A Bit Angery

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by babyblue31, May 28, 2008.

  1. babyblue31

    babyblue31 New Member

    I need to address somethings and some people... First I would like to say this place has been a GOD sent for me.. Now I dont dread every moment with my son. There are days when things are really bad.. And then there are days there good. He's ADHD with no medications. cause he's 4, least thats what the theripist said. Althrough my nephews have been on ADHD medications for 2 or 3 years. Sence they were 3 and 4.... Yes i get medical and food stamps. It's not that i can't or don't want to work, with no daycare or someone to watch my son it's hard to get a job.. Trust me I want to work.. So far this afternoon is going ok.. And I'm glad for that.. I LOVE MY SON WITH ALL OF ME... THERE ARE JUST TIMES I NEED A BREAK, AND EVERYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN NEEDS A BREAK EVERY NOW AND THEN:2dissapointed:
     
  2. CCRidr2

    CCRidr2 Sheena-Warrior Momma

    I was just saying that I dread summer, today is the last day of school. Does that make me a bad Mom? No! It just means that we all need room to breathe and with school out there will be none.

    Question though, if your son's doctor will not prescribe medications, could you possibly find another doctor? Some doctor's will just NOT prescribe medications for kids. Might take some doing but could be worth it in the end. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you! HUGS!!!

    CC
     
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I have 3 boys and a stepdaughter. My oldest is a easy child. My second is a difficult child. He was actually my ex-husband's son from his previous marriage, and when we split, I kept the boy. Good thing, too, cause both his bio's are within 20 miles and have had little to no contact with him since. My door's always been open to them, its been their choice. In fact, he's in the military now, with a listed phone and email and facebook page, and they still don't have any contact with him.
    ***
    When my wee difficult child started showing signs of being like his half-brother, the difficult child, I went to my pediatrician. He was about 15 months old the first time the babysitter sat me down for a heart to heart about my difficult child. My pediatrician said "there's really not much you can do until he's 5 and having trouble in school". I left the office that day defeated. I had to muddle thru 3 more years before anyone would help me.
    ***
    I came here and relayed the story, and everyone on this board said "bologna! and here's the research to back early intervention". I went back to the pediatrician 3 months later, got the same result, so I got a new pediatrician. I called around to offices of therapists who deal with behavior disorders in kids and asked them for names of pediatricians who believe in early intervention. He's been getting help now for 3 years or so.
    ***
    I strongly recommend you do the same. With an internet connection, you should be able to google behavior therapists in your area. Most have general email that you can drop an email to, explain your son has behavior issues and you are looking for a doctor who will treat a child with behavior problems. You need a doctor who can prescribe medications, IF NEEDED (emphasize the 'if needed' so they know you're not just medication-seeking), so you'll either need a therapist who works with a pediatrician or a psychiatrist, or a combination of all three. (therapists can't prescribe medications if that's what your son needs, which is why you'll need at least a therapist and a psychiatrist).
    ***
    Other than that, beleive me, we all understand needing a break. Sometimes when you're tired things come off a little harsher than they were meant, and sometimes other moms and dad's here are in the same boat and desperately need a break themselves. I don't think anyone was getting onto you, just trying to give ideas.
    ***
    PM me if I can help you draft an email or anything to try to get your boy some help. He is a cutie. My little one's cute, too. I always joke its a good thing he's cute, cause if he were ugly.... lol Just kidding.
     
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Does boyfriend live with you?

    You have mentioned him a few times. I can't remember if you said he does not have a job or that he is not going to work.

    If he is not working, why? If he lives with you, he should be contributing to the household.

    If there are 2 adults in the home, couldn't you work opposite hours? My husband and I did that for years. that was the only way we could get by.

    As far as your little guy, I recommend getting your hands on the book "Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Even if he is not explosive, this is a very good book to read. It teaches alternate ways of parenting, and as parents of difficult children, we need to learn to be flexible.

    For example, I will use the cleaning of the room. My child is 7. She is plenty old enough to pick up her room by herself. But if I tell her to do it, she has a meltdown. I have learned that there are some things in life that are less important than others, and I have learned to prioritize things. Some things are not worth the meltdown. So, her room is her room. It is usually a sty. I can get her to clean it up (but still with my help) about once a month or so by offering a reward or something. Otherwise, it is much more peaceful to let her live in her own mess.
     
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I think everyone here understands your frustrations. We have all dreaded our children from time to time. Sometimes for moments, sometimes for months. We speak to you from years of experience.

