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9 Year Old Son just diagnosed with Odd
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 548306" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi Jennifer! So glad you found us. Many of us....well most of us...can relate at least in some way to what you are going through. I can relate to MUCH of it. I knew of physical/neurological issues that contributed to my son's behaviors but the results and life issues are very similar. And psychologists and psychiatrists often are not very educated on the neuro parts so add ODD and other diagnosis that for us are descriptive but not helpful. </p><p></p><p>We have some great members here from Australia who I hope see your post for guidance on evaluations and ideas for the Australian system. But coping is the same all over the world. The book that was mentioned is an excellent start. Hard to believe a book could really be a big deal but for many of us it helped so much. The other one many like is What Your Explosive Child is Trying To Tell You by Dr. Doug Riley. These are available on many web sites...not advertising for any but I got another copy of Ross Greene's book on Amazon for only a few dollars used and it was in great condition! We often talk about our kids as being differently wired. Typical parenting methods just do not work much of the time. Trying to continue on that path for me ended up pulling my son and myself further apart. The best thing about the methods in those books is it gave me a legitimacy I needed to do what I was doing....really prioritizing behaviors and working on them systematically and in a different way. There are websites connected with the books too that are helpful. If you search those authors here you will find out other parent's experiences.</p><p></p><p>Now about the specifics of your son's issues...I can relate. I have said I should have given my son the middle name "oppositional". In fact I posted a while ago about a medication battle (that is rare for him happily) and I finally said...Well, then you can't take them. I'm done. Good bye...and he said...Too LATE, I already took them! (good grief)</p><p></p><p>So, I have been doing this a while, he is 15.5 now. He swears, calls me awful names, has rages and I can't imagine the issues of having to negotiate a sibling! Just times with his cousins can be exhausting. </p><p></p><p>I completely agree with DDD that if you can find a neuropsychologist to do a complete evaluation that would be helpful for you. These are psychologists with additional training in how the brain is connected to behavior and mood. They do a much more in depth evaluation. I imagine that from the little you have said so far many of us can relate to the diagnosis our kids have. Often there is a bigger "umbrella" diagnosis and that can be helpful in terms of getting in a program where they really know how to work with the individual symptoms in a way that matches how people with the umbrella diagnosis think and behave in general. Examples could be high functioning autism/Aspergers, bipolar disorder, being gifted, a neurological disability that has not been diagnosed, learning disabilities, etc. Not sure how it is in Australia, but an example of what happens here (you have not described anything that makes me think this yet for your son but certainly you can share more if you like)...in the US, many kids on the autism spectrum start out getting the diagnosis of adhd plus anxiety disorder or ODD +. Those symptoms actually all fall under the spectrum diagnosis and in my son's case when he is in a program where the adults are geared to treat and respond in ways that work with people who have autism...he is exponentially more successful. </p><p></p><p>There are others who have underlying less known disabilities or disorders that mimic the bigger umbrella diagnoses and there are great members here who can share how that has played out for the. Examples of things to check that go well with the neuropsychologist evaluation (but for sure do the neuropsychology one if you can find someone like that...) is to have a speech/language evaluation (some kids have early great language development but that is actually a common trait in high functioning autism, they can be called little professors and they can have a really high ability in reading, or certain topics, or numbers, etc.). Speech/Language Pathologists also evaluate social language use and how a child processes language so even if they seem ahead there could be areas that help give you clues to why your son does not or probably is not able to really relate to how what he does affects others in a way that goes beyond just labeling it. If he is suspected at all as having processing problems (that is where he can hear the language fine, but his brain is not able to interpret it for some reason) a highly trained audiologist who specializes in Auditory Processing Disorders would be a good thing to check into. They do a typical hearing test, check to hear if he can tell the difference between speech sounds etc. But they do very specialized tests that other audiologists do not do which give great insight into how the brain processes what comes in. My son for example was found to have markedly low accuracy for speech and language recognition when it is introduced into one ear versus the other....due to his brain injury the message gets mixed up/lost and does not transfer to the language centers well. There were many other findings and all of them added up to ideas for treatment.