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A little worried about easy child (20dd)
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 163712" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Jo, </p><p> </p><p>I think in a situation like your daughter is facing, for a parent who had strong suspicions of what would happen - it's more like an "oh I knew it" moment. </p><p> </p><p>At her age and with her talent you just want to pick her up and say "GO FOR THE CAREER" and don't worry about the on again off again boyfriend. She sounds like a perfectionist and my have hung on to the boyfriend because while she thinks she is in love with him - she actually needs to hang on to him until she feels she's worked this whole relationship fiasco out to her satisfaction. Not a reason to have a relationship - but you are going to face a brick wall I believe; if you tell her anything. </p><p></p><p>In her mind - she has got to figure a way to let this go. If she's even 1/2 heartedly suggested counseling for her and boyfriend I would capitalize on THAT aspect - telling her that if she's determined to work this out - perhaps SHE should go on ahead and speak with a counselor without him for a time - so she can lay the foundation (so to speak). And maybe if you can encourage her to go - a good therapist will open her eyes to the fact that she can not continue to try to make everything in her life work - and some things she needs to know how to allow to go. It's not easy for a perfectionist. </p><p> </p><p>If he has "friends" on facebook - IMVHO I'd say he's looking. If she were his everything - he wouldn't need them. But I'm from a really long line of bad relationships that does not believe in "sharing" in the manner to which I think he is. Friends are friends - but When he says he doesn't like her long face? My mature woman comment would have been - "You know what I dont' either so I'm going to go find myself. If it ends up that you are part of me being happy - you stay. If it ends up being you are what is making my face long? You go." - Anyone for counseling or do you want to sit here and sulk? </p><p> </p><p>But see - I'm older - and I know I can't fix everything now and I know it's OKAY to make mistakes or not spell every word correctly or make myself crazy trying to look perfect or go to school, work and balance a life. Somewhere along the line your daughter has to find those answers for herself. </p><p> </p><p>At this point I think I'd just 1/2 heartedly suggest if she wants to keep this relationship - maybe counseling IS a way to have it all. </p><p> </p><p>She sounds very driven - that's good and bad in a person. If she can find her balance - she may decide this relationship is not worth her career. </p><p> </p><p>I'm glad you get to puppy sit Gramma! They are so much fun. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 163712, member: 4964"] Jo, I think in a situation like your daughter is facing, for a parent who had strong suspicions of what would happen - it's more like an "oh I knew it" moment. At her age and with her talent you just want to pick her up and say "GO FOR THE CAREER" and don't worry about the on again off again boyfriend. She sounds like a perfectionist and my have hung on to the boyfriend because while she thinks she is in love with him - she actually needs to hang on to him until she feels she's worked this whole relationship fiasco out to her satisfaction. Not a reason to have a relationship - but you are going to face a brick wall I believe; if you tell her anything. In her mind - she has got to figure a way to let this go. If she's even 1/2 heartedly suggested counseling for her and boyfriend I would capitalize on THAT aspect - telling her that if she's determined to work this out - perhaps SHE should go on ahead and speak with a counselor without him for a time - so she can lay the foundation (so to speak). And maybe if you can encourage her to go - a good therapist will open her eyes to the fact that she can not continue to try to make everything in her life work - and some things she needs to know how to allow to go. It's not easy for a perfectionist. If he has "friends" on facebook - IMVHO I'd say he's looking. If she were his everything - he wouldn't need them. But I'm from a really long line of bad relationships that does not believe in "sharing" in the manner to which I think he is. Friends are friends - but When he says he doesn't like her long face? My mature woman comment would have been - "You know what I dont' either so I'm going to go find myself. If it ends up that you are part of me being happy - you stay. If it ends up being you are what is making my face long? You go." - Anyone for counseling or do you want to sit here and sulk? But see - I'm older - and I know I can't fix everything now and I know it's OKAY to make mistakes or not spell every word correctly or make myself crazy trying to look perfect or go to school, work and balance a life. Somewhere along the line your daughter has to find those answers for herself. At this point I think I'd just 1/2 heartedly suggest if she wants to keep this relationship - maybe counseling IS a way to have it all. She sounds very driven - that's good and bad in a person. If she can find her balance - she may decide this relationship is not worth her career. I'm glad you get to puppy sit Gramma! They are so much fun. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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