    Everyone here will offer sympathy in their own way. Many will offer advice. You sound like you are in a rut and stuck in panic mode. No matter how much advice we give you, we can't get you out of the rut or the panic mode. Only you can do that. We do want to hear from you about how our advice has helped, even if it is only in the way of having a new thought or feeling a little less stressed.

    We all understand that you have no phone and no job. Many of us have been there. We have been in homeless shelters and domestic abuse shelters. We have lost our children to the state or to other family members. We have taken in grandchildren that our children have abandoned. You are not alone in not having the resources at your fingertips that would be best. From my point of view, you have easy access to the internet and there are resources there that can actually offer real help to you. I hope that you will take some of the advice we have given and run with it.

    We have a saying here. "If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got." Try something new. Do a google search. Go to a church or shelter. If all you walk away with is an idea, you've made your life and your son's life better.

    If push comes to shove, you might consider contacting your family in Ohio and asking if they will assist you in moving back to be with them until you get on your feet. I think you said your boyfriend is on his way out the door. Is there something keeping you in Florida?
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You've gotten some great info and advice here. All I can say is "ditto." :)
     
  7. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Just wanted to say that I think everyone here is helpful and wants the best for you! No one blames you for not working and we certainly understand the need to be home with your son. I pointed out in your last post that you sound troubled and while posting can give you moral support there are people out there in your community that can really help you make changes in your life.

    That's great that you took the initiative to contact headstart. It does make it harder that you don't have a phone. If you can get to a phone, call again and leave an email address, explaining that you don't have phone service.

    I see that you are in Florida. Here's is a link to the office of children and families. Every state is different but you should be able to get a social worker to help you and maybe potential employers can leave messages through her.

    http://www.myflfamilies.com/
    Take advantages of any programs that offer support. You will build a network of people that can help you be more sucessful as a parent and you can build friendships with other moms with similar situation.

    It's obvious that you LOVE your son and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed.

    Good Luck,
    Christy
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I totally understand where you are. If my husband didn't have a job that pays pretty well and has AMAZING INSURANCE we would be on food stamps and medicaid as well. We were on medicaid for 3 years while he was in grad school. I had to quit my job and stay home with kids first because difficult child and because my health issues. I then had to work nights while husband was home iwth the kids. Then my health wouldn't handle that AND husband couldn't handle difficult child.

    I am sorry you feel so overwhelmed. I think we have been in your situation, and I know how much it stunk (actually it hoovered!)


    We are here for you and we really do understand.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh honey I soooo understand where you are coming from! I have been in the parenting business now for 27 years !

    Gosh that makes me sound old...lol.

    There are days I still cant stand my kids. More than you really want to know...I say that as one is yelling shut up at my dog...lol. Obviously mine are grown now and Im working on the next generation but I so vividly remember what I call the horror years.

    Back when my boys were small (7 and under) we lived in a 2 bedroom trailer and lived on 7 bucks an hour to do everything for us. I was a stay at home mom because daycare would have cost more than what I would have made plus I was going to school. How we did it, I will never know.

    I know one thing, my kids went to bed at 7:30 every night. I swore if they werent asleep by 8pm someone was going to be dead. I dealt with getting up early because I knew I would get to have some alone time that evening...at least then I could sleep!

    I also found a mothers morning out program eventually.

    Now with my grand daughter who we have every weekend...I adore her...love her to pieces...but she can get on my nerves to from time to time. I do let her stay up a bit later because she sleeps later and will sleep in with me and let Gamma rest in bed if she wakes up before me. My boys would be up and hell bent on destruction if they woke up before me. She just sits there quietly with me and watches tv.

    My younger two boys were on medications from the ages of 4 onward. This was obviously years ago so doctors have heard of this by now. Just find a new one.

    I am all over the place in this post I know because I havent responded to your other posts...sorry...thought I had. I get distracted.

    Anyway...nice to meet you. Oh...and on picking stuff up. Just make it a game. He is too young to really do much. My grand daughter is an especially helpful two year old and she "helps" me clean up but I wouldnt expect her to be able to clean anything up by herself for years.
     
  10. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    I am so glad that you found a place to vent and feel better. That is what happened when I found this board.

    Once I walked in these shoes (life with difficult child) I have learned to NEVER EVER judge anyone or their situation.

    If I did not have husband, and WONDERFUL bosses and was VERY lucky to have found daycare that was tolerant...I do not know where I would be...
     
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