911 Dummy -

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    As most CD/PE houses are aware from time to time there WILL be confrontations with your adult children. While I hate the word adult children thinking it somewhat of an oxymoron our progeny chose to attempt to engage us in a one sided 3 hour battle of push the parent last night.

    I was willing to listen/ignore. Then he crossed the line threatened, and that was his last chance. If he threatened again? I'd call 911, get the sheriff out here - and he could go where ever he liked, but he would NOT live here. DF stepped out of the kitchen and backed me up. At that point Mr. Mouth springs to life, grabs the phone and yells "CALL THEM, CALL THEM MOM...you know you want to, and I don't care."

    Then he picked up the phone, with it off, dialed the 9-1-1 very dramatically and tossed the phone on the coffee table, then threatened to throw a hammer through the TV set, told Pootie she was a weirdo, screamed at the other dogs, stomped through the house, yelled at DF some unintelligible blubberings, slammed the door and went to his bed.

    I left for the grocery store to pick up a few things, and when I got back? DF said "You miss all the fun, we had a very large, cop here while you were gone. Apparently our genius son dialed 911, hung up and it caused a police officer to show up and just so he could be sure since Dude has been in crisis before he had to walk in every room, I had to unlock every door, I had to explain WHY we had to lock every door, and once he looked around the outside and I played usher the dogs here, and there? He left. How fun was that?"

    AND OF COURSE....the one day out of six months that DUde has lived with us the pig sty that used to be my beautiful living room was actually cleaned with all his laundry and garbage, plates, cups, trash picked up so even if we had said "LOOK AT HOW HE LIVES?" it just made us look like liars.

    I literally just stood in the kitchen and looked at Dude...and said
    YOU BIG DUMMY....even when we don't call the police you call them on yourself.

    After enduring his bull for 3 hours? He found someone to loan him the money for a train ticket. His ex girlfriends father. OMG. Are you serious!? Then he was all smiles, and kisses, literally skipping around. Hugging us. I told him to leave me alone, I couldn't deal with him and his mood swings. He said "Do you think I'm Bi-Polar?" I said "No, I do not. I think you are BI-(lastname) jerk. Who is so much like his biofather who also would intimidate, manipulate, beat, threaten, cry, say anything to get what he wanted to get people to do what he wanted, act crazy, act sad, be mean, use his size and strength to beat people to submission - and when they did what he wanted? He was all huggy and kissy just like you. Difference is I left that behavior once....and I see it happening in you and I won't have a problem leaving that behavior again. It's cruel, it makes people crazy and I have no desire to attend 12 more years of therapy. It works sure, but you loose loyal people along the way that love you. You just have to decide if it's worth it. So far? I guess you think it is because you're this close to loosing your Mom for good, I won't live like this."

    This morning? He gets to work and finds out that they will need him through next week. Idiot me helped him go to work with another crew since the new boss he was with seems to have developed...a bad habit. Well now that's the note he had left on my desk to book his ticket to FL (you know to go down there to FL and work) he crumpled up and threw at me. I needed his ID, and when I asked for it he threw THAT at me too. So I threw it out in the conference room. When the boss wanted to know what it was doing out there? I said "Oh there's your ID DUDE.....he lost it on the way to my office." When he went out and picked it up? He walked back in and handed it to me. THen said "Thanks...A LOT for screwing up my trip."

    I kept thinking what's the difference if you work here....or there? Hmmmm further investigation shows there is a HUGE "redneck flotilla" party this weekend and he wanted to go. Awwww. Sheesh We're barely paying the bills because of the added expense of him....and he's trotting off to go play in the mud?


    So that explains all the intimidation and 3 hour tour to Gilligans Island last night. He figured if he kept it up we'd break down and say "Just let him goooooo...OMG get him out of here." and hand him the money. Yeah...not gonna happen. When he offered to crush his car to get the money? OMG I nearly spit water out of my nose. Wow what a drama queen.

    Wonder how many times you can call 911 before they lock you up. (insert evil grin) :confused:

    Now I know what John Wayne meant in those cowboy movies when he said "Yer days are numbered pilgrim." He's $185 dollars away from paying his probation officer from doing paperwork to transfer him? I'm going to make SURE he gets no check this week and they roll it into next weeks check and when that's $200.....that should give him the money he needs to take to her and get out of here. Then he CAN crush his car....take that for a train ticket, pack his bags and GO.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I just dont know what to say anymore.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I don't know either...other than what we had thought and was working due to him working, that is now falling apart because apparently everyone in the free world is broke except for money for drugs (ARGH) -and they don't pay their help in full. (nice way to teach a young man too)

    Is going down hill quickly...and while Dude agrees he has to get out too, there is no money FOR him to move, pay his probation and get out. Every cent he's made he's put on fines/probation and it's still not enough. Almost all the friends he has have moved in with their parents - all of them. They've all lost their jobs, two were living on the streets - one nearly died from an overdose; his parents found him and took him in I guess out of guilt. It's really bad here. Most of the fast food places have adults working in them not teenagers. It's kinda odd to go to a drive though and see all women my age working the line.

    Sad thing is we thought if we just let him go to jail? That would wipe out his fines and nope. He just sits there until it's paid. Not our problem, but wow. I'd like to be paid back at some point for some of the money we've handed him to help. He figures he can go to FL and work, have friends and make it. I'm not trying to keep him here, but I'm not going to fund his trip either. Done that twice...and back once.

    I hate money.
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Star so sorry things are deteriorating. I agree it is time for you to let him go even help him go. you have been more than good to him and all you get in return is grief. Let him lead the life he chooses away from you. My difficult child seems to want little do dow with me now that I didn't let him come home. left here without a hug on Sunday came by to pick up someof his stuff on monday again no hug and them was supposed to stop by yesterday for his social security but didn't. Know what? It's fine with me. -RM
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry, my friend. DDD
  6. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this.

