a first for us

[crazymama30]

difficult child has in school suspension. He has always had out of school suspension before. Apparently there was an incident in pusic (pe and music combined). The kids were standing in line, and difficult child went to get in line and the kid in front of him accused him of cutting him. difficult child said he didn't cut him and then got in line. One of the other boys friends came up and cut in front of difficult child, and difficult child told the kid he would not let him cut him, and the kid who cutted then pushed difficult child. difficult child said you can't cut me because you pushed me. At that point things get muddled, as they do when you have a bunch of 4th graders telling you what happened, but what is clear is that difficult child ended up pinned to the wall and was being choked so he clocked one of the kids in the face and there was blood involved. Usually I would be against him hitting, but if the teacher's cannot defend you sometimes you have to defend yourself. One of the other boys, I am unsure which one, is being suspended for 15 days, and I am unsure what is happening to the other one. Poor difficult child was scared to death when it happened, and when I was talking to him he wanted to know how long he was grounded for. I told he has to finish his current grounding(different punishment) but that he was not grounded for this incident because he had no choice. He started crying, saying I couldn't go get help I could'nt go anywhere.

I am feeling kinda funny about telling him it was ok to hit the kid. I hope it does not come back to bite me and he uses my words against me at a time when it is not appropiate, but this should not be appropiate ever but it does happen. I just did not know what else to tell him. If someone was choking me I would pop them too if there was no help available.. I am not going to tell him to just get choked.

 

[klmno]

I would tell him exactly what you just explained in your last paragraph. Actually, difficult child (7th) grade had a similar situation where a boy slammed him up against the wall by his neck. difficult child tried pushing boy off him but boy kept choking. difficult child hit him in the side. Both boys got equal trouble from school.

In that situation, I didn't tell difficult child, but I thought he handled it better than I would have. There was no additional punishment at home for that one.

 

[KTMom91]

I have always told Miss KT that as long as she didn't throw the first punch, she isn't in trouble with me. We had many incidents like this when she was in elementary school, and I've had many conferences with principals and teachers, and I made it very clear to them I was not raising a professional victim and I expected my kid to fight back if she was hit first. It has worked in her favor over the years, because she would tell kids who were threatening her that her mom said it was all right to hit back, and suddenly no one wanted to do any hitting!

 

[totoro]

Oh I am sorry you are going through this, And difficult child... Poor thing. I know violence is not good, but I agree with you.
I talk to K about "Self defense" and standing up for herself, protecting herself.
To a degree I think our children have to. Regardless of the outcome... and sometimes we as parents have to stand with them.
K used to have some boys push her into a little ditch in the playground, thinking it was funny because they made her stay there. Of course no-one noticed... I gave her my full approval to fight back, because the School wouldn't do a thing!!!
I hope he gets through this unscathed... you too.

 

[gcvmom]

He clearly felt desperate and alone... where the &%$# was the ADULT in this situation!?!?!? I'd demand an answer for that one.

And I'd reinforce with difficult child that while you don't condone violence, he ALWAYS has the right to defend himself.

And then maybe I'd sign him up for a basic self-defense course that teaches him how to get out of a situation like that (there are some moves you can learn that don't involve hitting, but using the other person's body or momentum against them so that you don't get hurt).

Hugs for you and especially difficult child!

 

[trinityroyal]

pusic (pe and music combined).

What a great class name. (Small things amuse me)

CM, I think you did the right thing in telling your difficult child that it was okay to defend himself in that situation. He clearly was scared and alone, and there was no teacher or other supervisor around to deal with it.

I've told Little easy child that when he can't get help from a teacher and words are not working, that it's okay to defend himself to prevent from getting hurt.

Like others, I wonder where the he// were the teachers during all this.

Hugs to you and to difficult child, who handled himself well.

Trinity

 

[crazymama30]

I asked where the teachers (2 classes, 2 teachers) were, and they said it happened so fast it was over before they knew. I am sure the class was chaotic, but this is elementary school not high school. The student to teacher ratio should be that someone would notice that.

trinity-- I always got a kick out of "pusic" You should have seen me the first time I heard that.

gcv mom-- I am leary because difficult child has so little impulse control and loves to show off, that could be a bad combo. He marches to the beat of his own drummer, and it won't matter if the teacher says you do not use these moves except for x,y or z. If he wants to he will, and he can cause enough damage without any knowledge. He is very small but mighty in heart and strenghth