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A letter to my son in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 665172" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Nat, thanks for sharing what is going on with you and your son.</p><p></p><p>My son was in jail some 8 or 9 different times over the past five years. Some for longer periods of time, and some for shorter periods of time.</p><p></p><p>The first few times, I wrote long letters to him, very similar to what you wrote. I was thinking, okay, he's in there, maybe he'll get shaken up a bit by being in jail, and become more reflective, and realize a lot of things and he won't be able to get drugs in there, so it's time for me to tell him exactly what I am thinking and feeling.</p><p></p><p>To me, there are two purposes to write such a letter: to get it off my chest without interruption and to hope and pray my words make a difference.</p><p></p><p>I think the first purpose was realized for me, and it was a relief to...just say it. Say it clearly and say it without him interrupting me and throwing a lot of stuff in there and me getting all confused, which is what would happen when I would try to talk to him.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea if the second purpose was ever even a little bit achieved. </p><p></p><p>I always told my son I loved him in the letters, after I said my piece.</p><p></p><p>Often, he would write back, arguing with me about some little or big point that I made. How I got it wrong, and didn't know the facts, and how he didn't "do anything" just a victim of somebody else, the police, the jail, his friends, whatever. </p><p></p><p>All of that would fill me with despair, and show me that nothing really had changed in him. But it was still communication and I wanted to communicate with him, even if I didn't like what he said.</p><p></p><p>So, if you want to write a letter, do it. You'll need to be prepared for the fallout and backlash, but I believe there is healing in writing exactly what we want to say without interruption, editing ourselves, changing a paragraph or two, letting it sit for a few days, then changing it some more, and then...just sending it.</p><p></p><p>I always felt relieved and felt like I had done something. </p><p></p><p>One thing I did learn over time: He was going to get it...when he got it...and not one minute before.</p><p>And I was going to have very little to do with him getting it.</p><p></p><p>We're here for you. We can only offer ideas and thoughts and comfort, and then you have some things to think about before you decide what you want to do. It's always your decision, and we respect that.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 665172, member: 17542"] Nat, thanks for sharing what is going on with you and your son. My son was in jail some 8 or 9 different times over the past five years. Some for longer periods of time, and some for shorter periods of time. The first few times, I wrote long letters to him, very similar to what you wrote. I was thinking, okay, he's in there, maybe he'll get shaken up a bit by being in jail, and become more reflective, and realize a lot of things and he won't be able to get drugs in there, so it's time for me to tell him exactly what I am thinking and feeling. To me, there are two purposes to write such a letter: to get it off my chest without interruption and to hope and pray my words make a difference. I think the first purpose was realized for me, and it was a relief to...just say it. Say it clearly and say it without him interrupting me and throwing a lot of stuff in there and me getting all confused, which is what would happen when I would try to talk to him. I have no idea if the second purpose was ever even a little bit achieved. I always told my son I loved him in the letters, after I said my piece. Often, he would write back, arguing with me about some little or big point that I made. How I got it wrong, and didn't know the facts, and how he didn't "do anything" just a victim of somebody else, the police, the jail, his friends, whatever. All of that would fill me with despair, and show me that nothing really had changed in him. But it was still communication and I wanted to communicate with him, even if I didn't like what he said. So, if you want to write a letter, do it. You'll need to be prepared for the fallout and backlash, but I believe there is healing in writing exactly what we want to say without interruption, editing ourselves, changing a paragraph or two, letting it sit for a few days, then changing it some more, and then...just sending it. I always felt relieved and felt like I had done something. One thing I did learn over time: He was going to get it...when he got it...and not one minute before. And I was going to have very little to do with him getting it. We're here for you. We can only offer ideas and thoughts and comfort, and then you have some things to think about before you decide what you want to do. It's always your decision, and we respect that. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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