Those of you who read Parent Emeritus know what's been going on in my life lately with my daughter, so I won't re-tell the tale here. But, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have been supportive of me the last few days. I spend most of my time asleep, or awake and crying and wishing I were asleep. I have cancelled everything in my calendar for the next week because it was "happy-go-lucky share my good times with me" type stuff and I feel neither happy nor lucky and these aren't good times. I've looked up my long-ago therapist who saw me through all of the stuff when it was actively happening, and hope that she has not retired and can see me. It would be far too difficult to start fresh. The particular incident of brainwashing of L by her dad and late step-mom and the psychiatrist they brought into the situation is only one of many horrific things they did to systematically break the bond between L and I over the first 7 years of her life. Any one of them on their own would have been enough. I did talk to her dad the other night and he admitted to me that from the time she could talk it was their purpose to undermine my relationship as a parent to L, and that although he regrets it now (big whoop) he realizes that this is what has made her into such a cold and uncaring human being. He "wouldn't do it again" if he had the chance to do it over. FWIW, I told him that as they watched the next few months unfold with L having officially displaced me I hoped that they all feel bad. Yes, in those exact words because foul curses hold too much anger, and I won't give them that much power in my words. It's just a fact. They should feel bad about what the end result of their acts is, and I hope that they do. There are a lot of you who don't read on PE, and I know you read here. What I'd like to say to those of you who are not with your child's other biological parent is that they may or may not be a good parent to your child. I know how hard it is to watch them go off with someone whose values don't match yours. Sometimes he or she or their boy/girlfriend du jour is awful and you have to protect your children from them and we all know that there are ways to protect our children from those people without destroying the image our children have of them. I beg of you, please don't make threats to take parental rights away if there is no real threat to their well being that can't be stopped some other way. Please don't tell your children that the other parent is a "sperm donor" or an "egg supplier". You'll warp your child. Your child will wonder why it is that the only person who seems to really want them is someone who is unworthy which must make them unworthy. These children are not prizes that go to the victor, only to be paid great amounts of attention when someone else wants them. Keep it to yourself. Keep it amongst the adults in your life who are able to contribute to your child's well-being. These are not things that your child needs to hear or be aware of. Your child will know who is good to them and who is not. They don't need you to explain it to them. I'm saying this because I know that there have been times in the past when I have come down hard on some of you because a visitation exchange went poorly or a rule of your home was disregarded elsewhere and you spoke of taking away that other parent's rights. Please, if you really love your child, if you really want them to grow into a warm and caring adult, let the small stuff slide and deal with the big stuff amongst the adults.