A little ticked...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Aug 15, 2013.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    As I mentioned before, we sent M a $100 money order for his birthday. He should have received it by Monday at the latest as I mailed it on Thursday. We haven't heard a word.
     
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband finally called M tonight. M said he was grateful for the money and apologized for not calling to thank us. He did get the job working on the loading docks parking cars, and says he likes it.

    Fingers crossed that he is settling down...
     
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I always wonder how it often escapes from our difficult children, even the ones who tend to be good manipulators, how far few 'thank you's and 'I'm sorry's could get them.
     
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Suzir, when we had such troubles with M when he was younger, and he was facing homelessness and telling the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) people huge whoppers about his life at home, we told him that he would have to apologize for lies that he was caught red-handed at that very moment before we considered bringing him home. He said - and it wasn't the first time - "I will never in my life apologize to anyone for anything. I have my reasons for doing what I do and I'm never wrong." Well, that was the last time he told us that, because we never bothered to ask for another one. He didn't come home, either.

    I'm just appalled at how rare it is for someone to just say "I'm sorry." None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes and do stupid/mean/careless things sometimes. It isn't going to kill anyone to say "I was wrong. I'm sorry." without adding a caveat.
     
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    That justification garbage burns me up. I've caught myself doing it, too. I forget what it was, last time I caught myself, but I looked at Jett and said... "You know what, it doesn't matter WHY, I screwed up and I am sorry." And I felt better. Amazing how good it feels to JUST SAY SORRY. I wish it was less rare...
     
  6. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I have for some time waited impatiently when first Hollywood actor/actress or other celebrity actually apologies to themselves when they have done something wrong. They are very close already. They apologise everyone and their mother, especially their mother, (but not always an actual wronged party) they tell how they have let themselves down and how their behaviour doesn't represent who they are etc. I'm waiting to someone actually addressing the apology to themselves. Many times they have already actually forgot to apologise those wronged.

    I have to say, that I would be rather insulted if I got that kind of an apology. And if my kids ever needs to make a public apology I certainly hope they say sorry to the person(s) their wronged and not me.

    And yeah, I think kids hear those celebrity apologies and pay attention to them, and actual 'I'm sorry' don't feel like a way to do it to them any more.
     
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I remember a long time ago reading a book on trust and it said if someone hurts you and they do not offer a sincere apology, you can bet that they will do that very same behavior again. It was a real eye opener for me because at the time I was young and thought you were 'supposed' to give folks another chance.

    No one should step over a line, but we're human and we do, but once we do we need to apologize, if we don't then trust has been severely impacted. And, as soon as you offer an 'explanation' or after the apology a 'but' or offer any other justifications, in my opinion it nullifies the apology completely. Saying I'm sorry is absolutely imperative in any intimate relationships for exactly the reason witz mentioned, we ALL make mistakes.............but sincerely apologizing is the first step to regain trust. And, let's face it, we all know when an apology is sincere, you can feel that.
     
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