A Little difficult child Weirdness

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, May 16, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ok. You all know about K's husband.........so won't go on about him at the moment.

    BUT K.......I'm wondering what is going on with this girl? We all have MySpace accounts, easy to stay in touch, view pics, ect. K has changed her statis from married to single several times. Currently......and for the past couple of months it is on single. She has had 2 guys not her husband commenting on her page........and it gives the very strong impression something is/or has gone on between them. Currently there is a new guy. Now normally K deletes these comments rather fast. The only reason I know of their existance is I'm up late and see them before she has a chance to delete them.

    Sooooooooo, curiosity causes me to click on the new guy's link. Another looser type nut case. Ok. So I look at his comments. 90 percent of them are from K and uh yeah, they couldn't get anymore suggestive.:ashamed:

    I haven't said a word to her. She's almost 30, she knows it's wrong. With her husband.......I might not even blame her for looking elsewhere.....but it still is wrong.

    And she's been more distant of late. I don't get many emails and the ones I do get have little content. She supposedly lost her medicaid because they sent the renewal paperwork to the old address. (why didn't she do a change of address with the post office or leave a forwarding address at the other motel?) Her husband is still not working, no mention of him even looking. Did get a huge hint in one for shoes for Alex, he supposedly wore a hole in the bottom of the new ones I just sent at xmas. I get hints for lots of things that I ignore or offer other avenues for her to get what she needs.

    We've been back in contact for what? About 9 months now?

    Still no HUD. I don't think they're even looking or trying. It does not take that long to fine low income housing. And I got to thinking. If they are getting welfare, aren't they getting their rent paid? (someone from MO will have to answer this one, but usually welfare covers rent, even in motels) There are no utilities, no cable, no trash, no phone bills to pay. Foodstamps takes care of food. And while I know first hand that a welfare check is not huge by any means.......they shouldn't be as broke as she's always claiming to be, not with nothing to pay for other than rent, most especially if welfare is covering even a portion of that.

    And another thing that is bothering me. Ok. You've got this serious terminal condition. You've got little kids to care for and raise. Aren't you going to do everything possible to make certain that you have your medicaid and get to the doctor to treat this condition? Well. No. She doesn't. She told me she was being referred to a neuro more than 3 months ago and still hasn't made the appointment, even though I told her a fam doctor cannot treat what she has. Now I'm sorry, but if I'm attempting to care for 3 kids and I'm in as much pain as she claims to be in......I am going to get my arse to the doctor and get treated.

    I dunno. All of this is so hard to judge at such a distance. But I get this nagging lil thought in the back of my brain that maybe we were contacted in hopes of bringing them back here or helping them with money and gifts. Not nice I know. But there it is.:faint: Much of what happened here when she was living here were misunderstandings, but the fact that she manipulated people to get what she wanted wasn't.

    Sigh. Seems like in so many ways she's making it all harder than it has to be. If she doesn't want to be with her husband, just leave the jerk already. Lord knows her life can only go up at this point.

    I dunno. I'm watching my hand rather closely.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa...I was afraid of this.

    Now, I will answer some things. I dont know how MO works with welfare but I know how NC works so maybe MO is the same. Welfare doesnt cover rent. You can apply for low income housing but there is a real backlog unless you are homeless. Now I dont know what staying in a motel would be considered. Maybe that would be considered homeless. Also...does husband have any criminal record? If so or if K has one, even a small one, that could be a hold up. Here if you have a criminal record they make you wait so long...like a year or so for misdemeanors and I dont know how long for felonies...and if it is drug offenses I dont know if you can even get in. Beats the hell out of me how they have anyone in these low income housing projects because most people with low income are also in court constantly...lol.

    Now why she would let medicaid drop is just idiotic. With her getting welfare for her and the kids, medicaid should be automatically attached. What she should be getting is TANF. TANF and Food Stamps. But that is interesting because of husband being in the household. Welfare would be breathing down their necks for husband to be getting training or something to get a job. Actually for both of them to find work. These days there is a 5 year max on TANF. Unless both parents are disabled and or a few more reasons but those dont apply here. (you could get TANF for the kids) No one is going to deem her husband disabled. Maybe her but he could work and they would count his income and that 5 years would come in.

    It gets more complicated and I could go into more detail if you want me to. Most probably what has happened is that she hit a deadline and lost TANF, moved over to just medicaid and food stamps. They have no money coming in.
  3. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Lisa, you expect too much from a difficult child in her 30's LOL

    If they havent gotten their act halfway together by now, the chances are not good for doing so any time soon, if ever (using my own as a point of reference :) You can tell when their life and/or relationships are running well, and when their life may be starting to tank, just by the behaviors you see emerging, conversations that previously had a lot of normal sharing of information becomes vague and ambigious, that sort of thing. And then you start thinking "why aren't they doing "whatever" it is, and it becomes unsettling, and one starts to "read into" things, and it can and will make you crazy thinking about it.

