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A Death in the Family
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 684648" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>That ability to work through ones feelings, type it out, read and reread, edit, then.....to post, or not to post. Who we are and how we feel, real, versus role. Cedar, this must be doubly hard because there has been no contact for so long. </p><p></p><p>I have found this to be true, not just the posting, but the responses. We have become each other's witnesses.</p><p>I am glad that you posted your work, the honesty, rawness and intensity of those feelings..........What is appropriate, or offensive when it comes to this? Or even when posting about the horrific stories of our d cs? How can one carefully measure out those intense feelings? </p><p>I know at times people may not understand, or feel offended by what is written, and then there is that absence of face to face, where words can be interpreted entirely different than what the meaning is. </p><p>Still there is no denying the undertaking and all that goes on when someone pours their heart out here. </p><p></p><p>You have been so brave to share what you are going through, and it has helped me to be here with you. Forgive me, but I do have to read and reread to keep up, you are just so darn smart, and imaginative and amazing. You are not just the romantic in your family, you are the intellect, and so much more.</p><p>I hope that I have not offended you, or anybody with my writing. </p><p>It is a very personal thing to review FOO. </p><p>Yet, so important to see ourselves through our own eyes.</p><p>I am so very thankful to have read through these threads and shared in the work. The places I have gone with this are life changing. A lot of it is because you, Copa and Insane have held my hand along the way. I am truly appreciative of that. It is also because you have posted your truth. In reading your posts, it has helped me to walk through this journey, the bravery in others posting has helped me to come forward with my story and work through those feelings that surfaced. I feel the same about the FOO forum as you do. </p><p></p><p> I did not find it offensive at all, Cedar. You are grieving on so many levels here. It is traumatic to lose a beloved sibling. So many memories welling up inside. I would expect even more so when there are memories that are not pleasant. Cedar, it is good that you are working through those feelings. I am sure your brother knew how much you loved him. It is hard when words were left unspoken about what you have discovered here in your quest in FOO, but you would have shared with him. The timing of it, so close to coming home. I am sorry. You have worked through that piece, and I am glad. </p><p></p><p> Things are so different when we have understanding, a clearer picture. Cedar, I can only imagine the many feelings racing through you. How long has it been since the last communication with your family? Now, there must have been so much said, and yet, <em>not said.</em></p><p> I was a bit distracted by that ad (that man is <em>incredibly cute,</em> by the way). You do realize that is a Polynesian team performing the haka (war chant). Forgive me for asking, in the imagery do they represent your family, your rage, or both?.....Cedar, I don't recommend wearing a kilt when you see your family.......</p><p>Your brothers passing has forced communication. It does not matter what follows, Cedar. It is your decision how to proceed. You know who you are, that is what matters. </p><p></p><p> This is so. I have thought much on this with hubs condition. It is still touch and go. So many unanswered questions, but life with its necessities must go on. I cannot be frozen with fear. Nor can you, or anyone else. There is nothing left to do but go day by day, work through the feelings, and <em>be true to ourselves.</em></p><p> Again, you have introduced us to a notable woman in history. Julian of Norwich lived in the Middle Ages, is said to be the first woman of her era to write a book. This is what I found researching about her.......</p><p>"During her early life, the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plague_(disease)" target="_blank">Black Death</a> hit the city of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norwich" target="_blank">Norwich</a> three times. It is estimated that the plague killed about a third of England's population in one single epidemic. People died so quickly and in such numbers that "the dead could not receive proper burial and in the worst of times, lay stacked in carts like so much cordwood, or in hastily dug pits on the edge of town, or simply where they fell, in the streets".<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revelations_of_Divine_Love#cite_note-4" target="_blank">[4]</a> Seeing these images may have affected Julian, who was just six years old when the plague first hit Norwich. Although she does not speak of the plague directly, her book shows a deep sensitivity to suffering and dying."</p><p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revelations_of_Divine_Love" target="_blank">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revelations_of_Divine_Love</a></p><p>Can you imagine at six years old, living through such a thing? To come out of it, dedicate oneself to God, fall deathly ill at around 30, receive epiphanies, then live to write of them. Thank you for the article about her. I know you meant to share the meaning of her vision and revelation ( I went a bit further). Humans capacity to overcome and survive is amazing. You have come through the fire of your difficult past a diamond, Cedar.