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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
A Christmas to forget
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<blockquote data-quote="strangeworld" data-source="post: 726725" data-attributes="member: 22313"><p>First I have to say thank you for your replies. I want to respond to everyone and right Now I am in bed with a nasty cold so I sm on my phone. </p><p>I appreciate the compassion from all of you. I just had a crying fit...probably induced by pms and my cold mainly. I read my post here snd feel like a complete phoney now. I am not feeling strong. I miss my daughter. I do feel in my deepest core, like I failed her. Even though I know I was a decent parent who loved and tried to do the right things. I know I was a push over at times and also did not follow through with consequences because of fear. Same with hubs. And there were times I found myself on her level, screaming like a banchee because I had had enough. There, I said it. I failed at enforcing consequences and hoped problems would work themselves out. I yelled a few times. I also realize consequences, when we tried to enforce them, made life in our home a living Hell. A living, breathing nightmare. So I realize, I wasn't perfect and I wanted to be. I forgive myself becsuse I realize I might not even ne remembering things correctly. Maybe all the times my daughter went straight for the heart of her ridiculous mother actually became my reality. It's taken a long time to feel strong and to have this meltdown today has shown me I have miles to go. </p><p></p><p>Thanks again for your supportive words everyone . I'm sure once I finally get through my thick skull that life is not fair I will be okay again. Healing and growing and letting go is not a straight line. Setbacks happen. Bad things happen to good people. Addiction happens to good people. Life is not fair. I really wish I had not cried because now my nose is even more stuffed up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strangeworld, post: 726725, member: 22313"] First I have to say thank you for your replies. I want to respond to everyone and right Now I am in bed with a nasty cold so I sm on my phone. I appreciate the compassion from all of you. I just had a crying fit...probably induced by pms and my cold mainly. I read my post here snd feel like a complete phoney now. I am not feeling strong. I miss my daughter. I do feel in my deepest core, like I failed her. Even though I know I was a decent parent who loved and tried to do the right things. I know I was a push over at times and also did not follow through with consequences because of fear. Same with hubs. And there were times I found myself on her level, screaming like a banchee because I had had enough. There, I said it. I failed at enforcing consequences and hoped problems would work themselves out. I yelled a few times. I also realize consequences, when we tried to enforce them, made life in our home a living Hell. A living, breathing nightmare. So I realize, I wasn't perfect and I wanted to be. I forgive myself becsuse I realize I might not even ne remembering things correctly. Maybe all the times my daughter went straight for the heart of her ridiculous mother actually became my reality. It's taken a long time to feel strong and to have this meltdown today has shown me I have miles to go. Thanks again for your supportive words everyone . I'm sure once I finally get through my thick skull that life is not fair I will be okay again. Healing and growing and letting go is not a straight line. Setbacks happen. Bad things happen to good people. Addiction happens to good people. Life is not fair. I really wish I had not cried because now my nose is even more stuffed up. [/QUOTE]
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A Christmas to forget
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