A Horrible Way to Live

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by STRESSEDTOMAX, Mar 7, 2012.



    I haven't been on here for a while. Whenever I make my way back, though, just seeing that people are living through the same struggles that I am, does help tremendously. Unfortunately, it doesn't change the reality of the situation most of the time. I've been dealing with difficult child and his issues for 9 years now and I find that every day I'm envying my friend's with "normal" lives more and more and resenting the life I am living. Last week, difficult child was suspended yet AGAIN, this time for making several physical threats about shooting people in school. Of course we all know how seriously THAT particular threat is, and rightfully so. I don't believe he meant it...he said he didn't...but like his therapist has said to me, without seeing him doing it with his own eyes, he can't be sure whether he was in some kind of psychotic state or not at the time. I'm waiting since Friday for a call back from the principal to talk to her about this.

    difficult child has ACUTE ODD. Nowadays, he reacts to EVERYTHING that is said/done to him or that he PERCEIVES is being said/done to him, which is just about everything. If you have the slightest "tone" he gets crazy. There is just about no peace in our house until he falls asleep, which, thankfully, is usually between 8 and 8:30. The one last outlet we had - so we could very occasionally go out to dinner or something - was my older daughter's house but now there are problems there as well.

    I feel so much guilt about difficult child. He is only ten and now weighs 150 lb. I know the medications have a lot to do with this but obviously, stopping them is not an option. I worry about his future constantly. I suffer from depression and sometimes I struggle just to do the things I need to do. Not in a good space right now. Hard to see hope for the future.
  2. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Hang in you are not a lone. Some ideas are:

    - Take time to relax yourself. I know sometimes you just can't get away. But then spend 10 minutes hiding in the bathroom with a cup of hot chocolate or sitting on the stairs with something to read. Little brief relaxing times can make it better.

    - Find someone that you can express the struggles to be it this board, a friend, family member, church leader, or therapist. Don't let it build up in side. Out therapist was able to provide instructions on how to manage different issues. She helped a lot.

    - Don't let the rest of the world get judgmental. If it was the parents fault then all you would need to do is get some training and then the problem would be solved. It is not that simple, because it is out of your control, so don't except blame for it.

    - We all know the feeling of wishing for the "normal" child life. Could I just have one week? We are with you.

    - If you need to just cry.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I have felt the same way on many occasions. I get resentful of difficult child for what he has done to our family unit. It's not what I thought our family would be like when husband and I chose to have kids. No one ever says when they hold their baby for the first time, "Oh, I can't wait for him to grow up and suffer from mental illness."

    Do you work outside the house? If not, I would strongly suggest that you take time out during the day, while he's at school, to do something for YOU. Be it read a book, work on a hobby, go for a walk to clear your head. You need to be able to have a few minutes that are all about you and not all about your son.

    And don't let the "perfect parents" get to you. They have no idea what it's like to raise square peg kids in a round hole world.

    What medications is he taking? Maybe what he's on is not he right medication for him. My son has done really well in risperdal, but we've had to take him off of two ssri medications because they just made him beastly. Aggressive, quick tempered, violent. It was not a good scene. Talk to the psychiatrist and see if the thinks that a medication change might be in order.


    I hadn't worked in like 10 years until this past September when we opened a small high-end thrift store nearby. It HAS been very good for me, except when my husband is in NY and I have to leave to get Tommy from school or try and find someone to watch him. That list continues to dwindle. I am going to call psychiatrist tomorrow and talk to her. Like I said, I am VERY concerned about the weight gain and from what I've researched, it's probably the Depakote that's causing it. WheN I look at pictures from a year or two ago, it makes me so sad to see the physical changes. He put on shorts yesterday and I couldn't believe how big his calves were...they have to change something.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    No real words of wisdom right now, but glad you came back when you needed to.
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I think you should talk to difficult child's psychiatrist about either a medication adjustment or a medication change. He might benefit from this behaviorally as well as physically. If his ODD is over the top, it is probably a sign that the medications aren't working properly. Is it possible that he is beginning to display signs of puberty? Some of difficult child 1's worst behaviors occured when he was 10 - 11 years old.

    Try not to feel guilty. You did not chose this life for your son. You are doing the best you can to help him. Guilt can consume you if you let it. Don't let it! Find time to nurture yourself. It isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. When you begin to feel better about yourself, it'll be easier to handle the day to day "garbage" that your difficult child dishes out.

    I've been there done that and I know it's miserable place to be. Thinking of you today, hoping that it helps just to know we understand... Many hugs... SFR