    The boys and I are not considered family anymore by the eldest, and thats because there is nothing we can "do" for her. Jamie has seen his neice one time, Danny has never seen her, they haven't seen their nephews in over two years. She has only been in our house once in all that time,and thats only because she had a tooth pulled and needed a ride. I have only see the kids three times so far this year, two were because she needed a babysitter, once for Nate's birthday last month at his favorite buffet. Other than those kind of occasions, contact is non existant. No holiday get togethers, no invites to the kids birthday parties - well, there was one invite last year at Wyatts, and then we got disinvited with the story the pool party was cancelled. She has a My Space as well, Wyatts picture is on there with his cake, and a ton of pictures that are under the heading of Family - we are no where to be seen. I just don't even look at that anymore.

    So at the end of the day Lisa, my advice is NOT to make yourself crazy and sad, do what you can for the grandkids, and be on guard so you are not taken advantage of.

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Five years, huh? Ohio has a two year limit, except for food stamps and medicaid. And K came awfully close to using it all up last time she was here.

    Neither have a criminal record that I can find. And believe me, I've looked. lol So really, there isn't much reason for them not to get HUD unless they're not bothering to even look/sign up. Here, you go directly to the HUD apartments and file an application. (NIchole just did this) I dunno how it works there though.

    Odd.......but here a criminal record doesn't appear to make a difference with the HUD stuff.......at least I know of plenty of people living in HUD housing/apartments who have/had run ins with the law. And I agree with it being sort of a odd policy when so many low income people....the ones who need this....have that tendency. lol


    I agree.

    They just strike me as lazy, pure and simple. (is that mean?) I hear alot of whining and see not alot of action to make the situation any better. And I'm sure she looks at her sibs lives and is probably more than a tad jealous. The girls post all the fun stuff they do with the kids onto their MySpace pages with pics.

    Sigh. I guess she hasn't *grown up* quite as much as I'd hoped. I see improvement over what I saw here, but not in some of the areas it really counts.

    Thank goodness this time I went in with eyes wide open and with rules (for myself) firmly in place. After all those years of absence, honestly I am just happy to know they're safe and get to have some sort of relationship with the grands and K. Unless she does some more maturing.....guess I'll have to stay on my guard with her. Stinks, but that's the way it is.

  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!


    Like you said, she's almost 30. Nothing you can do really.

    I'm sorry you have this worry, though. Would be nice if you could believe what is said.

  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Lisa, it sounds like the honeymoon with your reunion is over. It's hard to maintain a facade and the truth that she really hasn't changed very much is now coming to the surface. I'm sorry; it has to be disappointing.

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa...the 2 year thing is 2 years at a time with a 5 year federal max. Thats why I said it got more complicated...lol. I can remember starting the clock and then having to put that stupid clock on hold for certain situations then restarting it...ugh. I was working when the whole welfare reform came into effect.

    See...this whole thing is "old knowledge" for me so I can spout if completely...lol. I know all the regs and can probably even remember where in the manuals to find the info...lmao. This was my life for almost ten years.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet......don'tcha love old knowledge? Helps us remember we really are smart. :D I guess we should be glad we didn't loose that too.

    With their work patterns.....or rather his work patterns.....I'd imagine they've used quite a bit of those funds. Although I don't know for sure how much. I know she used nearly all the 2 yrs here. Probably more there on and off. Maybe she's reaching the fed 5 yr limit?
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If she is smart...or can scam well...she wont let on that daddy is in the home. That way she can get her 5 years put on hold because of her medical condition if she cant manage to get disability. If that doesnt work out well...or if she can get on SSI...well...its another ballgame.

    Is she actually married to this guy?
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    She says she married him. I don't know if she really did or not. I've only got her word to go by.

    She's pretty good at scamming for all her appearance of innocense. She had the welfare workers here jumping thru hoops to *help* her......one to the point of buying toys and clothing for the kids. She was playing everyone against each other and making out like a bandit in the process. Once I caught on.....I relayed it to everyone else and the carp hit the fan.

    She had told the babysitter that we refused to help her, so babysitter was buying clothes ect for the kids, and told 2 or 3 welfare workers the same, and I know at least one of them had gone out and bought a ton of clothes and toys, and had us buying the same (thank God it was yard sale stuff). Plus she had the welfare gals putting her on every program known to man.......she got a car the state paid for, the state paid for her driving lessons, state paid for her GED, state paid for her college (until they figured out she wasn't going), state paid the sitter..........All this and she was getting WIC, welfare benefits and all sorts of free gifts from a wide variety of charities in the area.

    So, yeah. She's pretty darn good at scamming.

    I've been wondering if she really married him because I know that would make it harder for her to get benefits.