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Substance Abuse
A Christmas to forget
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725955" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, Strangeworld, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this ordeal. Please make sure that you get to counseling and AlAnon. The detachment article on this board is also excellent. I think it is at the top of the Substance Abuse Forum or the Parents Emeritus Forum before the threads start. </p><p></p><p>I know it may seem that self care is selfish and foolish, but it really isn't. I am sure you have heard the about putting the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child if you are in an airplane and masks are needed? Think about why you have to take care of yourself first. If you put the mask on your child and then you pass out, your child probably cannot move you and put the mask on you. If you put your mask on and your child passes out, you are able to move your child and put the mask on her. Self care when dealing with alcoholism is the same thing.</p><p></p><p>My brother hit bottom when he was in his mid 30s. He started drinking at age 12. Until then, no one believed me when I told them he had a problem with alcohol. A spree of felonies over a weekend will change that, especially when you don't remember them. My mother took care of everything he needed. She did the court stuff, got a lawyer for him, got what he needed for jail, everything. She never stopped to take care of herself, or even to realize what a toll it took on her mind and her body. About 39 months later, she had a breakdown. It resulted in her needing to retire with disability. Neither her body or mind could cope any longer. It took about 2 years for her to fully recover. By then my brother was as fully into sobriety as anyone gets, and thankfully he realizes that he needs AA to be a part of his daily life. it has been almost 20 years and he is still going to AA. Thankfully my mom is mostly recovered.</p><p></p><p>Don't let this steal so much of your life. Get the help you need. The best therapy for PTSD is called EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Retraining. It truly is the gold standard for PTSD therapy and can produce wonderful results if you stick with it. </p><p></p><p>As for how to help your daughter, help yourself first. As you help yourself, you will see the path that will show you what you can, and cannot, do to help her. If she does not want help, there isn't much you can do. You didn't cause it, you cannot control it, and you certainly cannot cure it. I am not sure how she pays her bills, but as you become healthier by going to AlAnon and reading and learning about your own codependence, you will learn what you are doing to enable her and what you can do to help her in a healthy way. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that you must watch her do this to herself. Addiction is a cruel and ugly disease that steals so many of our loved ones. I hope and pray that in time your loved one can find the path to sobriety.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725955, member: 1233"] First of all, Strangeworld, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this ordeal. Please make sure that you get to counseling and AlAnon. The detachment article on this board is also excellent. I think it is at the top of the Substance Abuse Forum or the Parents Emeritus Forum before the threads start. I know it may seem that self care is selfish and foolish, but it really isn't. I am sure you have heard the about putting the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child if you are in an airplane and masks are needed? Think about why you have to take care of yourself first. If you put the mask on your child and then you pass out, your child probably cannot move you and put the mask on you. If you put your mask on and your child passes out, you are able to move your child and put the mask on her. Self care when dealing with alcoholism is the same thing. My brother hit bottom when he was in his mid 30s. He started drinking at age 12. Until then, no one believed me when I told them he had a problem with alcohol. A spree of felonies over a weekend will change that, especially when you don't remember them. My mother took care of everything he needed. She did the court stuff, got a lawyer for him, got what he needed for jail, everything. She never stopped to take care of herself, or even to realize what a toll it took on her mind and her body. About 39 months later, she had a breakdown. It resulted in her needing to retire with disability. Neither her body or mind could cope any longer. It took about 2 years for her to fully recover. By then my brother was as fully into sobriety as anyone gets, and thankfully he realizes that he needs AA to be a part of his daily life. it has been almost 20 years and he is still going to AA. Thankfully my mom is mostly recovered. Don't let this steal so much of your life. Get the help you need. The best therapy for PTSD is called EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Retraining. It truly is the gold standard for PTSD therapy and can produce wonderful results if you stick with it. As for how to help your daughter, help yourself first. As you help yourself, you will see the path that will show you what you can, and cannot, do to help her. If she does not want help, there isn't much you can do. You didn't cause it, you cannot control it, and you certainly cannot cure it. I am not sure how she pays her bills, but as you become healthier by going to AlAnon and reading and learning about your own codependence, you will learn what you are doing to enable her and what you can do to help her in a healthy way. I am so sorry that you must watch her do this to herself. Addiction is a cruel and ugly disease that steals so many of our loved ones. I hope and pray that in time your loved one can find the path to sobriety. [/QUOTE]
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