crayon. It doesn't always work, but might do the trick especially for some situations.

    The sleepwalking is a serious problem. Have you discussed that with his pediatrician? Sounds like he needs a serious sleep study and assistance with that. that alone can open the door to other doctors and evaluations.
     
  11. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yup, sounds like the doctors you've gone to haven't been testing well. When my sons were tested for autism it involved hours of testing with toys and different people (to see how they reacted to others as well as those they were familiar with.) Any chance you could get him to a neuropsychologist for a comprehensive test?
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.

    Hey, there is NO quick test for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Usually it requires long testing, observation, and parental feedback. There is no way to rule it out because of a half hour of testing. I hope you decide to visit a neuropsychologist.
     
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