A great week - thank you

[Blessed]

I am new here. God's grace brought me to this site and your postings have helped tremendously this week after years of anquish for my difficult child, husband, son and myself. Short history:

Super easy infant! Started daycare at 6 months.

Around 1 - things changed. hitting, biting, kicking started inspite of showing her it hurt us/others. Noticed very bright. Indignant if I tried to show her how to do anything. Would scream I DO!!!!! Very demanding. No tolerance for a slip up by mom or dad. Music and water play helps at times. Needs to have doors closed, things a certain way but not like the character in rain man. Does alot of pulling on the nap of the blanket (even when sleeping).

Around 3 - present - along with biting, hitting and kicking, which suddenly stopped around 4 but then the sexual curiosity started. Was expelled from two daycares. Both daycares were aware of the problem but would allow difficult child to play alone with other children which unsupervised children are against state regulations. Speaking of the state, the last daycare called the state on us for sexual abuse (initially very humiliating but God allowed it and used it for good). The state's interview with difficult child showed no abuse so it's an open/shut case. I asked for a psycological evaluation, which I am on the waiting list. Started art/play therapist in August while I wait for exam. difficult child also has sensory issues. She needs alot of stimulation. At restraurants if she starts acting up, I allow her to sit behind me and I lean on her. She loves it and I get to eat my meal Takes things very literally. I was able to get her an evaluation with the township and they put her in a integrated preschool. She did so well they removed her IEP. She stared Kindergarten last week. So far so good but she usually has a honeymoon period.

I have tried many things per your suggestions in the forum including reading the Explosive Child (Easy Child). I have had a great week because of your ideas/honest sharing/etc: ) I tried the negotiation (Plan B) from Easy Child last night and it worked well. I let go of rules. After being so in tune with difficult child her first year I was broken hearted I couldn't find the connection until now. Over the years I have learned things here and there that have brought us closer but not like through this forum. My way was not working. I am so grateful I am not alone! MY difficult child even seems to sense I am getting "it". Thank you ALL : )

 

[SRL]

Hi Blessed. Welcome to our forum and welcome out of lurkdom!

I'm sorry for the difficulties you have had with your child, as well as with the authorities.

Is your daughter getting occupational therapy for the sensory issues? You might want to pick up a book called The Out of Sync Child so you'll get a good handle on dealing with those.

Also, I'd mention that if you have insurance, you might want to talk to your pediatrician to see if a private evaluation on top of the school/county would be advised for her.

 

[Blessed]

Thank you for welcoming me to the forum. I've read ALOT of your posts and they have been extremely helpful. We have had even more good days with difficult child since initial post. Kindergarten is going well also. She just seems calmer. The whole house seems calmer. I am not saying she hasn't had any melt downs but once I use plan b, she calms down quick. It's like she didn't know how to stop the explosion before and she couldn't get out of it without losing her dignity. It also helps I am am calm and not in the reacting and feeding the frenzy.

We have a psycological evaluation with the state scheduled for Monday with me and husband. I guess they start with us to gather background and then I assume they will meet with difficult child.

I love the term "difficult child". It reminds me to look at this problem with love and compassion not anger.

I will keep you posted as to the outcome of the evaluation. I am nervous and excited about it. It is so hard to hear something is wrong with your child. I like to think she lacks in certain areas like any other kids. It helps me to think like that when I feel guilt/shame.