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General Parenting
9M difficult child... I'm wearing thin fast.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 613756" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hey...I relate to lots of what you said. Our kid would lie about the dumbest things, even when caught. But "crazy lying" (lying when caught) is a symptom of attachment problems, although it isn't the only reason kids do this. </p><p></p><p>Also, honestly, we thought that our boy was asexual. He didn't like touch either and never ever spoke about sex and we got him when he was already eleven. He was thirteen when we found out that he probably didn't talk or act sexual in front of us because of what he was doing to the younger two. We had no clue he was doing anything either. My two younger kids were not acting out either. They did a good job of hiding it. It is always better to be careful than to just hope for the best...just in case. </p><p></p><p>This is the dirty secret that many, even some on this board will not face (nor did I until we adopted this child). Some kids are so broken before they even come into our care that they can not be fixed. If there are other kids around and your son becomes dangerous, then you have to think if you want him in the house and will lock it down like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or if you want to save the others and let this one live away from home in another place, maybe where there are no other kids or pets. Nobody likes to say this about kids. Many would argue with me. None who have argued have had this kind of child.</p><p></p><p>This child was diagnosed as cognitively delayed by his psychiatrist who treated him when he was in foster care, but I believe he is brilliant both in figuring out other people and his acting skills and his ability to behave normally in front of adults and just the opposite around kids. How weird is it that he had been in five foster homes and admitted, once he was in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), that he had perpetrated on younger kids since he was five, and not one of his foster parents ever knew it. The one before us didn't believe us. And she had had a daycare center in her house! Maybe she couldn't afford to believe it. At any rate, he admitted it once he was living in the treating facility for young sexual perpetrators. When asked why he did it, he said, "I really don't know." When asked if he'd been sexually abused he said, "Not that I remember." When asked why he killed the dogs, he said, "I don't know." When asked if he disliked the dogs, he said, "No, I did like them." Nothing he answered made any kind of normal sense. Since we were still legally his parents we got to see all his treatment stuff. Scary kid. He also liked to play with fire, but we hadn't known that either. He just lit matches and set little fires to the carpeting in front of the youngest two. He got a kick out of terrorizing them.</p><p></p><p>If you would have told me a kid could be hopeless before this experience, I would have thought, "What a *****" about whomever said that. But this experience plus joining an adoptive parent group and hearing many parents with stories similar to mine made me learn that attachment disorder is very serious and very close to the adult who has antisocial personality disorder. Since it is so socially unacceptable to say that a child is hopelessly broken, many people like us don't talk about it because who will believe us? Who won't condemn us? Who won't BLAME us???? It's horrible. I feel for you.</p><p></p><p> The sad part is, it could have been avoided...but that's a whole other story. This was not YOUR fault. All you can do is wait and see how it goes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 613756, member: 1550"] Hey...I relate to lots of what you said. Our kid would lie about the dumbest things, even when caught. But "crazy lying" (lying when caught) is a symptom of attachment problems, although it isn't the only reason kids do this. Also, honestly, we thought that our boy was asexual. He didn't like touch either and never ever spoke about sex and we got him when he was already eleven. He was thirteen when we found out that he probably didn't talk or act sexual in front of us because of what he was doing to the younger two. We had no clue he was doing anything either. My two younger kids were not acting out either. They did a good job of hiding it. It is always better to be careful than to just hope for the best...just in case. This is the dirty secret that many, even some on this board will not face (nor did I until we adopted this child). Some kids are so broken before they even come into our care that they can not be fixed. If there are other kids around and your son becomes dangerous, then you have to think if you want him in the house and will lock it down like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or if you want to save the others and let this one live away from home in another place, maybe where there are no other kids or pets. Nobody likes to say this about kids. Many would argue with me. None who have argued have had this kind of child. This child was diagnosed as cognitively delayed by his psychiatrist who treated him when he was in foster care, but I believe he is brilliant both in figuring out other people and his acting skills and his ability to behave normally in front of adults and just the opposite around kids. How weird is it that he had been in five foster homes and admitted, once he was in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), that he had perpetrated on younger kids since he was five, and not one of his foster parents ever knew it. The one before us didn't believe us. And she had had a daycare center in her house! Maybe she couldn't afford to believe it. At any rate, he admitted it once he was living in the treating facility for young sexual perpetrators. When asked why he did it, he said, "I really don't know." When asked if he'd been sexually abused he said, "Not that I remember." When asked why he killed the dogs, he said, "I don't know." When asked if he disliked the dogs, he said, "No, I did like them." Nothing he answered made any kind of normal sense. Since we were still legally his parents we got to see all his treatment stuff. Scary kid. He also liked to play with fire, but we hadn't known that either. He just lit matches and set little fires to the carpeting in front of the youngest two. He got a kick out of terrorizing them. If you would have told me a kid could be hopeless before this experience, I would have thought, "What a *****" about whomever said that. But this experience plus joining an adoptive parent group and hearing many parents with stories similar to mine made me learn that attachment disorder is very serious and very close to the adult who has antisocial personality disorder. Since it is so socially unacceptable to say that a child is hopelessly broken, many people like us don't talk about it because who will believe us? Who won't condemn us? Who won't BLAME us???? It's horrible. I feel for you. The sad part is, it could have been avoided...but that's a whole other story. This was not YOUR fault. All you can do is wait and see how it goes. [/QUOTE]
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