A FB weirdo??? Thoughts?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I've "met" two people recently related to health concerns. Both live in my city and have some of the same health concerns. I met one for lunch, went well. I met her through the national organization. We have one health concern in common. The other, I met through FB.

    The other posted on a FB site. She lives in my city, has lupus and several other health problems I also have. It is almost creepy. We've texted and messenged on FB and have spoken on the phone. She lives about fifteen minutes away, but oddly says she is in my immediate area often, claiming to shop at this expensive little grocery store very near my house, often.

    Both my husband and closest friend said to me..."oh my goodness, having this much in common, you should meet for coffee or something." So, one day in my chat with her, I said so, something like"let's meet for coffee someday." She totally ignored that comment and never mentioned it again and neither have I. Let's call her "M"

    One day, while on the phone, she tells me she use to be a millionaire, but fell on hard times and tells me some details of how her husband's business isn't doing well and she had to stop working due to health problems and now money is a little tight. I tell her I'm sorry to hear of her troubles.

    But, then I see on FB, that she is planning a family vacation at probably THE most expensive hotels in the state...one of the most expensive probably in the country. I didn't say much, just wished her a fun trip.

    Recently, I haven't heard much from her...still in contact, but much less...quieter and shorter. So, since I'm sick in bed, I wrote her a larger than usual message recently. She tells me she is getting a certain test and I happen to ask her "who is your rheumatologist again?" I recall she said she liked him, but couldn't recall his name.

    There was a long pause. Seems awhile back, she switched from her doctor to MINE!!!!!AND, she never mentioned it. WTH???

    I'm starting to get a little creeped out by the inconsistencies and oddness....

    1. Says she is having money problems but is going to super expensive hotel for vacation (she stated this right after I said we were going on a trip soon. )
    2. Shops at super expensive little grocery in my immediate area...NOT her neighborhood
    3. We have tons of stuff in common, but obviously doesn't wish to meet me even for a simple coffee and ignores me when I suggest this..felt creepy
    4. Likes her doctor, but quietly switches to Mine...doesn't mention it...even though we've chatted briefly several times since
    5. Changes her communication pattern after number 4
    6. Doesn't tell me she switched to my doctor, until by happenstance I ask her who her doctor is (because I forgot his name)

    I'm concerned...i think she is VERY peculiar!!!!!! Nice, but strange. I think I'm going to pull back. Just doesn't feel right.

    Thoughts?????? [​IMG]
     
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member


    Go with your gut.

    The thing about the internet is you can be anything or anyone you want to be. For all you know I'm also Jabber...not actually married to anyone. I live alone in my great-aunt's basement with my 17 cats and I post all this crazy stuff about my "son" just to have people to talk to. Late at night I pose as a supermodel on risqué chat rooms too.

    Or, maybe I'm a 51 year old wife and mother of a troubled kid...just like I say I am. (I am...really!)

    The whole thing sounds like she lives near you and is kind of stalker-ish. Why would she be in your neighborhood? Why would she shop near you unless that store is something special? (I used to go to a really cool store on the other side of town, just because I really liked it. It had the best cookies....) Why would she change doctors?

    I guess my point is, if she's giving you creepy vibes...I'd back away slowly and let the "friendship" die a quiet death.
     
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  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    It does sound strange.

    If I were you, I would either take quite a lot of distance, or if she feels like helpful acquaintance to have, do some serious fact checking.

    -Google her. LinkedIn her.
    -Do the facts she has given hold water?
    -Are they plausible?
    -When she says she has done this or that, is there proof? (I mean, when people travel or have vacation and they are in Fb, they often post pictures of themselves or people with them in the place they are.)
    -Does anyone actually know her?

    I don't have chronic illness, but I for example have a friend with difficult to manage rheumatic disease. Changing doctors is major thing, when she has needed to do so, it has involved lots of research and quite a lot of anxiety. I mean, people may very well like to shop in bit odd places and maybe she wasn't available to meet when you asked and has forgotten that, but when you take both of those and changing doctor just like that, it does sound rather suspicious.

    It is of course also possible that she lied about something more innocent (told about her financial situation etc. as she hopes it would be or something like that) but total hoaxes and people with munchausen syndrome exist too.

    Lots of red flags there.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
  4. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    So right on - red flag, red flag, just screaming. Trust your gut and just UN-friend her.
     
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I am going to keep my distance, but I'm concerned that if I unfriend her she will say something nasty to the doctor about me. I'm very frightened. I see red flags all over the place NOW
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I can only tell you what I'd do and what I do with FB in general. I am careful with my privacy. Nobody can see much without being my friend and I have to know you to friend you. And by "knowing you" I am not crazy about that...I have friended people who post here, for example. But you all know more about me than most people anyway. I'm not a big fan of advertising my life to strangers who don't know me at all simply because sadly there are sick people out there.

    Now in your situation, I would probably be forthright and message her that you are a little uncomfortable with the way things are going so you wish her well, but you are downsizing your FB friend list, then defriend her. If she tells your doctor things about you, do you really think he cares or wants to know or even believes her???? That wouldn't bother me one bit. I have found, in the course of 61 years, that when I find somebody "off" so do other people and I trust others to catch the vibe. Your doctor will not talk about you to her.

    Unfortunately there are internet stalkers. Maybe change your privacy settings.
     
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  7. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Yes! Was just thinking this same thing MWM. She does have a background (or so she says) working in the same hospital as him in sort of a clerical capacity (in the past). So, this might cause him to trust her, at least at first. But, usually the true colors come out. Oddly, she is super secretive on FB. I am somewhat as well...but she, even moreso. I am officially creeped out.
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    follow your creeped out gut. Backpedal as fast as you can. Move her to a FB category where she can't see much of anything on your pages without actually unfriending.
     