</p><p></p><p>Other evaluations that some of us like to have done before the neuropsychologist evaualuation (so that we can bring the results there and add them to the neuropsychologist's testing....they can do some testing in these areas but can not do the indepth testing that an occupational therapist and speech lang. pathologist (Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP)) can do but they do understand the results so it can be very valuable in that big picture idea! An Occupational Therapist (OT) looks at fine motor and motor planning and sensory integration. If your son has issues with loud noises, or is sensitive to touches like hates socks a certain way, or only will hug on his terms or if he seems hyper (that can be "sensory seeking" and looks very much like adhd) there are great therapies to help. </p><p></p><p>My son is a child who spends large portions of his school day especially being corrected, consequenced and he has had to earn every single thing he gets to do. While the methods can work to a degree, can you imagine your whole life working so hard all the time. He even said when he was much younger...Mom, can you tell them this is the way God made me and I am doing the best I can? I about lost my heart. I am the same, have to correct him and always be on guard and boy have I had to work hard to make sure that his world is set up for far less conflict so he can be successful. Much of what I do is to have to think ahead and not put him in situations where I know it is too hard for him. Even if he LOVES to do something....I make lots of decisions not to do things. Identifying triggers and avoiding them (and in some cases then working to expose and deal with them in a systematic way...an example for my son is loud places, I always have ear plugs with me in case but some situations we just simply do not do) reduce our overall stress as a family and when stress is lower, the behaviors are lower and the cycle goes down instead of up into more stress/behaviors. Of course this goes up and down and I say my motto is "monitor and adjust" because he grows and changes, situations change, etc....and I lose my focus even at times and have to really work hard to get on top of how I talk to him and being consistent with our schedule and the methods I use (like giving him a daily written schedule and not changing unless I do it on paper and monitor his reaction). Maybe you can share more about his early development and current issues and parents who can relate can be more specific about chiming in.</p><p></p><p>Examples: birth history (any trauma/emergency?), any illness? how early did he start to talk, how does he play when alone? Does he use imaginative play well? Is he able to do back and forth idea exchange in play with other kids? Is he sensitive to touch, foods, sounds, sights? Does his mood suddenly change? Does he have any high interest areas? Does he have anxieties/fears? How does he do when he is not with you...like at school or daycare? What things DO work for you? Anything? </p><p></p><p>Ok, I'll shut up now, smile. Just welcome and so sorry you are going through this. I still worry about what will happen but we really need to work on things a day or a section of life at a time. </p><p></p><p>HUGs to you! Dee (buddy)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 548306, member: 12886"] Hi Jennifer! So glad you found us. Many of us....well most of us...can relate at least in some way to what you are going through. I can relate to MUCH of it. I knew of physical/neurological issues that contributed to my son's behaviors but the results and life issues are very similar. And psychologists and psychiatrists often are not very educated on the neuro parts so add ODD and other diagnosis that for us are descriptive but not helpful. We have some great members here from Australia who I hope see your post for guidance on evaluations and ideas for the Australian system. But coping is the same all over the world. The book that was mentioned is an excellent start. Hard to believe a book could really be a big deal but for many of us it helped so much. The other one many like is What Your Explosive Child is Trying To Tell You by Dr. Doug Riley. These are available on many web sites...not advertising for any but I got another copy of Ross Greene's book on Amazon for only a few dollars used and it was in great condition! We often talk about our kids as being differently wired. Typical parenting methods just do not work much of the time. Trying to continue on that path for me ended up pulling my son and myself further apart. The best thing about the methods in those books is it gave me a legitimacy I needed to do what I was doing....really prioritizing behaviors and working on them systematically and in a different way. There are websites connected with the books too that are helpful. If you search those authors here you will find out other parent's experiences. Now about the specifics of your son's issues...I can relate. I have said I should have given my son the middle name "oppositional". In fact I posted a while ago about a medication battle (that is rare for him happily) and I finally said...Well, then you can't take them. I'm done. Good bye...and he said...Too LATE, I already took them! (good grief) So, I have been doing this a while, he is 15.5 now. He swears, calls me awful names, has rages and I can't imagine the issues of having to negotiate a sibling! Just times with his cousins can be exhausting. I completely agree with DDD that if you can find a neuropsychologist to do a complete evaluation that would be helpful for you. These are psychologists with additional training in how the brain is connected to behavior and mood. They do a much more in depth evaluation. I imagine that from the little you have said so far many of us can relate to the diagnosis our kids have. Often there is a bigger "umbrella" diagnosis and that can be helpful in terms of getting in a program where they really know how to work with the individual symptoms in a way that matches how people with the umbrella diagnosis