12-23-07 Christmas Pass 12 Hours 7:15AM to 7:00PM Sunday
Good morning my friends!
Yes this will be a long little story, but I feel I need to write it down and look at it and get some more feedback... Thanks ahead of time for your time.
I arrive at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at 7:10 AM he and his peers had just woken up (they got to sleep inside the school building due to short staff that stay awake at each camp site, so a number of "groups" of boys slept in the same building.) I see Justin in the dark I can tell it is him he is sitting down putting on his boots outside in the fog and damp morning he looks up and sees me and has one of those huge smiles on his face you can tell is one of those smiles that just can not be helped it just happens. He gets up and waves me to come over to him, his counselor ask me if I mind walking with the group to put away the sleeping gear, sure no problem. The other 11 boys standing in a line up all reaching out to Justin giving him the fist to fist (do all teens do that?), congratulations your going home on your first home pass Justin, and I hear Hello Mr. H_____! good to see you again.... I thank them... The counselor says to Justin give me your sleeping matt and go ahead and get checked out to go home, have a great home pass.
We go into the building and sign the contract to follow home rules, get his medications for the day and go to the truck, his puppy is in the truck waiting on him. Excitement hits him and the puppy, both kissing and hugging and huge smiles on both, the counselor comes over to the truck to meet the puppy and Justin gives her details of the puppy and shares his excitement with her. She offers again good words of encouragement, enjoy your pass you deserve it!
We begin the long drive home, he ask if he can drive the truck if he sits in my lap, I allow it and of course he does great on the back road leaving the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). And then pulls over and thanks me for allowing him this. I ask on the way home if he wants to stop and eat he says no I rather go home first. We go for the drive in fairly quite truck neither one talking much but clearly a very happy environment. We arrive to the house and he allows me to go in first to cover up presents I had not had a chance to wrap yet! He walks in the house and walks around saying oh I miss home.
I give him the plans for the day, tell him we need to run eat and go to wally world to pick up something I forgot last night, he agrees and says can we stop by and wake up Grammy, I say if that is what you want sure. We arrive at Grammy's and he gets his love and we leave to go to wally world. I get what I needed, he wants to look in electronics he goes to the iPod's .. That is what I want! I know it is expensive but it is great Daddy, (he does not know I bought a MP3 last night but one made by Sony, as they were out of the Nano. Ugg I say to myself, then I show him the others, and say to him Sony is a very good brand too! He says nahh not as good as Apple, I agree and say well they are out of the Apple brand... He agrees and lets it go. I ask do you want to look at jeans and underwear now or wait till this afternoon. He say nahh I will go ahead and use what I have at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I will wait on getting new ones, but can we stop at a shoe store I do need tennis shoes for the hiking we do, my boots are just too much for daily use. I say ok.
We go to IHOP he orders this plate PHOTO (he gets eggs over easy like the photo then after he cuts the eggs open they run of course and he says oh yuk.. it is raw!!) silly kid. But he eats the whole plate up. We go to leave I leave the tip and the bus boy comes to start cleaning the table off we walk away, he says hang on I stop he goes back to the table and hands the bus boy a dollar, comes back to me and says I gave the cleaner a dollar Daddy I bet he does not get many tips! I say your right, I am sure he is thankful you did that.
