Thanks so much TeDo, for calling and caring. I am really ok just got so exhausted. I kept thinking that if I just checked in here I'd feel better overall because I could let some of the stress out but then when I opened the computer, if Q saw it he would shut it or press the keys. When he was gone I felt the need to get stuff done to try and make this a home for him, hoping he'd feel more comfortable. He started having nightmares and sleep walking more. One week we had a ton of Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) staff schedule changes and went six days with no one and that is when he got very aggressive with me. When he pushed me into my closet I got in the car and he followed, I let him know we were on our way to the hospital because I told him if he hurt me he had to go. He fell apart. I had actually given him his medications early because I saw how agitated he was and they kicked in so he was calm at the hospital but they had seen him before so waited him out. About three hours later he said I had to take him to Subway or he would get me. I left the room and he followed (they have a large "behavior center" with a patient waiting room, recliners, tv's and headphones and little interview rooms all around that, he was in a little room at the time) and they had to come and make him go into the room. The doctor came back and talked to us both and he started mouthing words to me and finally the doctor said do you want a shot or a pill?? He chose the pill extra dose of zyprexa. A couple of hours later he was ready to go home. It had been a few days of extra aggression and I was at the end. He luckily gets really bored there and there was a kid who was super out of control and instead of it kicking Q off he got scared and doesn't want to go there so lately the thereat of that is working. He has been better with the exception of a little bit last night (more boundary issues not hurting, like hugging from behind and not letting go kind of things).
He is sleeping in his bed now, not the floor or closet so that is an improvement. Oh, and most of hte summer activities happened to end at that week too so another change. He is still doing the dog therapy, not sure I told you they had said that he could stay in that one thing at his therapy center, and a week from tomorrow they will do a "performance" and that was the night he fell apart, when he found out. He said he is too shy and scared etc. But then said he wanted a bunch of our family to come not me, so I said no....we all come or none. I had already been through the I'll be proud of you if you say nothing (it is therapy so they have questions to answer as well as tasks with the dogs...self esteem builder kind of things)...so we will see. I think if it was the only thing going on it would be fine but.... His weekly activity at the autism center is over and they LOVED him. He did really well, especially on the activities with the kids. Isn't it amazing how the very things the school said he can't do he does so well when with a program that is fully being run with autism supports? He even saw one of the group mates at his eeg therapy building (cities away from each other) and they both greeted each other like little adults. It was so great. Nice to have things going on that show me how he can do. He still has the one doctor who brings up group homes, thinks it should be sooner than later but no other docs or psychs think so, and I am not at that point though it is clearly on my mind and I do ask questions and search out options in case we need it quickly. I'm not blind to the fact it could happen but the idea may sound great, the options are not. Just nothing for autism plus his kind of issues. Upping Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) seems to be the ticket for now and the next plan I think I will cut my hours in half and apply them to Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) and see if I can go to work. It will depend on if they can find consistent staff and if school keeps going so well.
Anyone else totally ready for school to start? Last year I would have said no but this year.... it can't come soon enough. Our moving further means he will leave earlier and come home later so I have more chance to find a job, all other things going okay. (and with the car **** I need it, the "new" car stopped working under 24 hours but they kept their promise and came and got it and fixed it. It was just so frustrating.
The house is coming along. I got very sore, especially my hands. I forget sometimes I have an autoimmune disease because I typically am so well pain wise. That is why I slept when I could...forced myself to get well. I know many of you can relate to not being able to take time to be sick and when it hits....it is just too much. And what I am going through is nothing compared to what many of you face, I just didn't want it to get to that place, been there done that and never do I want it again. I am a little better today and typing just feels stiff, not sore.
It feels so awkward typing and sharing when I feel like I haven't done my part. I'm so sorry for that. I know you will all say you understand, but I really do miss you all.
Ok, not that I have the right to ask, but I think the biggest pressure lately I have held onto is that Q has to go to the psychiatric appointed by the court for his rule 20 incompetency evaluation. She called to make the appointment with me and was interesting. She told me to make sure he was cooperative that day. I said, well there is really nothing I can do...sometimes he does great at evaluations and other times he struggles. She said well lets make sure that he does well that day. She clearly had no idea what is going on with him. I asked if she was going to do any standardized evaluations and she said no she thinks she already has enough that way. She told me to bring what she did not get from the court. She said she is going to talk to him about court things to see what he understands about the court. That is scary because he could panic. I said, well he knows things to say from TV but as with most things has no clue how that plays out in real life. I have an Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker who can come with us that morning. I am hoping he doesn't do anything to set her off. They told the law advocate we have that even if he didn't have the disability they were thinking of saying he just needed to do a few hours of community service. I asked the law advocate how he would do that if in school he needs two staff to help him do his paper shredding job? I did check with the organization he rides horses with...he mostly has been "working" and not riding lately anyway and they love what he is doing, even helping with little kids (shows how much he imitates, he is acting like the positive role models around him.... I try to tell people this is how it is but I'm just mom) ...anyway they said he could do it all with them. I'd be fine from his perspective to have to do it, I think it is good for him to know it is never ok to hurt someone but in my heart it feels so unfair that in his mind he was defending himself and this jerk is getting away with no legal punishment yet. He is obviously in trouble at work and we are filing a complaint against his license. I could still press charges but was told to wait till after Q's thing was done because it would look like we were just being vindictive as he did. I still think it would not be good for Q to have to go through that so he is just going to have to be judged by God.
So the interview is Thurs morning. I dont have much right to ask this these days, but would appreciate any well wishes for him.
Thanks so much guys. I will try to catch up. I'm missing this huge part of my life.