</p><p>Whatever comes of this, you will be fine.</p><p></p><p>I will be uttering these words relayed to Julian "All is well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."</p><p></p><p>Another interesting tidbit I found on Julian is this</p><p></p><p>"She may also have participated in a medieval form of the <a href="http://www.umilta.net/mystics.html" target="_blank">Internet</a>, called the <a href="http://www.umilta.net/godfrien.html" target="_blank">Friends of God</a>, in which both men and women, across Europe and through time shared their contemplative texts and supported each other in that work of contemplation........"</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><em>Sound familiar?</em></span></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am struck by these images and examples you have shared, Cedar. Julian of Norwich contemplated life and faith and acceptance of what is through her experience with death, the horror of the plague she witnessed ravage her country as a young child, then faced with her own near death as a woman. She lived to write of it, and what shines through her writings is her faith and trust in God. Here, we see a little child, delivering a lamb, so confident and brave, fascinated with.....life. </p><p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255)"><span style="font-size: 15px">What is. </span></span></p><p>That is the essence.</p><p>So simple, yet so complicated.</p><p>So much said in two small words.</p><p>It is what's left over from all of the discussions here on FOO.</p><p>Not only what was, but</p><p>what is.</p><p>It is what my father strived to understand and live by in his latter years and sadly, he lamented all of the mistakes he made throughout his life upon his deathbed.</p><p>"It is what it is" was oft repeated by him.</p><p>Yet,he was a perfectionist and his imperfections bothered him greatly.</p><p>Isn't that what is?</p><p>Humans are imperfect, we all make mistakes. </p><p>The point is to learn from our mistakes.</p><p></p><p>Even with all of our searching on FOO, <em>we are still left with what is. </em></p><p></p><p>My sister, is my sister. It is the same with my family <em>as you wrote</em>, "That is my sister". </p><p>I have heard it so many times. " That's just Attila....."</p><p></p><p>And it is.</p><p></p><p>I can't change the past, or my sister, but through all of the work done here, I have a better understanding of<em> who I am. </em></p><p></p><p>I see the same for you, Cedar.</p><p>You know who you are and what is real, not role.</p><p></p><p>You are working through this loss within your family seeing with<em> your eyes.</em></p><p></p><p>It must be entirely freeing, yet confusing all at the same time. How do you react and respond now, with all of this understanding you have?</p><p></p><p>There is much to think about, yet not.</p><p>Because of what is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It will, you know.</p><p>All shall be well.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 684648, member: 19522"] That ability to work through ones feelings, type it out, read and reread, edit, then.....to post, or not to post. Who we are and how we feel, real, versus role. Cedar, this must be doubly hard because there has been no contact for so long. I have found this to be true, not just the posting, but the responses. We have become each other's witnesses. I am glad that you posted your work, the honesty, rawness and intensity of those feelings..........What is appropriate, or offensive when it comes to this? Or even when posting about the horrific stories of our d cs? How can one carefully measure out those intense feelings? I know at times people may not understand, or feel offended by what is written, and then there is that absence of face to face, where words can be interpreted entirely different than what the meaning is. Still there is no denying the undertaking and all that goes on when someone pours their heart out here. You have been so brave to share what you are going through, and it has helped me to be here with you. Forgive me, but I do have to read and reread to keep up, you are just so darn smart, and imaginative and amazing. You are not just the romantic in your family, you are the intellect, and so much more. I hope that I have not offended you, or anybody with my writing. It is a very personal thing to review FOO. Yet, so important to see ourselves through our own eyes. I am so very thankful to have read through these threads and shared in the work. The places I have gone with this are life changing. A lot of it is because you, Copa and Insane have held my hand along the way. I am truly appreciative of that.[I] [/I]It is also because you have posted your truth. In reading your posts, it has helped me to walk through this journey, the bravery in others posting has helped me to come forward with my story and work through those feelings that surfaced. I feel the same about the FOO forum as you do. I did not find it offensive at all, Cedar. You are grieving on so many levels here. It is traumatic to lose a beloved sibling. So many memories welling up inside. I would expect even more so when there are memories that are not pleasant. Cedar, it is good that you are working through those feelings. I am sure your brother knew how much you loved him. It is hard when words were left unspoken about what you have discovered here in your quest in FOO, but you would have shared with him. The timing of it, so close to coming home. I am sorry. You have worked through that piece, and I am glad. Things are so different when we have understanding, a clearer picture. Cedar, I can only imagine the many feelings racing through you. How long has it been since the last communication with your family? Now, there must have been so much said, and yet, [I]not said.