We arrive back home invite grammy over to have Christmas, she arrives and I suggest he go ahead and get his shower done and brush teeth, he ask can I take a bath with BJ, I say No a bath not a good idea with her, but you can have her in shower... he says OK and does it. I remind him to brush his teeth, he says I have no toothbrush with me, I say look under sink your old electric one is in there, he says oh OK. And does it
He ask can we open presents now, I allow it, first one his MP3 player he gets it open and I say if you rather we can go to a different wally world and exchange it for the Apple brand, he says no it is OK this thing is awesome! He continues as shown here in this PHOTO thanks us both for the gifts and I ask him to sit down as one rule for a home pass is to discuss his time at Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I ask how he is and if he feels time at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was the right thing for him, he agrees and says it was right, I am able to see things now I refused to see in the past, I know what I have done to you and I just need a chance to show you I am not that way anymore. I thank him for talking and say OK, I have set up go karting for you - however keep in mind these are real go karts and it is very expensive and you will not be on one long but it should be fun, he all excited say OK. We arrive and they have a deal, two for one race I grab it and he gets ready to race... as shown in this PHOTO and this one PHOTO ... He is off to the races... Look at him go PHOTO It ends and he can not stop smiling he ask.. can I go again? I say sorry bud that was all I can do... he says OK goes over to the video arcade, ask if he can do a race, I say if that is what you want to spend your money on that is fine, he says yes, and offers to pay to have me sit next to him in the next seat and race him ... I agree even though I hate video games! As shown here!! PHOTO
In the beginning of the day, he was told we would be leaving back for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) about 3 hours early and take our time and eat out for dinner, so it is not a rush to leave and arrive on time (at suggestion of the therapist days before this). We being to drive home he says, Daddy I really would rather eat at home and leave when we need too, I can do it I know I am going back and I accept it. He suggest he wants to eat home made Tacos since he has not had them in a long time. I agree after a bit of discussion and when it is time to go then we go, he agrees. We stop at grocery store and then arrive home, I begin to wash some dishes and he comes to me and says no Daddy, let me do those for you... I say it is OK I only have a few... he says well I will do them for you... See this PHOTO
He ask if he can get on the computer to down load music I at first say, I do not want you spending time on the easy child - he says OK, a few Min's later I suggest he go ahead and look and see if he can do it but only a couple of songs as I have to stay in the same room - he says OK... well the computer is not upgraded enough and more things are needed, he says well I can do it when I come back home and puts it all away!
He sits down and wants to watch a movie.. he sets it up and is just sitting with his dog while I start to cook dinner far to early under normal circumstances. I call out to him, Justin can you come and shred the cheese, he says sure walks in and does it. I walk into the living room and suggest to him, Honey we are eating pretty early so think about what you will want to take back for the drive to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to eat as the other boys will be eating normal time so in case you get hungry you will be OK. He says OK I am sure I will be fine. I walk back into the kitchen and stir up things, hearing nothing I walk back in the the living room, his face is hid in the dog and I see he is crying, I walk over to him and say honey what is it, he simply says it is not fair... I bend down and give him a hug and a kiss and say I know life is not fair at all, and walk away so he does not see my emotion.
His grammy sees me upset, she walks into the living room and sits next to him and comforts him. We then eat and he watches Bridges to Therabifia (SP) - Like I needed to see something sad!!!
The movie ends we have 10 Min's to get on the road to be back in time, I say this and he gets up and puts his shoes on, we drop Grammy off and say good bye. He is quite for about 30 mins then ask, Daddy I have shown I can do the right thing I know what needs to be done and I feel your making me stay at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and it is a waste of time, I simply state Justin it is going Occupational Therapist (OT) be up to the treatment team, if some suggest your ready to come home then you will come home. He cry's and says I accept this I just miss you and want to come home. He is quite for another 20 Min's, I get close to town and ask if he would like to stop and get a shake at Wendy's he says NO, (he LOVES ice cream and would never turn it down) I say, Honey you know part of treatment is accepting disappointments I can tell your still upset and I would like to see you not be, I turn into Wendy's and ask once more, would you like a shake, he says well what flavors to they have? We walk in and he picks what he wants out. I tell him he only has 15 Min's to finish it due to the time he says no problem. We arrive at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) fill out the paper work and he gets checked back in. He gives a hug good bye, I ask him do you still want me to visit you on Christmas Day, he looks surprised i would ask.. and says YES
I leave feeling very good about the day, of course I knew it would be a good day after all it was just 12 hours. And after 5 months at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) it is clear this was the best thing I could have ever done for my Son. I saw a maturing young man, one that has accepted his part in his actions, one that accepts disappointments and ask myself if he has been doing this for the last two months then why the hang would I make him stay? He is right, he is not only able to say the right things but he is showing in actions for 8 weeks straight he has been able to keep it together, perfect? NO but I do not expect perfection.. he is a teenager I can deal with teenager stuff
Good morning my friends!
