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A Mama's Heart Ache
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 688216" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm so sorry for your hurting heart. I DO think it would help you if you keep reminding yourself that she was your baby 20 years ago, but that she is in the young woman category now and her choices are not that of the cute little baby. She won't be in your arms again...not that way.</p><p></p><p>I think you should give her space until this relationship collapses. She doesn't seem to be too good at long term relationships. Also remember that while she may be easily influenced by people, she has the final say when she makes decisions. She has the same choice any adult has...she can reject what her partners tell her to do.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like she will be back. Have patience. Maybe remember she is an adult and don't smother her. It sounds like she probably has emotional problems, but you can't fix them. She has to recognize it and get help herself.</p><p></p><p>I have two daughters and, in my heart, they will always be my precious babies...I get it. But we have to give them roots to grow and wings to fly in my opinion. They have to be treated as adults and we need to expect them to treat us with respect, or some adult children will not. They need us to be strong for them AND maybe more importantly...for us. Nobody respects a doormat;this from an ex doormat. Adult kids don't really want doormat parents either. They will lose respect if we let them treat us like dirt.</p><p></p><p>I feel bad for your situation. in my opinion don't beg or grovel or act grateful when she comes back. Restraint. Calm kindness. Expectations that the old behaviors will not be tolerance. I wouldn't TALK about that, but if she gets disrespectful I would show her, with maturity, that you are unwilling to text her or talk to her if she is abusive. "Why not talk when we can have a mutually respectful discussion? I'm going to give you time to cool off now. Love you and later." (Hang up)</p><p></p><p>Any drugs in this picture?</p><p></p><p>Hon...this is NOT your fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 688216, member: 1550"] I'm so sorry for your hurting heart. I DO think it would help you if you keep reminding yourself that she was your baby 20 years ago, but that she is in the young woman category now and her choices are not that of the cute little baby. She won't be in your arms again...not that way. I think you should give her space until this relationship collapses. She doesn't seem to be too good at long term relationships. Also remember that while she may be easily influenced by people, she has the final say when she makes decisions. She has the same choice any adult has...she can reject what her partners tell her to do. It sounds like she will be back. Have patience. Maybe remember she is an adult and don't smother her. It sounds like she probably has emotional problems, but you can't fix them. She has to recognize it and get help herself. I have two daughters and, in my heart, they will always be my precious babies...I get it. But we have to give them roots to grow and wings to fly in my opinion. They have to be treated as adults and we need to expect them to treat us with respect, or some adult children will not. They need us to be strong for them AND maybe more importantly...for us. Nobody respects a doormat;this from an ex doormat. Adult kids don't really want doormat parents either. They will lose respect if we let them treat us like dirt. I feel bad for your situation. in my opinion don't beg or grovel or act grateful when she comes back. Restraint. Calm kindness. Expectations that the old behaviors will not be tolerance. I wouldn't TALK about that, but if she gets disrespectful I would show her, with maturity, that you are unwilling to text her or talk to her if she is abusive. "Why not talk when we can have a mutually respectful discussion? I'm going to give you time to cool off now. Love you and later." (Hang up) Any drugs in this picture? Hon...this is NOT your fault. [/QUOTE]
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