[/I] I was a bit distracted by that ad (that man is [I]incredibly cute,[/I] by the way). You do realize that is a Polynesian team performing the haka (war chant). Forgive me for asking, in the imagery do they represent your family, your rage, or both?.....Cedar, I don't recommend wearing a kilt when you see your family....... Your brothers passing has forced communication. It does not matter what follows, Cedar. It is your decision how to proceed. You know who you are, that is what matters. This is so. I have thought much on this with hubs condition. It is still touch and go. So many unanswered questions, but life with its necessities must go on. I cannot be frozen with fear. Nor can you, or anyone else. There is nothing left to do but go day by day, work through the feelings, and [I]be true to ourselves.[/I] Again, you have introduced us to a notable woman in history. Julian of Norwich lived in the Middle Ages, is said to be the first woman of her era to write a book. This is what I found researching about her....... "During her early life, the [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plague_(disease)']Black Death[/URL] hit the city of [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norwich']Norwich[/URL] three times. It is estimated that the plague killed about a third of England's population in one single epidemic. People died so quickly and in such numbers that "the dead could not receive proper burial and in the worst of times, lay stacked in carts like so much cordwood, or in hastily dug pits on the edge of town, or simply where they fell, in the streets".[URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revelations_of_Divine_Love#cite_note-4'][4][/URL] Seeing these images may have affected Julian, who was just six years old when the plague first hit Norwich. Although she does not speak of the plague directly, her book shows a deep sensitivity to suffering and dying." [URL]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revelations_of_Divine_Love[/URL] Can you imagine at six years old, living through such a thing? To come out of it, dedicate oneself to God, fall deathly ill at around 30, receive epiphanies, then live to write of them. Thank you for the article about her. I know you meant to share the meaning of her vision and revelation ( I went a bit further). Humans capacity to overcome and survive is amazing. You have come through the fire of your difficult past a diamond, Cedar. Whatever comes of this, you will be fine. I will be uttering these words relayed to Julian "All is well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." Another interesting tidbit I found on Julian is this "She may also have participated in a medieval form of the [URL='http://www.umilta.net/mystics.html']Internet[/URL], called the [URL='http://www.umilta.net/godfrien.html']Friends of God[/URL], in which both men and women, across Europe and through time shared their contemplative texts and supported each other in that work of contemplation........" [SIZE=4][I]Sound familiar?[/I][/SIZE] I am struck by these images and examples you have shared, Cedar. Julian of Norwich contemplated life and faith and acceptance of what is through her experience with death, the horror of the plague she witnessed ravage her country as a young child, then faced with her own near death as a woman. She lived to write of it, and what shines through her writings is her faith and trust in God. Here, we see a little child, delivering a lamb, so confident and brave, fascinated with.....life. [COLOR=rgb(0, 0, 255)][SIZE=4]What is. [/SIZE][/COLOR] That is the essence. So simple, yet so complicated. So much said in two small words. It is what's left over from all of the discussions here on FOO. Not only what was, but what is. It is what my father strived to understand and live by in his latter years and sadly, he lamented all of the mistakes he made throughout his life upon his deathbed. "It is what it is" was oft repeated by him. Yet,he was a perfectionist and his imperfections bothered him greatly. Isn't that what is? Humans are imperfect, we all make mistakes. The point is to learn from our mistakes. Even with all of our searching on FOO, [I]we are still left with what is. [/I] My sister, is my sister. It is the same with my family [I]as you wrote[/I], "That is my sister". I have heard it so many times. " That's just Attila....." And it is. I can't change the past, or my sister, but through all of the work done here, I have a better understanding of[I] who I am. [/I] I see the same for you, Cedar. You know who you are and what is real, not role. You are working through this loss within your family seeing with[I] your eyes.[/I] It must be entirely freeing, yet confusing all at the same time. How do you react and respond now, with all of this understanding you have? There is much to think about, yet not. Because of what is. It will, you know. All shall be well. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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