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A Hard Day. There is such comfort in posting. I don't even have a question, really.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 590223" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Barbara, I am so very sorry. Sometimes with our kids, it's a nightmare you can't wake up from and right now, today, you got stuck in her nightmare. I understand shocky and the utter despair you can feel when you are on the sidelines watching your child self destruct. She may or may not avail herself to the shelter, the resources, I hope she does, but sometimes, sigh, they don't. Whatever demons run them, we are not able to understand or reach inside and make a difference.</p><p></p><p>My belief and the support I always give to parents is to get yourself MEGA support. Find a therapist, a group, a church, a program,........ the NAMI family to family classes will help a lot, I'm glad you are going to that. In the meantime, find a way to keep your focus on you as much as humanly possible. I'm telling you this from my experience with a daughter much like yours, who is not okay, makes horrific choices and is always in unsafe environments with unsafe people................if you don't find a way to get yourself to a place of solace in this chaos, you will go crazy, you will have high degrees of stress, sleepless nights, physical issues due to all the stress, your life will essentially be a nightmare.............we cannot watch our kids lives go down the tubes and stay healthy without a village of help (in my opinion) </p><p></p><p>Here's what I did...........acupuncture, a year long codependency class, a private therapist, 12 step codependency groups, this site, increased my exercise, cleaned up my diet, got plenty of sleep, set up massages and facials on a continuing basis, started meditating, practiced deep breathing, did yoga, read every book I could on parents of challenging kids, enabling, codependency, etc. had lunch dates with other mothers going through what I am going through, contacted NAMI and went to groups, cried buckets of tears when I had to, tried to laugh as much as I could, black humor sometimes, but it was still humor. Wrote long emails to my good friends mapping out all my fears and feelings................with the little time I had left, I lived in my daughter's chaos and died a thousand deaths................BUT, just today I saw my therapist, I see her once a month now and my daughter's life has hardly changed, but I have changed immensely, my therapist calls it 'recovery' and the absolute knowledge, deep down inside of me, that I have no control over anyone else's life or choices and that I cannot prevent whatever may happen. I've learned to live here in this place of uncertainty without controlling it. It was hard won, it was, as you once said so eloquently, <em>a personal devastation like no other.</em>.......and if you get the help, if you learn the tools of detachment, if you accept what you cannot change, if you let go of control.............<em>.you can find peace</em>. Not an easy task, I understand, but it can be done. Otherwise, every time your daughter makes a horrid choice, you will go down that rabbit hole with her. What good will that do? How will that help her? I meditate and send my daughter love, surround her with light, with love and let go. I pray for her and give her over to God. That is ALL I can do. </p><p></p><p>God bless you Barbara, I hope whatever higher power you connect with brings you grace and calms your spirit.............I wish you peace and I send you the most gentle of hugs and with all my heart, I want you to know this, <em>I've lived where you now are and</em> <em>now I don't......</em>.......<em>focus on YOU.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 590223, member: 13542"] Barbara, I am so very sorry. Sometimes with our kids, it's a nightmare you can't wake up from and right now, today, you got stuck in her nightmare. I understand shocky and the utter despair you can feel when you are on the sidelines watching your child self destruct. She may or may not avail herself to the shelter, the resources, I hope she does, but sometimes, sigh, they don't. Whatever demons run them, we are not able to understand or reach inside and make a difference. My belief and the support I always give to parents is to get yourself MEGA support. Find a therapist, a group, a church, a program,........ the NAMI family to family classes will help a lot, I'm glad you are going to that. In the meantime, find a way to keep your focus on you as much as humanly possible. I'm telling you this from my experience with a daughter much like yours, who is not okay, makes horrific choices and is always in unsafe environments with unsafe people................if you don't find a way to get yourself to a place of solace in this chaos, you will go crazy, you will have high degrees of stress, sleepless nights, physical issues due to all the stress, your life will essentially be a nightmare.............we cannot watch our kids lives go down the tubes and stay healthy without a village of help (in my opinion) Here's what I did...........acupuncture, a year long codependency class, a private therapist, 12 step codependency groups, this site, increased my exercise, cleaned up my diet, got plenty of sleep, set up massages and facials on a continuing basis, started meditating, practiced deep breathing, did yoga, read every book I could on parents of challenging kids, enabling, codependency, etc. had lunch dates with other mothers going through what I am going through, contacted NAMI and went to groups, cried buckets of tears when I had to, tried to laugh as much as I could, black humor sometimes, but it was still humor. Wrote long emails to my good friends mapping out all my fears and feelings................with the little time I had left, I lived in my daughter's chaos and died a thousand deaths................BUT, just today I saw my therapist, I see her once a month now and my daughter's life has hardly changed, but I have changed immensely, my therapist calls it 'recovery' and the absolute knowledge, deep down inside of me, that I have no control over anyone else's life or choices and that I cannot prevent whatever may happen. I've learned to live here in this place of uncertainty without controlling it. It was hard won, it was, as you once said so eloquently, [I]a personal devastation like no other.[/I].......and if you get the help, if you learn the tools of detachment, if you accept what you cannot change, if you let go of control.............[I].you can find peace[/I]. Not an easy task, I understand, but it can be done. Otherwise, every time your daughter makes a horrid choice, you will go down that rabbit hole with her. What good will that do? How will that help her? I meditate and send my daughter love, surround her with light, with love and let go. I pray for her and give her over to God. That is ALL I can do. God bless you Barbara, I hope whatever higher power you connect with brings you grace and calms your spirit.............I wish you peace and I send you the most gentle of hugs and with all my heart, I want you to know this, [I]I've lived where you now are and[/I] [I]now I don't......[/I].......[I]focus on YOU.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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A Hard Day. There is such comfort in posting. I don't even have a question, really.
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