There are often parents here who ask, "Should I sever ties with my child?" We as a group advise them the same way we do about taking away luxuries, telling them must leave "if", etc., "Don't say it if you won't follow through." Severing ties with your child is a longer journey than taking away a cell phone. I know that for me, L severed her ties with me long before I had had enough and accepted it and allowed the strings to be cut. I can think of several parents here who are in the process, and it is indeed painful to watch: the child who has said, "You never really were my parent, I don't care if I ever hear from you again" may or may not know that the parent is anguishing over letters or texts or cards to send. That (generic) child has severed the ties while that (generic) parent has not. This is how it started with L and I, and I eventually decided to get out of the triangle. Well, in fact it's quite larger than a triangle in my case, so I was parrying emotional thrusts from all over the place and never stood a chance of happiness. It's the best parenting decision I have ever made, and I don't regret it one little bit. I am at the end of my parenting journey with her, there are indeed some messes still to clean up, but that's just because they come to mind, much like you might think, "I left the front door open!" when you're going on a trip. I packed up what few childhood things of hers I still had, including the clothing and blanket she came home from in, and sent them to her when we moved. I told her I was sorry that I didn't get to share that with her children as their grandmother, and I am, but keeping in a relationship with her would not have changed my status. They're hers to do with as she pleases even if it is to toss them. I remembered, for example, a few weeks ago that L was still a 50% beneficiary in my will, something she knows. I have changed that to reflect that she and I have severed ties. It would be silly not to. This morning, I realized that she is 100% beneficiary on my Life Insurance should husband pass. Of course I'm going to change that. You don't leave a child $1 in a will and then give them $50k from Life Insurance. I've heard from someone that you are *very* sorry for my pain, and that you hope I will find peace. I don't know if any of the rest of you feel that way, but let me assure you I am in no pain. Is it uncomfortable from time to time? Yes. Things still come up and I still have to decide what to do. What I haven't done since I made this decision is lay in bed for a week and sob and wonder why life had to be so awful. I haven't been distraught that I don't have a mother or sister or daughter to call and chat with. That's the deal I made and that's the deal I'm happy with. I have always felt and still do feel that this was a place where not only was it safe to share my journey through life with the two difficult child's (if you had not read, M and I are slowly trying to repair our relationship), but also that I had somewhat of an obligation to share the stages that so many of you have wondered about in your own lives with your difficult child's. "Should I cut all ties?" It doesn't happen in a day, you know. So, while some of you may not agree with what I have done, the truth is I really couldn't give a rip. It does bother me that I have to fight this particular battle with parents here where I feel that while I might not be understood I might at least be supported. I certainly hope that my personal issues are not being discussed on any of the splinter groups on FB or elsewhere. I shared here and trust the confidentiality of the site. I am indeed at peace with my decision and made it through an entire year without crying over every single holiday and birthday. I am in no pain, so everyone can just set that particular worry for me aside. If I am, I'll let you know in no uncertain terms. As I have said before, severing ties is not for tourists. We all know that in our particular cases it is almost always the child who severs the ties, and maybe the parent lets go, maybe they don't. But you're either going to live there or you're not, it's not a vacation. If some of you think I'm a terrible parent for it, I guess it's a good thing that I am not asking for your opinion. I post because it's a part of the ongoing PE life with a difficult child that people genuinely struggle over and they should know what they're going to run up against. Peace.