  9. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    So? Does it matter what someone else says to a doctor about a person they don't even know? I wouldn't be concerned about this but I would distance myself from this person because this has all the signs of someone setting themselves up to take advantage of you.

    Ok, you posted about her possibly having a bit of credit with the doctor while I was posting this but consider this: that alone is another inconsistency. What person who is or is married to a millionaire works as clerical? For that matter, beat her to the punch and talk to the doctor and tell them whats going on. At least that way he should take what (if anything) she says with a grain of salt.
     
  10. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Sounds really odd to me. When your gut says something is off, LISTEN!!

    I would distance myself from this person.

    Good luck.
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I worked for four years as an Admitting Clerk in a hospital and the doctors didn't even know me. Clerical doesn't mix with the doctors. If she were a nurse...but clerical? IF it's even true? I think she is an adult difficult child who latched onto you and maybe the similarities she says you share aren't even true, but a sick way to ingratiate herself with you. She may even be a he. Yuk, I know.
    She can't hurt you if you don't engage her further. Consider at a big ??? and move on. If you don't want to defriend her there is a way to block her posts from your eyes so she thinks she is posting so that you can see it, but you can't. Somebody else told me that this is possible to do. I personally have no idea how to do it, but I'm sure somebody here does.
    She may not even really go to your doctor. Just let her go and move on. You tried to be nice and meet her for coffee and she wouldn't show up. That should be enough to cancel her out, in whatever way is comfortable to you.
    PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
     
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  12. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    If you click the little box on the upper left hand corner of a post you get a drop down menu that gives you the option to block all posts from that sender unless you are tagged in it.
     
  13. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Can somebody explain to me how to block her posts in such a way that I don't unfriend her but maybe she doesn't see my posts ? What are my options here on FB? Thank u

    Ok...double checking...
    So, if I want...with EACH post I make from now on....I can hit (to the left) and put "do not share with". Then put in her name "S" and so it just won't look like I've been posting anything of late???! What I could do is 99% of my posts do this and then once in a blue moon! not do it with something very minor. Maybe she will get bored.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
  14. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    You can also make a group, that has every FB friend of yours but her and make that your default posting. And then if you want to, every now and when share something with also her.

    I use those sub groups in Fb quite a lot mainly because language issues (Fb translator is not too good and some of my Fb friends do not speak all the languages I post), but also to separate work and private life.
     
  15. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Any doctor worth the title won't talk to her about you. Our Chiropractor won't even tell me if Jabber had an appointment when I go in the same day! And what's she going to say? "That Nomad is a b..ch. She said you were a quack and I shouldn't see you." He's pretty clearly going to know it isn't true when you go see him. If she says, "I know another patient of yours." He can't even confirm you are or are not under HIPPA laws.

    So....Do you see things like selfie's and vacation photos? Picture's of her grandkids? If not, I'm leaning toward she's a big old fake.

    Exactly...I see you have been given similar advice. You can change her "friendship" to "acquaintance" for instance, instead of friend...then change all of your posts so "friends" see them, but not "acquaintances". You can also hide her posts...you should be able to click on a post of hers and click "Hide all posts from S". Then you only see hers if she tags you. I did that to a friend. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but she's a very depressed and troubled person and I frankly could no longer put up with dozens of posts about depression and cutting herself and how she's so ugly and on one loves her and on and on and on - literally dozens of posts every day for months. That sounds bad, blocking her...but you can't say anything to help and she was making me crazy! I couldn't stand to read that stuff anymore. I have enough problems of my own.
     
  16. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    I was going to recommend the same thing; unceremoniously & without further discussion halt further communication; unfriend her - no phone calls - or emails
     
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm late to the party but I agree, she seems to be fluffing up her feathers to impress you or something. I wouldn't get any closer, and would change settings on FB. There are new settings now, one for "Friends except acquaintances," and another one I can't recall. Sounds like you've already worked that out.
    So sorry about all of that. Friends should make you feel good. Trust your gut and if she makes you feel creeped out, she's not worth your time.
     
  18. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Little update....I changed my settings so this person couldn't see my posts any longer.

    About a week later, she either cancelled her FB account or temporarily cancelled it. I think did some sort of temporary cancel.

    I then deleted our friendship. I can still see our messenger conversation. I re read much of it. She is seeing another doctor of mine too..changed to my doctor. But, she was NOT secretive about that instance. It felt creepy when she became secretive.

    (So, she is now seeing TWO of my doctors)

    I also noticed a slight tendency to "copy" me in other ways, but I just saw it as someone in need of advice. I was looking for advice too.

    But again, she seemed unusually needy and secretive.

    Any additional thoughts? It was a very weird experience, VERY.
     
  19. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Keep your FB security updated - block people you don't know from seeing your posts. Review "Friends" to see if this person is viewing your posts through another name. Lastly, don't accept any new "friends" for a while, as this may be the same person in disguise! It always amazing to me how few people regularly update their security/privacy preferences on FB since FB changes the rules frequently!
     
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  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm not a big FB fan at all and have pretty much not been posting much and unfriended the people who really are not my friends, but just people I know from around town. My friends are the only people who see when I post, which is mostly just around times I see my grandbaby.

    Your "friend" sounds creepy, maybe stalker-like. I would keep her out of your life, even on FB. Or especially on FB.

    When you put down a city that you live in, which most people do, use the nearest big city so that you are not easily identifiable. Make it about an hour away at least.

    Glad she's gone. Kind of creepy that she's gone now too.
     
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