You did not do anything wrong.
You have been targeted by a predator. I believe that, as you have become healthier yourself, she was less and less able to have whatever it was that serviced her in her relationship with you.
I am very sorry this happened to you. In the end, you will know that the best thing that could have happened has happened. She is out of your life.
You would have booted her yourself, the stronger and more centered and healthier you became.
That is why she picked now. Or whenever she picked to do what she intended to do all along.
She ended the relationship because you were, and are, getting healthier. You are developing boundaries and maybe, even an independent viewpoint. You may even have had the chutzpa to hold an opinion that varied from hers. (And mark the public humiliation, the global condemnation, the horrified withdrawal and the supposed need to self protect from your so damaging and, apparently, previously unsuspected "toxicity".)
These are classic symptoms of both gaslighting and abusive relationship.
Is this a pattern for her in other areas of her life, too? If you look for those patterns, I think you will find them.
The suddenness of the attack, and that is what she said to you was ~ an attempt solely to hurt you, to weaken you, to make you destroyed, to make you question yourself about what you did, about how you betrayed her or lost her friendship ~ the suddenness of the attack, the fact that you are clueless about how it came about, that all you know is someone you trusted said it was true, said these horrible things were true of yourself, and of your parenting, and of your children,
that is what predators do.
Abusers abuse because they are abusers.
You did nothing wrong.
You were targeted. If you sift through your relationship with this person
through your own eyes instead of those of the abuser, you will find other instances too, where something hit you wrong. And you laughed it off or let it go or forgave it.
In each of those instances, she was grooming you for what she then did to you.
You are getting stronger California, or it would not have happened.
As you heal from it, not from the loss of the friendship, but from the shock and pain and confusion of the abuse, you will see her for who she is. It will always hurt a little, I think. Your feelings for her were sincere. That's okay, California. You have done harder things than this, and done them well.
I will say it again: that is why your friend picked the time she picked to hurt you as she has. Because you were getting stronger. It might even be that people who do this kind of thing are afraid you will see through them once you are stronger. I don't know about that. I do know you are not the only one this happens to. There are predators everywhere. They target everyone. But they recognize us. They recognize those of us afraid of our anger (like me), or committed to understanding ourselves and our people we love instead of becoming angry or abusive, or however we could name ourselves, however we could describe the way we have decided to interact in the world ~ they recognize us, when they see us.
And they fasten on. And they see us in such an ugly way it would break our hearts, if we knew.
And then, one day, they spring it on us, that thing they were going to do, all along.
And it hurts, and it causes us to question ourselves because we just cannot make sense of it; we just cannot find the beginning or the end of how it all went so wrong.
That is what abusive people do.
Abusers abuse because they are abusers.
You did nothing wrong.
There is nothing you need to do except to continue caring for yourself and your children and creating your life.
I am glad you posted to us about this.
No one should have to go through something like this alone.
You are doing well; you are going to be just fine and dandy.
Cedar