A little update on me and difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by busywend, Sep 10, 2007.

  1. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to update everyone in case I really needed you all soon!!! LOL!

    difficult child expressed she does not like the constant switching of houses. Currently we do 2 days with me, 2 days with dad, then me on the weekend - then 2 days with dad, 2 days with me and with dad on the weekend. It nicely splits the time in half and allows difficult child to get the break she tends to need from all the adults in her life.

    I have told difficult child she seems to get more frustrated after 3 days with any household. But, she wanted a change.

    My difficult child was with me for 2 weeks as a trial. She kept expressing not wanting to be at her dad's house. So we tried it with her with me for 2 weeks.

    It was good! She is definately still a miserable person at times. She can be snippy and mouthy - but for the most part stops when I express my desire for her not to speak to me that way. Does not mean it stops for good, just for the moment - which is way ahead of a few years ago.
    Last night we reviewed the 2 week trial with Dex and Stepmom. Stepmom and difficult child were having major problems. They got it all out in the open. I was so proud of my difficult child. And I could see the relief on her face when Stepmom told her how much she loves her. I think my difficult child (as she does often, even with me) was doubting the love by stepmom. She needs the reminder/confirmation more than most.

    Now we are trying another new idea.
    She goes to Dad's today for an entire week. Then a full week with me and so on.
    I secretly cried alot last night. I do not want her away from me for that long. I know it sounds silly - but it is not the way I would like this to go. But, I am trying it for her sake.

    She just seemed so relieved to have come up with a solution - and honestly I think since we gave her the power to figure out what to try, she was thrilled!
    I did express that it was too long to be away from either one of her parents - she rolled her eyes with a giggle and told me I was being ridiculous (in a joking way). She gave me a big hug and a kiss this AM. I never get that. I guess that is a positive already!!

    Wish me luck!!!

    :warrior: :smile:
  2. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    It's hard to make non-traditional parenting decisions. Cetainly nothing about the norm that many of our members contend with on an regualr basis. I'd cry, too. Hugs

    I do believe it helps some of our kids to help with solutions.

    This sounds promising. Fingers crossed for you.
  3. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    This does sound promising and I think its great that you let her be part of the solution!

    I'd be crying too! Enjoy your break because it will be your full week all too soon! (((hugs)))
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Well, hard as it is for you (and problem for dad to be away from her for a whole week - or even 2!) it is awesome that you all worked with her to find a solution.

    She is a blessed young lady to have a mom, a dad, and a stepmom who will all sit down together with her to talk something through. So many of my family/friends end up not talking iwth the ex at all. It is so much better the way you all do it.

    Hugs for your mommy heart!!

  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Glad to hear she was part of the solution. Being apart is never easy. Even when that is what we desire.

  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I appreciate the update, Wendy. This has to be so hard for you; but the fact that difficult child helped come up with a solution is heartening for me. You have a right to be proud of your young lady.

    Thanks for letting know the latest & greatest. :thumbsup:
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I know that making home in two houses has to be hard for any kid. Add that kid being a difficult child, even a slight one, and I would imagine it's even tougher for them. Most of our difficult children need the structure, it's comforting, even if they don't admit it :hammer:

    My sister and her ex do the week on, week off thing beginning on Fridays after school. It is tough on the kids, but both parents want them. Fortunately they live within a mile from each other so running by and getting something they forgot is no big deal.

    Since bonehead and I are more nontraditional in our physical arrangement, the kids are with me all the time, I couldn't imagine it any other way. Not to mention, they don't want to live with dad and didn't really relish the "every third weekend" arrangement he and I agreed to (but has yet to be realized since bonehead cannot conceive having children around for, gosh forbid, two nights :surprise: "What will I do with them?")

    I wish your difficult child good luck in this new arrangement. That she was able to express herself and find a solution is way big for her. She has definately come a long way in the four years (I think it's been that long) that you've been here. You are a great mom.

  8. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Wend, sounds like she is making progress. Most teens seem to need to be told they are loved. A week at a time is probably a good compromise and a chance for her to have some control.
    It's also something that you can use as incentive for correct behavior or choices.
    I'm sorry you feel so bad. Parenting difficult child's is a full contact sport. Knocks the wind right out of you.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Wendy, I'm exhausted just reading your note!
    I feel for you.
    And your difficult child.
    I know exactly how you feel about putting up with-your difficult child's mouthiness, and then missing her when she's gone. Makes no sense, but love never does. :)
    Wish I had some advice.
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How awesome that all of the adults in your difficult child's life were able to put her needs above their own.

    She is a lucky girl.

  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree she is one lucky girl. I know it will be hard. It sounds like she is making great progress! Hugs :flower:
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone! I was better last night. Although she would have been with dad last night & tonight anyway. We will see how Weds - Sun go. Yikes! It sounds so long!!

    Breathe Wend, breathe.....

    Your support is appreciated!!!

  13. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I think you and DEX deserve a pat on the back for working together to do what is right for your child. Way to go Mom and Dad.
  14. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    you are such a good and loving mom. maybe these longer breaks will make her secretly cry for you as well.
  15. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you and difficult child have a really good relationship. Wonderful that she was given the "power" to help make some decisions/solutions.