Yes this will be a long little story, but I feel I need to write it down and look at it and get some more feedback... Thanks ahead of time for your time.
I arrive at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at 7:10 AM he and his peers had just woken up (they got to sleep inside the school building due to short staff that stay awake at each camp site, so a number of "groups" of boys slept in the same building.) I see Justin in the dark I can tell it is him he is sitting down putting on his boots outside in the fog and damp morning he looks up and sees me and has one of those huge smiles on his face you can tell is one of those smiles that just can not be helped it just happens. He gets up and waves me to come over to him, his counselor ask me if I mind walking with the group to put away the sleeping gear, sure no problem. The other 11 boys standing in a line up all reaching out to Justin giving him the fist to fist (do all teens do that?), congratulations your going home on your first home pass Justin, and I hear Hello Mr. H_____! good to see you again.... I thank them... The counselor says to Justin give me your sleeping matt and go ahead and get checked out to go home, have a great home pass.
We go into the building and sign the contract to follow home rules, get his medications for the day and go to the truck, his puppy is in the truck waiting on him. Excitement hits him and the puppy, both kissing and hugging and huge smiles on both, the counselor comes over to the truck to meet the puppy and Justin gives her details of the puppy and shares his excitement with her. She offers again good words of encouragement, enjoy your pass you deserve it!
We begin the long drive home, he ask if he can drive the truck if he sits in my lap, I allow it and of course he does great on the back road leaving the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). And then pulls over and thanks me for allowing him this. I ask on the way home if he wants to stop and eat he says no I rather go home first. We go for the drive in fairly quite truck neither one talking much but clearly a very happy environment. We arrive to the house and he allows me to go in first to cover up presents I had not had a chance to wrap yet! He walks in the house and walks around saying oh I miss home.
I give him the plans for the day, tell him we need to run eat and go to wally world to pick up something I forgot last night, he agrees and says can we stop by and wake up Grammy, I say if that is what you want sure. We arrive at Grammy's and he gets his love and we leave to go to wally world. I get what I needed, he wants to look in electronics he goes to the iPod's .. That is what I want! I know it is expensive but it is great Daddy, (he does not know I bought a MP3 last night but one made by Sony, as they were out of the Nano. Ugg I say to myself, then I show him the others, and say to him Sony is a very good brand too! He says nahh not as good as Apple, I agree and say well they are out of the Apple brand... He agrees and lets it go. I ask do you want to look at jeans and underwear now or wait till this afternoon. He say nahh I will go ahead and use what I have at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I will wait on getting new ones, but can we stop at a shoe store I do need tennis shoes for the hiking we do, my boots are just too much for daily use. I say ok.
We go to IHOP he orders this plate PHOTO (he gets eggs over easy like the photo then after he cuts the eggs open they run of course and he says oh yuk.. it is raw!!) silly kid. But he eats the whole plate up. We go to leave I leave the tip and the bus boy comes to start cleaning the table off we walk away, he says hang on I stop he goes back to the table and hands the bus boy a dollar, comes back to me and says I gave the cleaner a dollar Daddy I bet he does not get many tips! I say your right, I am sure he is thankful you did that.
