A Little Help Would Be Nice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Feb 15, 2015.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    It's 8:45 on a cold, cloudy Sunday morning. Both of the kids are up. I'm up and showered. My husband is saying that he will get up "soon." I'm downstairs in the the den and I hear Difficult Child in Easy Child's bedroom, bothering him. I hear Easy Child saying things like, "Put that down! I just want to be alone right now. Don't touch that!" I go upstairs and say to Difficult Child, "Does Easy Child want you in his room?" He immediately runs out of the room and says, "He just told me to get out. If he tells me to get out, I leave," and he walked into his room and slammed the door. I walk into my room where my husband, still lying in bed, looks at me says that he was listening to the them. My reply was, "You were listening, but didn't say anything."

    Does anyone else have this problem? Husband just will not pull his head out of the sand and get involved. Husband is pretty much the only authority figure that Difficult Child will listen to, and he need him to get involved and be a parent
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First off sending some gentle hugs your way. I know that would infuriate me!
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Then he tells me, "I'm taking Difficult Child for a hair cut after lunch. What more do you want?" I just had to walk away because if I answered that question truthfully we would wind up divorced!!
  4. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Im so sorry Bunny,hope he starts to help more. Hugs.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    The kids are on mid-winter recess this week. The place Easy Child usually goes for sports camp during the school breaks is only running it for three days (M-Tu-W) and only for half days (9-12). I guess it's better than nothing, but it's going to be a long week with the two of them home. I suggested to Difficult Child that he call some friends to hang out. Go to a movie. DO SOMETHING. He says he doesn't want to leave the house.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Then can you get easy child to call some friends to hang out with? somehow keep the two separated for more hours per day?
  7. Nikimoto

    Nikimoto Pursuit of peace

    I am sorry one kid gets rough with the other. To me, it sounds like boundaries are disrespected by the rough kid, so easy kid is going to start harboring resentment some day. I was in easy kid's shoes, with no support from my folks, good you are looking out for him/her. As far as your spouse being unsupportive, I am truly sorry to hear that. Soapbox alert, but he has to do his job as your partner/backup, and do his job as parent to both these kids. They don't just raise themselves, and it's not just your job.
    I've got a very vivid 6 year old who gets rough with her 3 year old brother at times, but I use teachable moments whenever possible. I remind her that nobody twice her age and twice her size is over here picking on her. I give her some room to think, sometimes in time out.
    Hugs mama.
  8. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    My H doesn't intervene, either, until it gets physical. My 15 and 18 year olds hate each other and always have. It's 18's problem, he never got over not being the youngest, even though he's the 4th kid and he is verbally abusive to babyboy. 18 is verbally gifted, he could be a standup comedian, but he turns his wit into teasing babyboy. Babyboy has a great sense of humor but he's not as quick on the draw as 18. It recently got so bad that 18's FRIENDS called him out on it and H grounded 18 from going out to dinner with the friends. The other kids left, then difficult child (who was home from college and often mediates) called and said they were coming back to get babyboy to take him out for dinner instead of 18. Things improved a little after that, but still.

    We used to tell 18 to wait for the day that babyboy would be bigger than him, but I don't think that day will be coming. 18 is built like Refrigerator Perry and babyboy is 5'7" and 140 lbs.

    I feel for you with a H that is essentially passive and doesn't take charge because I have one of those, as well.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Don't discount that YET. Mine started growing about that age... and hasn't stopped yet (slowed down, thank goodness... he's a giant now)
  10. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Insane -

    I'm 5'1" and H is 5'11", so it's hard to say. 18 is about 5'11" and he's by far the tallest child. He's always been the biggest, he weighed 7 lbs, 5 oz at birth and was the biggest of the 5. I used to call him Baby Huey after the cartoon and for awhile, he resembled a puppy, with giant feet that it had to grow into. Oldest boy is 5'7" and difficult child Is about 5'6. daughter is a relative giantess at 5'3". 18 also has H's big boned build and babyboy has my more delicate frame. If they did sports, 18 would be a football player and babyboy would run track.
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Svengandhi, I used to say the same thing about Difficult Child. He was like a puppy that had to grow into its paws because Difficult child has such big hands and feet. He seems to have finally grown into them because his feet have stayed at the same size for awhile now.

    Anyway, I get very resentful about it, and he just doesn't get it. He can't understand why I feel the way intel about this. He grew up in a you where the mom did everything that had to do with the kids. His dad worked. He can't understand why I need help that his father nev had to give his mother. Ummmm, maybe it's because your mother never had to deal with a violent, aggressive, mentally ill teenager?

    On the upside, it snowed again last night and husband has a headache. Since the roads aren't plowed he's decided to stay home from work, so at least I'm not home alone the kids (we're in mid-winter recess this week). Sometimes just having husband home, even if he doesn't get involved, keeps Difficult Child on better behavior.