think and behave in general. Examples could be high functioning autism/Aspergers, bipolar disorder, being gifted, a neurological disability that has not been diagnosed, learning disabilities, etc. Not sure how it is in Australia, but an example of what happens here (you have not described anything that makes me think this yet for your son but certainly you can share more if you like)...in the US, many kids on the autism spectrum start out getting the diagnosis of adhd plus anxiety disorder or ODD +. Those symptoms actually all fall under the spectrum diagnosis and in my son's case when he is in a program where the adults are geared to treat and respond in ways that work with people who have autism...he is exponentially more successful. There are others who have underlying less known disabilities or disorders that mimic the bigger umbrella diagnoses and there are great members here who can share how that has played out for the. Examples of things to check that go well with the neuropsychologist evaluation (but for sure do the neuropsychology one if you can find someone like that...) is to have a speech/language evaluation (some kids have early great language development but that is actually a common trait in high functioning autism, they can be called little professors and they can have a really high ability in reading, or certain topics, or numbers, etc.). Speech/Language Pathologists also evaluate social language use and how a child processes language so even if they seem ahead there could be areas that help give you clues to why your son does not or probably is not able to really relate to how what he does affects others in a way that goes beyond just labeling it. If he is suspected at all as having processing problems (that is where he can hear the language fine, but his brain is not able to interpret it for some reason) a highly trained audiologist who specializes in Auditory Processing Disorders would be a good thing to check into. They do a typical hearing test, check to hear if he can tell the difference between speech sounds etc. But they do very specialized tests that other audiologists do not do which give great insight into how the brain processes what comes in. My son for example was found to have markedly low accuracy for speech and language recognition when it is introduced into one ear versus the other....due to his brain injury the message gets mixed up/lost and does not transfer to the language centers well. There were many other findings and all of them added up to ideas for treatment. Other evaluations that some of us like to have done before the neuropsychologist evaualuation (so that we can bring the results there and add them to the neuropsychologist's testing....they can do some testing in these areas but can not do the indepth testing that an occupational therapist and speech lang. pathologist (Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP)) can do but they do understand the results so it can be very valuable in that big picture idea! An Occupational Therapist (OT) looks at fine motor and motor planning and sensory integration. If your son has issues with loud noises, or is sensitive to touches like hates socks a certain way, or only will hug on his terms or if he seems hyper (that can be "sensory seeking" and looks very much like adhd) there are great therapies to help. My son is a child who spends large portions of his school day especially being corrected, consequenced and he has had to earn every single thing he gets to do. While the methods can work to a degree, can you imagine your whole life working so hard all the time. He even said when he was much younger...Mom, can you tell them this is the way God made me and I am doing the best I can? I about lost my heart. I am the same, have to correct him and always be on guard and boy have I had to work hard to make sure that his world is set up for far less conflict so he can be successful. Much of what I do is to have to think ahead and not put him in situations where I know it is too hard for him. Even if he LOVES to do something....I make lots of decisions not to do things. Identifying triggers and avoiding them (and in some cases then working to expose and deal with them in a systematic way...an example for my son is loud places, I always have ear plugs with me in case but some situations we just simply do not do) reduce our overall stress as a family and when stress is lower, the behaviors are lower and the cycle goes down instead of up into more stress/behaviors. Of course this goes up and down and I say my motto is "monitor and adjust" because he grows and changes, situations change, etc....and I lose my focus even at times and have to really work hard to get on top of how I talk to him and being consistent with our schedule and the methods I use (like giving him a daily written schedule and not changing unless I do it on paper and monitor his reaction). Maybe you can share more about his early development and current issues and parents who can relate can be more specific about chiming in. Examples: birth history (any trauma/emergency?), any illness? how early did he start to talk, how does he play when alone? Does he use imaginative play well? Is he able to do back and forth idea exchange in play with other kids? Is he sensitive to touch, foods, sounds, sights? Does his mood suddenly change? Does he have any high interest areas? Does he have anxieties/fears? How does he do when he is not with you...like at school or daycare? What things DO work for you? Anything? Ok, I'll shut up now, smile. Just welcome and so sorry you are going through this. I still worry about what will happen but we really need to work on things a day or a section of life at a time. HUGs to you! Dee (buddy) [/QUOTE]
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