    On the brite side, things didn't get so bad that you actually had to call the police. With kids like ours, we have to look for the good where we can find it.

    But, on the other hand, it's so disheartening when our kids start to show signs that they are growing up, then suddenly they are difficult children again.

    I know for me, it's the return to GFGdom that always hits harder. Maybe it's because we hope so much for our kids to turn that final corner and start showing all the promise that we know is there.

    Star, you have inspired me so many times with the love you have for Dude. Know that I'm sending warm thoughts your way.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I know only to well how horrible it is out there. Cory is trying hard to find something...anything. He has called voc rehab and they wont even attempt to help him because he isnt currently enrolled in mental health. Never mind that mental health is cutting programs left and right and his main issues with working right now are physical and lack of education and his transportation issues! They really could help him with that!

    Right now, Tony lost his job last week. Hopefully his boss will find something soon for them to do but meanwhile I am scouring the internet looking. Maybe I can find something. I told his boss if I find the job I get a percentage of gross! LOL. Fair I think.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Star. Many hugs.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Here. Have a sugar-free fudgsicle. You'll feel better.

  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    OMG you know I think there ought to be a place you can take employers and let them face parents - angry parents who would REALLY like to grab the guys our kids are forced to work with and just let me have 10 min...5...2 minutes with them in a locked room where no one could hear them scream and let me at em.

    The guy Dude worked with today? Wonderful. Dude said "Why can't they all be like him Momma?" He said "We're going to do this, I need YOU to do a.b.c...and I expect it done buy XX oclock or time." Then he said "Do you know how to do a.b.c.? Okay then I'll be over here doing my thing." AND HE LEFT ME ALONE and only said "If you need help ask." I didn't get screamed at, I didn't have to wade in mud up to my butt, my boots aren't soaked, we actually TOOK a 30 minute lunch. It was awesome. If I could work with a guy like that, and make $50 a day? I'd stay, pay my fines and feel like getting up in the morning and GOING to work."

    It just made me want to smack the hair off the other guy. Who--- has not been near the shop, but did manage to get to the job site sometime today, and did just enough work to get some kind of a check drawn this week. And no one is the wiser because it rained for three days while he did his "thing". Know what I mean?? How do these guys always get so lucky?

    Dude won't say anything, I'm not going to say anything, and he just gets to keep doing work for the company. At least Dude said "Well he wont' have me to kick around any more and he should be ashamed because I know what he did and if he has 1/2 a brain he'll know I told you." Plus he still owes Dude money from last week. Unreal.

    Whatever Dude thinks he'll find in FL? I hope he finds it. Thanks for your understanding. It's nice to know I'm not alone. If nothing else I have that. That and a Pootie who loves Chester.
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Star, I might be mistaken, but I thought Florida was one of the places with the higher unemployment rates?
  12. ML

    ML Guest

    I hope he finds it in FL too. Heck, at least he will have nicer weather. I know I could do with more sunshine and Vitamin D.

    This is a hard age for all young adults but especially so for our gfsg. What a tough time to be out there trying to enter the work force and the place where the grown up games are played. It's depressing out there even for a priveleged college grad to get a leg up let alone one of our kids who seem bent on doing things the hard way.

    I still believe in our dude. He is a good, decent kid with a good heart like his mom. He *will* make it. Things out there are bound to get better -- and I sure hope it's soon.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love and hugs, ML
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm still trying to figure out how the supposed unemployment rate is going down when I'm just seeing more and more and more people out of work. And most of those people have now also run out of unemployment benefits. A big reason I didn't throw a hissy when husband told me he's applied for his social security. He's not had a single nibble, nada. Nichole is scoping out other job possibilities because although the factory called her back.......she's been sent home from work right after getting there every single day since. What was the point? So the kid couldn't get unemployment??

    Our fast food places are full of adult employees. They've crowded out the teens. Walmart is also full of older adult employees......I'm not seeing as many people in their 20s there anymore. Sigh It's bad, real bad.

    I'm sorry Dude is sinking back into gfgdom. Darn it to heck I was so hoping he'd left that hole for good. :(

  14. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    This is like dealing with SSDI and finding that with my MH issues combined with my spinal stenosis...well, according to the vocational rep at the hearing, there were all of 200 jobs in the entire STATE I could do, and all of those were at least 150 miles away.

    I'm STILL looking for part time work, but there is NOTHING out there for me. Can't work at fast food because I can't deal with the time pressure and I have executive functioning problems, not to mention I can't stand on my feet for an 8 hour shift and have a 20lb lifting restriction due to my back.

    Oh yeah, there's night shift warehouse jobs, but I sure can't lift 75 lbs, and I wouldn't trust myself with a forklift. Can't work in retail for some of the same reasons.

    No one would touch me as the network analyst I was for years because I'm too out of date and not able to keep track of all the data.

    Ugh...I feel like I'm sponging off the gov't on SSDI, but there's just no flipping work out there.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    To address the FL thing -----

    Dude has (loosely saying this) 'family' and 'friends' down there. When I left? I left. However there is a life-time of people we knew that love Dude and had no reason to dislike me that would love to help him. Since meeting him they feel that he is nothing like his bio dad and offered him jobs in their businesses.
    Here in SC we have no network of friends and no family at all. We are not supported in anyway other than by a few people I've met through the company I work at. This would be a major step towards independence for him and we could all use a break, plus it's close to him being 20 and he needs to be on his own.

    I'm tired of gluing my hair back on my head in clumps....:tongue: I'm not able to really make it look "stylish" any more if you get my drift.