A bit stunned

[Wiped Out]

I took difficult child to check out the day treatment plan yesterday. The guy seems really good and difficult child really seemed to think it was cool. He was definitely in his prime though, couldn't sit still, was out of seat, drawing on board, taking pens, interrupting constantly, changing subject, getting angry, etc....

The guy saw the real difficult child-I thought that could only help our case. When he shook my hand good bye and said he'd be in touch I didn't have a great feeling.

Today I talked to difficult child's case manager and she said he doesn't think he will fit well with the program-what I got out of it is he thinks difficult child needs too much one on one. Basically I feel like he feels difficult child is too intense. He hasn't completely ruled him out-plans on talking to his psychiatrist and therapist and school but I did get the feeling they are going to say no.

So....if a day treatment program thinks he is too intense.... where do we go from here? I wanted to sit down and cry only I don't have any tears right now.

 

[tiredmommy]

The next step would be inpatient, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or EG boarding school. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[smallworld]

My guess is Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Inpatient is not a long-term solution, and EG boarding school focuses first on education with treatment as a secondary goal. Your difficult child needs treatment as a primary goal.

Hugs, Sharon. I know this is a very difficult time for you and your family.

 

[crazymama30]

Hugs, that had to be so hard. I would second what the others have said.

 

[klmno]

Sharon, even though our situations are different, I understand how hard it is when we want a plan to work for our difficult child's so much- not because of what it would do for us but because we want the best for our difficult child's so much. I just try to keep reminding myself that if I stay focused on what's in difficult child's best interest and change the plan as neccessary, that's the best I can do to maximize his chances for improvement. ((HUGS)) I know that doesn't make it any less disappointing.

 

[Fran]

It was always shocking when I suffered over special needs programs for my son only to find that they didn't think difficult child was able to be part of the program.
I cried many a day driving home from a program visit. I get so crushed when my son was suffering and no one thought they could handle him. How did
anyone think we could handle him? Couldn't the professionals see how desparate we were?
Hugs Wiped Out.

 

[KTMom91]

Many hugs, Sharon. Hope something opens up for him soon.

 

[Josie]

I am sorry for you and him. I can only imagine how shocking this is. Hopefully this will lead you to the right place for him.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. I know how painful it is. I have asked Fran's ?? many times. I have even asked people running the programs that question. They never answer. It really sounds like it is time for an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He really NEEDS the supervision and intense therapy and help. YOU and husband also need a real break. I know it is NOT the reason you look at programs and rtcs, but it is still important.

Many many hugs.

 

[timer lady]

Sharon, like Fran, I'd cry on the drive home for special need program interviews for either kt or wm. husband & I would feel "abandoned", for lack of a better word; our twins were too much for a special needs setting. It floored me time & again.

The next step would be inpatient at a long term mental health facility or a residential setting. Sending many hugs & prayers. You need to talk give me a ring. I understand.

 

[wethreepeeps]

This happened to us once too. They said they worked on a group therapy model and difficult child was too withdrawn to participate and "get anything out of the program". I guess it's for the best, two years later they were shut down for lack of funding.

 

[helpme]

Sending a million and one hugs to you. Finger's crossed that
the case manager does what is best for difficult child.

 

[Wiped Out]

Thank you all for your support-as always it means so much. He had his best day since being out of the hospital today. Really hoping that we can get him the services he needs even if that means Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

 

[gcvmom]

Coming in late to this, Sharon, but wanted to send some encouragement for you. I would definitely lean on others here who have been down this road before. If Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is what he needs, then I hope you find a bed and funding quickly for him so that you can all start down that path towards recovery.

 

[timer lady]

Sweetie, I forget, have you been assigned a case manager. How about discharge notes for the hospital ... what are the recommendations on that - that can go a long way toward Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement. Document all services you have applied for & been denied because of that facilities/treatment center whatever inability to handle difficult child (darlin' boy that he is ).

Step over heads to find someone to get you an answer. Phospital had to keep wm in because husband & I refused to discharge him to home & there weren't any other placements for him other than Residential Treatment Center (RTC). CM backed us up 100% & kept the search on until Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was found for him. The same happened with kt.

Keeping you & yours in my daily thoughts & prayers.

 

[Marguerite]

A couple of thoughts to hold onto:

1) They saw the real difficult child, as you said. So no illusions here. They would know exactly what they would be dealing with.

2) They seem to think it wouldn't be a good placement, that they wouldn't be able to cope with difficult child. Well, value that honesty. Finding out now, that it's not a good placement, is better than finding out in a couple of years' time.

I also understand the tears of "I don't know where to place my child, if even these guys can't cope. So what do they expect ME to do?"
It does show up the possible gaps in what is available for our kids. Ideally, there shouldn't be any gaps. But we all know that there aren't the options here that there should be.

Sometimes near enough never can be good enough.

Hang in there. At least one unsuitable option looks like being ruled out before you waste any more effort on it.

Marg

 

[JJJ]

I remember that feeling when our local children's mental health clinic told me that they were giving Kanga one more chance to behave at the clinic or they were going to have to drop her as a patient. (How can you be too sick to see the doctor????) Once I got over enough of the shock to ask questions they explained that there were higher levels of service at other places. Maybe if this place turns him down they can give you some new ones to call.

(((HUGS)))