Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
A Christmas to forget
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="strangeworld" data-source="post: 727345" data-attributes="member: 22313"><p>To all who have replied, thank you. I come to read very often but usually I am not on my computer and it's too hard and slow to respond on my phone so I don't respond often. I am deeply appreciative off all of you and your thoughts, opinions and most of all the camaraderie in this place we never wanted to be. My daughter asked to be picked up yesterday when I picked up my son gets picked up from school. I said okay. She came home, was sort of pleasant, sort of not. It was obvious she was either hung over when I picked her up or she had already been drinking although the smell of alcohol wasn't really that prominent. I feel like I have nothing to talk about anymore - with her. Part of it is that I feel drained. Part of this is because of the alcohol/drugs/secrecy of her life. Part of it is because I if I try to talk about anything of significance about her life, it turns into a one sided screaming match or a monologue on her part. I have kicked her out of the car miles away from her "hang out" before due to this. And I am very cautious now because I don't want to have that happen again. Part of it is there is a piece of me that remembers myself at 19 and when I look at her I feel my own shame. I was hardly any different other than I was doing what my parents wanted me to do (in theory)...going to college (barely), living on my own (with their financial help as long as I stayed in school). I was drinking non stop at this age and for 10 years more until I stopped completely. Thank God. Someone was looking out for me - I should probably be dead. But I wasn't "couch surfing" or park camping, or homeless. I had completed high school and had my drivers license (and a fake one so I could get into bars of course). I might have been a complete flake but I was singing in a band every weekend and was attempting college. I had confidence in myself - something my poor daughter does not have. That is the one thing I pray for - that she reclaims some of the confidence she had when she was little. Or self worth. </p><p></p><p>My husband just took her back into town. She showered and cleaned up. Put some makeup on. Was up at 6 and ate breakfast. Played a lot of piano and was singing. I guess if I think about it, this is better than it was a couple years ago in some sense. Refusing to get up - refusing to eat - cutting - verbally abusive - menacing - breaking car windshields. It's really obvious, now that I think about it, why we let our the rope too far...she was so depressed and isolated for quite a while that we thought it would be good for her to hang out with friends...little did we know these friends would introduce her to older druggie, homeless friends. Little did we know she would actually become friends with these people. And then she became impossible to have at home. Still - her choices. I don't feel too guilty anymore when I really look at the circumstances we were in. When we are not in the thick of it - of them ramping up - we forget how bad it was and can be again. </p><p></p><p>I wonder when she will text again to come home - a couple days - a couple weeks. I wonder if I will have anything interesting to talk about. Gradual dis-enabling - untangling. What is she going to do about the $500 fine for being in the park after hours...do I just not say anything? I guess if she gets picked up again they will take her in...I don't know. It's not my circus. But I honestly don't think she has any CLUE about stuff like this lingering on her record. She doens't care one bit but one day she will if she grows up. The sad, really really sad thing, her great grandfather who passed away last year left a LOT of money to her and her brother. My husband is in charge of the trust right now. She is not allowed to have the money til she's 30 UNLESS she's on the right path then my husband can help her financially (great grandfather's will and intent). We have not told her about the money. We do not want her to think that all she has to do is wait it out until she's 30 years old and we also don't want her friends to know. But I feel like we are hiding something from her that she should know about. I don't want her to feel like she was betrayed by us. The money is safely earning interest in a fund right now. I PRAY by the time she's 30, she will be on a decent path because I think we won't be able to keep it from her - I wouldn't want to anyway but I wouldn't want her to blow it all either.</p><p></p><p>Well, time to get off the computer. Thanks again for the support everyone. May we all find a bit of peace today, nomatter our circumstances.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strangeworld, post: 727345, member: 22313"] To all who have replied, thank you. I come to read very often but usually I am not on my computer and it's too hard and slow to respond on my phone so I don't respond often. I am deeply appreciative off all of you and your thoughts, opinions and most of all the camaraderie in this place we never wanted to be. My daughter asked to be picked up yesterday when I picked up my son gets picked up from school. I said okay. She came home, was sort of pleasant, sort of not. It was obvious she was either hung over when I picked her up or she had already been drinking although the smell of alcohol wasn't really that prominent. I feel like I have nothing to talk about anymore - with her. Part of it is that I feel drained. Part of this is because of the alcohol/drugs/secrecy of her life. Part of it is because I if I try to talk about anything of significance about her life, it turns into a one sided screaming match or a monologue on her part. I have kicked her out of the car miles away from her "hang out" before due to this. And I am very cautious now because I don't want to have that happen again. Part of it is there is a piece of me that remembers myself at 19 and when I look at her I feel my own shame. I was hardly any different other than I was doing what my parents wanted me to do (in theory)...going to college (barely), living on my own (with their financial help as long as I stayed in school). I was drinking non stop at this age and for 10 years more until I stopped completely. Thank God. Someone was looking out for me - I should probably be dead. But I wasn't "couch surfing" or park camping, or homeless. I had completed high school and had my drivers license (and a fake one so I could get into bars of course). I might have been a complete flake but I was singing in a band every weekend and was attempting college. I had confidence in myself - something my poor daughter does not have. That is the one thing I pray for - that she reclaims some of the confidence she had when she was little. Or self worth. My husband just took her back into town. She showered and cleaned up. Put some makeup on. Was up at 6 and ate breakfast. Played a lot of piano and was singing. I guess if I think about it, this is better than it was a couple years ago in some sense. Refusing to get up - refusing to eat - cutting - verbally abusive - menacing - breaking car windshields. It's really obvious, now that I think about it, why we let our the rope too far...she was so depressed and isolated for quite a while that we thought it would be good for her to hang out with friends...little did we know these friends would introduce her to older druggie, homeless friends. Little did we know she would actually become friends with these people. And then she became impossible to have at home. Still - her choices. I don't feel too guilty anymore when I really look at the circumstances we were in. When we are not in the thick of it - of them ramping up - we forget how bad it was and can be again. I wonder when she will text again to come home - a couple days - a couple weeks. I wonder if I will have anything interesting to talk about. Gradual dis-enabling - untangling. What is she going to do about the $500 fine for being in the park after hours...do I just not say anything? I guess if she gets picked up again they will take her in...I don't know. It's not my circus. But I honestly don't think she has any CLUE about stuff like this lingering on her record. She doens't care one bit but one day she will if she grows up. The sad, really really sad thing, her great grandfather who passed away last year left a LOT of money to her and her brother. My husband is in charge of the trust right now. She is not allowed to have the money til she's 30 UNLESS she's on the right path then my husband can help her financially (great grandfather's will and intent). We have not told her about the money. We do not want her to think that all she has to do is wait it out until she's 30 years old and we also don't want her friends to know. But I feel like we are hiding something from her that she should know about. I don't want her to feel like she was betrayed by us. The money is safely earning interest in a fund right now. I PRAY by the time she's 30, she will be on a decent path because I think we won't be able to keep it from her - I wouldn't want to anyway but I wouldn't want her to blow it all either. Well, time to get off the computer. Thanks again for the support everyone. May we all find a bit of peace today, nomatter our circumstances. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
A Christmas to forget
Top