We arrive back home invite grammy over to have Christmas, she arrives and I suggest he go ahead and get his shower done and brush teeth, he ask can I take a bath with BJ, I say No a bath not a good idea with her, but you can have her in shower... he says OK and does it. I remind him to brush his teeth, he says I have no toothbrush with me, I say look under sink your old electric one is in there, he says oh OK. And does it
He ask can we open presents now, I allow it, first one his MP3 player he gets it open and I say if you rather we can go to a different wally world and exchange it for the Apple brand, he says no it is OK this thing is awesome! He continues as shown here in this PHOTO thanks us both for the gifts and I ask him to sit down as one rule for a home pass is to discuss his time at Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I ask how he is and if he feels time at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was the right thing for him, he agrees and says it was right, I am able to see things now I refused to see in the past, I know what I have done to you and I just need a chance to show you I am not that way anymore. I thank him for talking and say OK, I have set up go karting for you - however keep in mind these are real go karts and it is very expensive and you will not be on one long but it should be fun, he all excited say OK. We arrive and they have a deal, two for one race I grab it and he gets ready to race... as shown in this PHOTO and this one PHOTO ... He is off to the races... Look at him go PHOTO It ends and he can not stop smiling he ask.. can I go again? I say sorry bud that was all I can do... he says OK goes over to the video arcade, ask if he can do a race, I say if that is what you want to spend your money on that is fine, he says yes, and offers to pay to have me sit next to him in the next seat and race him ... I agree even though I hate video games! As shown here!! PHOTO
In the beginning of the day, he was told we would be leaving back for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) about 3 hours early and take our time and eat out for dinner, so it is not a rush to leave and arrive on time (at suggestion of the therapist days before this). We being to drive home he says, Daddy I really would rather eat at home and leave when we need too, I can do it I know I am going back and I accept it. He suggest he wants to eat home made Tacos since he has not had them in a long time. I agree after a bit of discussion and when it is time to go then we go, he agrees. We stop at grocery store and then arrive home, I begin to wash some dishes and he comes to me and says no Daddy, let me do those for you... I say it is OK I only have a few... he says well I will do them for you... See this PHOTO
He ask if he can get on the computer to down load music I at first say, I do not want you spending time on the easy child - he says OK, a few Min's later I suggest he go ahead and look and see if he can do it but only a couple of songs as I have to stay in the same room - he says OK... well the computer is not upgraded enough and more things are needed, he says well I can do it when I come back home and puts it all away!
He sits down and wants to watch a movie.. he sets it up and is just sitting with his dog while I start to cook dinner far to early under normal circumstances. I call out to him, Justin can you come and shred the cheese, he says sure walks in and does it. I walk into the living room and suggest to him, Honey we are eating pretty early so think about what you will want to take back for the drive to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to eat as the other boys will be eating normal time so in case you get hungry you will be OK. He says OK I am sure I will be fine. I walk back into the kitchen and stir up things, hearing nothing I walk back in the the living room, his face is hid in the dog and I see he is crying, I walk over to him and say honey what is it, he simply says it is not fair... I bend down and give him a hug and a kiss and say I know life is not fair at all, and walk away so he does not see my emotion.
His grammy sees me upset, she walks into the living room and sits next to him and comforts him. We then eat and he watches Bridges to Therabifia (SP) - Like I needed to see something sad!!!
The movie ends we have 10 Min's to get on the road to be back in time, I say this and he gets up and puts his shoes on, we drop Grammy off and say good bye. He is quite for about 30 mins then ask, Daddy I have shown I can do the right thing I know what needs to be done and I feel your making me stay at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and it is a waste of time, I simply state Justin it is going Occupational Therapist (OT) be up to the treatment team, if some suggest your ready to come home then you will come home. He cry's and says I accept this I just miss you and want to come home. He is quite for another 20 Min's, I get close to town and ask if he would like to stop and get a shake at Wendy's he says NO, (he LOVES ice cream and would never turn it down) I say, Honey you know part of treatment is accepting disappointments I can tell your still upset and I would like to see you not be, I turn into Wendy's and ask once more, would you like a shake, he says well what flavors to they have? We walk in and he picks what he wants out. I tell him he only has 15 Min's to finish it due to the time he says no problem. We arrive at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) fill out the paper work and he gets checked back in. He gives a hug good bye, I ask him do you still want me to visit you on Christmas Day, he looks surprised i would ask.. and says YES
I leave feeling very good about the day, of course I knew it would be a good day after all it was just 12 hours. And after 5 months at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) it is clear this was the best thing I could have ever done for my Son. I saw a maturing young man, one that has accepted his part in his actions, one that accepts disappointments and ask myself if he has been doing this for the last two months then why the hang would I make him stay? He is right, he is not only able to say the right things but he is showing in actions for 8 weeks straight he has been able to keep it together, perfect? NO but I do not expect perfection.. he is a teenager I can deal with teenager stuff
