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9M difficult child... I'm wearing thin fast.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 613690" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We adopted a few kids who were substance abused but one also had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and all I can say is watch your younger kids and never let him alone with them. If you have pets, same thing. medications can't fix Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and these kids, for reasons that make sense...very unstable beginnings...do not have normal emotions toward others and can not love or attach. There ARE therapists specific to reactive attachment disorder. I don't know how much they can really help. The child we adopted was so damaged and dangerous that we had to tell CPS to take him from us. He was sexually abusing our two youngest kids (also adopted...I have NOTHING against adopted kids, just that some adopted kids are too damaged to save). </p><p></p><p>Watch your younger kids. Put an alarm on his door at night so you know when he gets up. We had no idea that this child was having sex with them. He was sneaky and he scared the two younger kids into silence. I still feel guilty that I didn't know, but he had fooled a string of foster parents before him too. He had offended in every home he was in, we found out after he was taken to a residential facility. He confessed there. To this day I don't think his foster parents before us believe he did it. </p><p></p><p>He also killed two of our dogs, stole a knife that he used in secret on the two youngest, and had no remorse for anything he had done nor did he understand why he had done it. I think the drugs his birthmother had used plus his unstable beginnings ruined him at a very young age, far before we'd met him. He is now a registered sex offender. He was tried at age thirteen for sexual contact with my daughter, who was very young. He was found guilty. We didn't ask for him to be tried in court. The county just did it. So he is a sex offender for life.</p><p></p><p>I am not going to say that your son is doing sexual stuff for sure. I don't know that. But I would not take anything for granted. Many Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids act out sexually on younger siblings, harm animals, and try to do harmful things to others. I spent years in an adoptive parent support group and while my experience was extreme, there were other Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids who had done the same things. I would quietly ask your younger kids if difficult child has ever been in their room at night or scared them by touching them in ways they didn't like. They may or may not tell the truth, but at least you are letting them know they can and should come to you if it happens. I wish we'd done this, but we did not feel that our child would EVER sexually act out because he acted asexual and was very obedient around all adults. Please don't take anything for granted.</p><p></p><p>I am just a Mom who has adopted kids, but I disagree with your therapist. I doubt if surrounding him with normal peers will help him. I think it will just give him more ammo to hurt them and they won't see it coming. Kids who have trouble attaching do not pay attention to nor care about how their peers behave. My opinion is he should be within eyesight of a caring, but watchful adult at all times and that requires a smaller group of kids. You usually don't get that in a group of "typical" kids.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'd say you need to protect the younger kids and pets first and then look for a therapist who specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Most therapists have no idea what it is or how to treat it.</p><p></p><p>I feel for your hurting mommy heart. This experience was a nightmare for us and I reach out to you with love and prayers. Nothing he does is your fault...it happened before his birth and just after...I hope you check in with updates. by the way, congrats on your wonderful family. Sounds like you and your husband have done a great job with the kids. This child is NOT YOUR FAULT and I'm so happy for you that you have so many wonderful children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 613690, member: 1550"] We adopted a few kids who were substance abused but one also had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and all I can say is watch your younger kids and never let him alone with them. If you have pets, same thing. medications can't fix Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and these kids, for reasons that make sense...very unstable beginnings...do not have normal emotions toward others and can not love or attach. There ARE therapists specific to reactive attachment disorder. I don't know how much they can really help. The child we adopted was so damaged and dangerous that we had to tell CPS to take him from us. He was sexually abusing our two youngest kids (also adopted...I have NOTHING against adopted kids, just that some adopted kids are too damaged to save). Watch your younger kids. Put an alarm on his door at night so you know when he gets up. We had no idea that this child was having sex with them. He was sneaky and he scared the two younger kids into silence. I still feel guilty that I didn't know, but he had fooled a string of foster parents before him too. He had offended in every home he was in, we found out after he was taken to a residential facility. He confessed there. To this day I don't think his foster parents before us believe he did it. He also killed two of our dogs, stole a knife that he used in secret on the two youngest, and had no remorse for anything he had done nor did he understand why he had done it. I think the drugs his birthmother had used plus his unstable beginnings ruined him at a very young age, far before we'd met him. He is now a registered sex offender. He was tried at age thirteen for sexual contact with my daughter, who was very young. He was found guilty. We didn't ask for him to be tried in court. The county just did it. So he is a sex offender for life. I am not going to say that your son is doing sexual stuff for sure. I don't know that. But I would not take anything for granted. Many Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids act out sexually on younger siblings, harm animals, and try to do harmful things to others. I spent years in an adoptive parent support group and while my experience was extreme, there were other Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids who had done the same things. I would quietly ask your younger kids if difficult child has ever been in their room at night or scared them by touching them in ways they didn't like. They may or may not tell the truth, but at least you are letting them know they can and should come to you if it happens. I wish we'd done this, but we did not feel that our child would EVER sexually act out because he acted asexual and was very obedient around all adults. Please don't take anything for granted. I am just a Mom who has adopted kids, but I disagree with your therapist. I doubt if surrounding him with normal peers will help him. I think it will just give him more ammo to hurt them and they won't see it coming. Kids who have trouble attaching do not pay attention to nor care about how their peers behave. My opinion is he should be within eyesight of a caring, but watchful adult at all times and that requires a smaller group of kids. You usually don't get that in a group of "typical" kids. I'd say you need to protect the younger kids and pets first and then look for a therapist who specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Most therapists have no idea what it is or how to treat it. I feel for your hurting mommy heart. This experience was a nightmare for us and I reach out to you with love and prayers. Nothing he does is your fault...it happened before his birth and just after...I hope you check in with updates. by the way, congrats on your wonderful family. Sounds like you and your husband have done a great job with the kids. This child is NOT YOUR FAULT and I'm so happy for you that you have so many wonderful children. [/QUOTE]
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