A good update - second year anniversary !

[Ephchap]

With so many struggling, it's sometimes difficult to think there might be light at the end of the tunnel. I have lived through it (twice actually, as my son overcame his drugging and then with alcohol) and know how it tears us up inside watching our difficult child's self-destruct. We just want to be able to kiss away their hurt and pain and shake them until they listen and start doing the right thing. Been there.

Today is my son's second year sober anniversary! I left a card out on the counter this morning, knowing he'd read it before he left for work. I just wrote how proud I am of him and how I am truly grateful that for these past two years, I've gotten my loving son back.

I just wanted to share a happy update. Some of you have "known" my difficult child since he was much younger. Some of you don't know him at all (as he's now 27 and so for a very long while, I haven't updated much about him on this forum). I thought hearing about an addict/alcoholic who has overcome so much might help some get through even one more awful moment with their difficult child. Through it all, I never gave up on him and was always hopeful, though to be sure there were times when we had to turn our back on him, ask him to leave, sign him into a psychiatric hospital against his will, and even call the police on him to have him arrested. It's been a long, long road to be sure and, of course, it's never truly over for an addict/alcoholic.

One day at a time. But for today, I'm just elated and so very proud of my son.

Deb

 

[Sarmandak]

This is wonderful to read. With so many people struggling it is nice to read a positive post. I am so happy for you and your son!

 

[trinityroyal]

Deb, thank you for such a wonderful update. I'm so glad to hear that your son continues to do well.
As you say, one day at a time.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Thank you for that!!! Congratulations to your son!

 

[AmericanGirl]

Deb,

I am so very happy for all of you!!

Thanks for posting. It's good to see a happy outcome.

 

[Nancy]

Deb,

That is wonderful news and I am so proud of him also. It does give us hope because I remember those early days with your difficult child and what you went through, what your whole family went through. You make an excellent point, you never gave up on him but there were times you had to turn your back on him. That is so relevant to so many of us right now. It's important for us to remember that turning our backs on our difficult children when they are actively using and not in recovery is not the same as giving up on them.

The other good point you make is that an addict is an addict and it doesn't matter what your first drug of choice is, if that is not available you will go to something else. The substance abuse center difficult child was in was very clear that if you are a drug addict you must also give up alcohol, and vise versa of course. Most drug addicts were very surprised to hear that. Our druggie neighbor who was responsible for giving difficult child her first pot cigarette at the age of 14 is now a heroin addict and currently in court ordered treatment. He is about to graduate from drug court so he goes home on weekends and guess what? He drinks every weekend until he gets wasted. He may graduate from drug court but he will soon be back in jail for DUI.

Thank you for sharing your happy news with us weary souls and reminding us that there is hope out there.

I hope your difficult child is as proud of himself as we all are of him.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

Thank you for sharing that lovely story. It was just what I needed to read. Not only that your difficult child is now a easy child ... but that you are coherent and happy. Sometimes I think that even "if" difficult child is OK someday that I will never be lighthearted again. I am so glad you are proud of your son - I think that's what I miss the most. Being able to be proud instead of ashamed.

Thank you thank you thank you - I too hope the light at the end of the tunnel is the light of hope instead of a freight train someday soon.

 

[DDD]

It's been a long long road, my friend, but with family support he has gotten on the right road. I'm thrilled for him and your whole family. DDD

 

[Kathy813]

Deb, thank you for sharing that. It gives me hope for my difficult child.

~Kathy

 

[DammitJanet]

Gosh...I cant believe he is 27! Our boys really are grown up arent they? It doesnt seem its been all that long does it. Congrats to him. I do remember the really bad days well and am so proud of him.

 

[Ephchap]

Sarmandac, Patriot, Trinity, Alamba, I'm very appreciative of the kind words, ladies. I remember being in the trenches of addiction with my son and reading a positive update from a member, and it helped me continue to hope.

Nancy, yes, it sure was a dark time for our whole family, that's for sure. My son was one who beat the drug addiction and then thought it was okay for him to drink. For a while, a few beers now and then didn't seem to be a problem. As most of us have come to realize though as you mentioned, an addict is an addict. It doesn't matter if they change their drug of choice; it's still a drug. Thank you so much for your support.

Signorina, reading your words brought tears to my eyes. Yes, there was a time when I could have written them. You're right - I missed the son that I knew and raised, and did feel shame. I have to say now that I do see things very differently, and yes, I am very proud of my son. Hugs. I hope that someday you too can see a change in your son and see that light at the end of the tunnel.

Kathy and DDD, as always, thanks. You two have been there right in the trenches with me for many years.

Janet, I'm with ya. Where did the time go? It's hard to believe my difficult child is 27 for me too. You were also in the trenches with me for many years. Back in the day, we thought of sending my difficult child, your's, Susie's, DDD's, Trish's and Marcie Mac's and a few others to a desserted island all by themselves. lol. I'm glad we survived and so did our boys. Thanks for the support.

Addiction is such an all encompassing disease. It affects not only the addict/alcoholic, but everyone around them. It breaks families apart, it ruins lives, it can be deadly. We're all in this together, and all we can keep doing is nudging our difficult child's toward the right path. They do need to want the help, but a (firm) nudge doesn't hurt. lol.

Hugs to all,
Deb

 

[lovemysons]

Dearest Deb,

I am so very Proud of your son too! Addiction is onr of lifes toughest battles to overcome...and you are right, It is One Day At A Time. Sigh...even the other night I confessed to husband that "I" wanted a drink. I didn't "do it" ya know...but the urge was there. It's been a long time since I wanted one. But life has been stressful lately. Not to worry though...I am okay, It was good that I "confessed" to husband, he understands as he has been in recovery for over 20 yrs now too.

Your son gives me hope that one day BOTH of my difficult child's may be of sober mind and spirit. For now my oldest is...My daughter in law said just today that it would be "nice if both of the boys were successful in life at the same time". Time will tell for my young difficult child. by the way...Thank you SO VERY MUCH for your comforting reply to my post.

Love to you your difficult child and family,
LMS