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A horrifically bad night-extremely long
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 237776" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sounds like a terrible night. I have found that the Aspies in my life have a tendency to want to tell others what they are thinking. It drives me batty, personally. Esp when I am told that I hate someone or am thinking about something terrible. I knowh ow hard it is to hear your child say all those hurtful things to and about you. Sending lots of sympathy and support to help you through this.</p><p></p><p>difficult child may not have an Aspie diagnosis, but he surely does act like the Aspies I have known. What they consider lies that you have said, such as not carrying through with promises, and then their outright blatant lies are two totally separate issues that have nothing to do with each other. Your lies are unforgiveable and will be remembered forever, and theirs donot matter and should be ignored/forgiven/forgotten with-o them saying or doing anything. (My bro still harbors ill feelings for things I did as a child, and even my father holds a grudge for decades when something was done or said to him, but the things he has said that were HORRIBLE have no meaning after they leave his mouth.)</p><p></p><p>I still don't know how to address this issue, but I hope you can figure a way to do it.</p><p></p><p>I know you said the playstation was gone, and said it with good reason. But what will you use as a "carrot" if you don't have this? It is something to think about, because with-o that "carrot" to motivate them, our difficult children can be impossible to get even basic hygeine done.</p><p></p><p>One book that was recommended to us at the last time Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital was "The Everything Asperger's Book". I didn't buy it, but did spend an afternoon at the bookstore reading it. You might find some helpful ideas in it. It also may explain some of how difficult child is thinking to you, esp the toddler urinating on things behavior.</p><p></p><p>I hope that the note can help you through this. I am glad he was able to put things into words in such a moving way. </p><p></p><p>I also think YOU and husband need therapy, and difficult child needs therapy to specifically address the Asperger's issues. Even if husband won't go, YOU need to go, and go regularly. As Mom, you are the one ALL the blame will fall on, all the responsibility will fall to, and no matter what your husband does, difficult child will think husband only does whatever it is because you told him to.</p><p></p><p>This isn't the therapist or psychiatrist blaming you. It is how your difficult child rationalizes things. Nothing is his fault, it is all because something you did, or maybe, just maybe, something easy child did. MANY parents of asperger's kids say that the aspie boys blame EVERYTHING on the females in their lives. I have NO idea how my son decided that my husband was powerless, that I controlled everything and that all females were evil and to blame for everything wrong with everything. I have seen this in so very many Asperger's guys. </p><p></p><p>It is something Mom needs therapy to handle. It is hard to be blamed for everything. You need to develop some coping skills for that. You also need to develop some coping skills to help you teach difficult child not to blame others or rationalize or justify his behavior.</p><p></p><p>That is one thing the first psychiatric hospital taught us. NO justifications or rationalizations were to be allowed. The minute Wiz said, "yeah, I did X but everyone else did to" or "I did Z because mom didn't let me watch tv" we stopped him cold and asked "Are you justifying or blaming?" And he had to go do a chore each time. It REALLY helped us teach him to take the responsibility for his actions. I think it is one of the most effective things we ever did.</p><p></p><p>I am glad your headache went away, and that you got some decent sleep. You and husband need to work on a way for husband to truly get up to check on difficult child if he says he will. maybe an alarm clock he can set - separate from the one to get up in the morning. One to get him up in the night if he falls asleep. Or even a timer that he can set for an hour? Some way to help you to know he really WILL follow through. It is super important for difficult child to know that husband will follow through.</p><p></p><p>Sending lots of hugs,</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 237776, member: 1233"] Sounds like a terrible night. I have found that the Aspies in my life have a tendency to want to tell others what they are thinking. It drives me batty, personally. Esp when I am told that I hate someone or am thinking about something terrible. I knowh ow hard it is to hear your child say all those hurtful things to and about you. Sending lots of sympathy and support to help you through this. difficult child may not have an Aspie diagnosis, but he surely does act like the Aspies I have known. What they consider lies that you have said, such as not carrying through with promises, and then their outright blatant lies are two totally separate issues that have nothing to do with each other. Your lies are unforgiveable and will be remembered forever, and theirs donot matter and should be ignored/forgiven/forgotten with-o them saying or doing anything. (My bro still harbors ill feelings for things I did as a child, and even my father holds a grudge for decades when something was done or said to him, but the things he has said that were HORRIBLE have no meaning after they leave his mouth.) I still don't know how to address this issue, but I hope you can figure a way to do it. I know you said the playstation was gone, and said it with good reason. But what will you use as a "carrot" if you don't have this? It is something to think about, because with-o that "carrot" to motivate them, our difficult children can be impossible to get even basic hygeine done. One book that was recommended to us at the last time Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital was "The Everything Asperger's Book". I didn't buy it, but did spend an afternoon at the bookstore reading it. You might find some helpful ideas in it. It also may explain some of how difficult child is thinking to you, esp the toddler urinating on things behavior. I hope that the note can help you through this. I am glad he was able to put things into words in such a moving way. I also think YOU and husband need therapy, and difficult child needs therapy to specifically address the Asperger's issues. Even if husband won't go, YOU need to go, and go regularly. As Mom, you are the one ALL the blame will fall on, all the responsibility will fall to, and no matter what your husband does, difficult child will think husband only does whatever it is because you told him to. This isn't the therapist or psychiatrist blaming you. It is how your difficult child rationalizes things. Nothing is his fault, it is all because something you did, or maybe, just maybe, something easy child did. MANY parents of asperger's kids say that the aspie boys blame EVERYTHING on the females in their lives. I have NO idea how my son decided that my husband was powerless, that I controlled everything and that all females were evil and to blame for everything wrong with everything. I have seen this in so very many Asperger's guys. It is something Mom needs therapy to handle. It is hard to be blamed for everything. You need to develop some coping skills for that. You also need to develop some coping skills to help you teach difficult child not to blame others or rationalize or justify his behavior. That is one thing the first psychiatric hospital taught us. NO justifications or rationalizations were to be allowed. The minute Wiz said, "yeah, I did X but everyone else did to" or "I did Z because mom didn't let me watch tv" we stopped him cold and asked "Are you justifying or blaming?" And he had to go do a chore each time. It REALLY helped us teach him to take the responsibility for his actions. I think it is one of the most effective things we ever did. I am glad your headache went away, and that you got some decent sleep. You and husband need to work on a way for husband to truly get up to check on difficult child if he says he will. maybe an alarm clock he can set - separate from the one to get up in the morning. One to get him up in the night if he falls asleep. Or even a timer that he can set for an hour? Some way to help you to know he really WILL follow through. It is super important for difficult child to know that husband will follow through. Sending lots of hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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