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A Mothers Guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="Terryforvols" data-source="post: 625298" data-attributes="member: 2127"><p>Gosh, you guys are just so wise!!! I realized my guilt is so many emotions wrapped together...I feel shame, the abnormal guilt related to perfectionism, and rage. </p><p></p><p>Now rage...when I see difficult children friends on FB, including those she did some drugs with, and they made it through college, have jobs, married, etc., it absolutely runs all over me on certain days! Why not difficult child? Also, seeing mother/daughters having fun together...why not me!! When I become reasonable again, I also thank God she is alive. That got brought home hard to me on 11/01/13 when our 17 yo nephew was killed in a car accident. We are close to brother in law and sister in law, DHs younger bro and wife. Why him??? He was a great kid, swim team, band, looking at colleges, no drugs/alcohol. He made a 17 yo driving mistake in his NEIGHBORHOOD!! Why him when difficult child has made choices that could have and should have killed her!! Those ?? will not be answered on this earth. I need to look at this rage and anger at others and "why me/why not me" as Gods plan that I dont know. Its not guilt, I guess.</p><p></p><p>I also had that perfect mom issue. I so wanted to be Donna Reed. Really, when I was growing up, I was irritated to no end that my mom didnt clean in high heels, pearls, and a dress. I cld smack myself now for that!! : ) I did want to provide my kids with that TV perfect life. I didnt do that, no one can, but it makes me so happy that both easy child and difficult child remember some of the special things I did for them, working as a room mother, field trips, etc. Its THAT I should focus on, not constantly the bad! Easier said than done some days. </p><p></p><p>And the remark that I am no more responsible for the failures than the sucesses. easy child has his Ph.D. I do not consider myself responsible for that, HE did it. Then why am I responsible for difficult children failures?? Bc our children arent supposed to fail, and when they do big time, someone always makes a comment abt parenting and moms take that personally! Not many people say what great parents he must have had to accomplish that..no, its how smart, how hard HE worked, etc. I need to work on my thinking.</p><p></p><p>Thanks so much for the wisdom!! I get something every day!! Now off to bed. Want to get to work early tomorrow, by 6:00-6:30. LOL, LOL. The brain is willing, the body..not so much!!!</p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Terryforvols, post: 625298, member: 2127"] Gosh, you guys are just so wise!!! I realized my guilt is so many emotions wrapped together...I feel shame, the abnormal guilt related to perfectionism, and rage. Now rage...when I see difficult children friends on FB, including those she did some drugs with, and they made it through college, have jobs, married, etc., it absolutely runs all over me on certain days! Why not difficult child? Also, seeing mother/daughters having fun together...why not me!! When I become reasonable again, I also thank God she is alive. That got brought home hard to me on 11/01/13 when our 17 yo nephew was killed in a car accident. We are close to brother in law and sister in law, DHs younger bro and wife. Why him??? He was a great kid, swim team, band, looking at colleges, no drugs/alcohol. He made a 17 yo driving mistake in his NEIGHBORHOOD!! Why him when difficult child has made choices that could have and should have killed her!! Those ?? will not be answered on this earth. I need to look at this rage and anger at others and "why me/why not me" as Gods plan that I dont know. Its not guilt, I guess. I also had that perfect mom issue. I so wanted to be Donna Reed. Really, when I was growing up, I was irritated to no end that my mom didnt clean in high heels, pearls, and a dress. I cld smack myself now for that!! : ) I did want to provide my kids with that TV perfect life. I didnt do that, no one can, but it makes me so happy that both easy child and difficult child remember some of the special things I did for them, working as a room mother, field trips, etc. Its THAT I should focus on, not constantly the bad! Easier said than done some days. And the remark that I am no more responsible for the failures than the sucesses. easy child has his Ph.D. I do not consider myself responsible for that, HE did it. Then why am I responsible for difficult children failures?? Bc our children arent supposed to fail, and when they do big time, someone always makes a comment abt parenting and moms take that personally! Not many people say what great parents he must have had to accomplish that..no, its how smart, how hard HE worked, etc. I need to work on my thinking. Thanks so much for the wisdom!! I get something every day!! Now off to bed. Want to get to work early tomorrow, by 6:00-6:30. LOL, LOL. The brain is willing, the body..not so much!!! Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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