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A few knotts in my neck
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751725" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>As far as the restraining order goes, as Busy recommends. As I recall, your son has been abusive but not directly threatening. I recall he's said, he wishes you would die. This is mean. And actually bizarre. I think. But it is not a direct threat.</p><p></p><p>I have another point of view. But you need to decide what feels more comfortable. You could if you wanted, give your son a chance to learn the lessons your boundaries are giving him. You wrote this: <em>"I kept waiting for them to see how "wrong" they were but truth be told I'd still be enabling if I let them."</em> So far, he is responding well to each of the boundaries you have put in place. I know that sounds wacky, given this recent call, but he's under pressure now. You are tightening the screws. And he is learning. By your reasonable boundaries you are teaching him/prompting him to curb his behaviors at the same time you shore up your own identity, self-confidence, and self-esteem. </p><p></p><p>If you had had sufficient boundaries he could not have acted out like this. You bear some of the responsibility. I am not blaming you. I am saying that one way to approach this is to tighten up your boundaries and to see what comes next. (If he has been violent towards you or has made a direct, specific threat that he will harm you, you have no choice, I think. You must get a restraining order.) But if he has not made a threat nor has he been violent, I believe you have the choice to not take such a move. Yet.</p><p></p><p>While the only important thing right now is your well-being and safety, you are also teaching your son how to have self-control and giving him the impetus to gain this. This becomes the basis for his own self-respect and his capacity to and willingness to respect others, particularly women.</p><p></p><p>It's your call. You're in the driver's seat.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751725, member: 18958"] As far as the restraining order goes, as Busy recommends. As I recall, your son has been abusive but not directly threatening. I recall he's said, he wishes you would die. This is mean. And actually bizarre. I think. But it is not a direct threat. I have another point of view. But you need to decide what feels more comfortable. You could if you wanted, give your son a chance to learn the lessons your boundaries are giving him. You wrote this: [I]"I kept waiting for them to see how "wrong" they were but truth be told I'd still be enabling if I let them."[/I] So far, he is responding well to each of the boundaries you have put in place. I know that sounds wacky, given this recent call, but he's under pressure now. You are tightening the screws. And he is learning. By your reasonable boundaries you are teaching him/prompting him to curb his behaviors at the same time you shore up your own identity, self-confidence, and self-esteem. If you had had sufficient boundaries he could not have acted out like this. You bear some of the responsibility. I am not blaming you. I am saying that one way to approach this is to tighten up your boundaries and to see what comes next. (If he has been violent towards you or has made a direct, specific threat that he will harm you, you have no choice, I think. You must get a restraining order.) But if he has not made a threat nor has he been violent, I believe you have the choice to not take such a move. Yet. While the only important thing right now is your well-being and safety, you are also teaching your son how to have self-control and giving him the impetus to gain this. This becomes the basis for his own self-respect and his capacity to and willingness to respect others, particularly women. It's your call. You're in the driver's seat. [/QUOTE]
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A few knotts in my neck
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