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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 131934" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>SLSH, </p><p></p><p>I think this is the waiting game that we were warned about. It's where you and I and everyone else with a severely messed up difficult child child has got to look at that child and say one of two things: </p><p></p><p>1.) You are 18, you have no education, you have no job, no skills, you have made very poor choices for yourself and I as your parent can no longer continue to help you. Your choices have affected us to the point where I now question my own sanity - so you are on your own. Goodbye. </p><p>-child leaves </p><p>-child bounces around from friend to friend mooching for a while</p><p>-child hits rock bottom and hits a lot of walls to the point he changes</p><p>-parent has mixed emotions about child leaving</p><p>-parent has no idea where child's next meal is coming from </p><p>-parent either adjusts to life without child and lives, or worries over child to the point it destroys their life. </p><p></p><p>If it is the latter - (parent worries over child to the point it's destroying them) we usually bail them out of whatever, pray that they'll be so overcome with our generosity and love that it changes them, but it doesn't really and we repeat the same day over and over but now instead of difficult child being the only one in knots everyone is upset and in knots - but NOT worrying about where the child is to the point it destroys their lives - they're asking to be destroyed one day at a time over A BUNCH of things. </p><p></p><p>OR</p><p></p><p>Parent loves their child, but admits they did everything they could then adjusts to life without the child, lives their lives and believes it is really too bad about the choices their kids make - but realizes they have a life, and their child has to live theirs and suffer whatever consequences comes their way. </p><p></p><p>I so very badly want to be in that last category. </p><p></p><p>Sending thank you home on the weekends doesn't sound so bad - but why? If this is an attempt to continue to let thank you know his family is supporting him and loves him couldn't that be done with weekly visits at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or a day trip? </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure that putting the rest of the kids in the house in a panic state is the right thing to do. (Laugh if you want) but our dogs are like children and there have been times when we thought about what Dude being home for a weekend would do to them. That's just sad. </p><p></p><p>I know after so many Residential Treatment Center (RTC) deals - that if thank you is not compliant in your home - you will take him back. Not much of a plan B but at this point I know it is the only one you have. </p><p></p><p>I guess all I can tell you is to love thank you while he's home - take lots of pictures, and plan outings that everyone can enjoy to some degree - and make the most out of buying socks - since he changes his socks more than his underwear and socks are cheaper - I'd say you got the better end of that deal. ~ huh...disposable socks purchased by the case - sock snob loves the idea. </p><p></p><p>I'm just sending you hugs and hoping things remain positive - </p><p>As far as diagnosis him at this stage of the game? Hey - if it helps him get SSI or Tefra(medicaid) into a situation that can give him Integrated Listening Systems (ILS)(indep. living skills) then - fine. </p><p></p><p>I often wondered with Dude - if we set NO clothes out would he have begged to change? But I'm evil Mom for thinking so - and Dude is a clothes horse - he changes clothes more times a day than a rabbit has babies. </p><p></p><p>Our Maytag Atlantis wore slap out in 4 years - we tell everyone it was from Dude changing clothes so much and washing them. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 131934, member: 4964"] SLSH, I think this is the waiting game that we were warned about. It's where you and I and everyone else with a severely messed up difficult child child has got to look at that child and say one of two things: 1.) You are 18, you have no education, you have no job, no skills, you have made very poor choices for yourself and I as your parent can no longer continue to help you. Your choices have affected us to the point where I now question my own sanity - so you are on your own. Goodbye. -child leaves -child bounces around from friend to friend mooching for a while -child hits rock bottom and hits a lot of walls to the point he changes -parent has mixed emotions about child leaving -parent has no idea where child's next meal is coming from -parent either adjusts to life without child and lives, or worries over child to the point it destroys their life. If it is the latter - (parent worries over child to the point it's destroying them) we usually bail them out of whatever, pray that they'll be so overcome with our generosity and love that it changes them, but it doesn't really and we repeat the same day over and over but now instead of difficult child being the only one in knots everyone is upset and in knots - but NOT worrying about where the child is to the point it destroys their lives - they're asking to be destroyed one day at a time over A BUNCH of things. OR Parent loves their child, but admits they did everything they could then adjusts to life without the child, lives their lives and believes it is really too bad about the choices their kids make - but realizes they have a life, and their child has to live theirs and suffer whatever consequences comes their way. I so very badly want to be in that last category. Sending thank you home on the weekends doesn't sound so bad - but why? If this is an attempt to continue to let thank you know his family is supporting him and loves him couldn't that be done with weekly visits at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or a day trip? I'm not sure that putting the rest of the kids in the house in a panic state is the right thing to do. (Laugh if you want) but our dogs are like children and there have been times when we thought about what Dude being home for a weekend would do to them. That's just sad. I know after so many Residential Treatment Center (RTC) deals - that if thank you is not compliant in your home - you will take him back. Not much of a plan B but at this point I know it is the only one you have. I guess all I can tell you is to love thank you while he's home - take lots of pictures, and plan outings that everyone can enjoy to some degree - and make the most out of buying socks - since he changes his socks more than his underwear and socks are cheaper - I'd say you got the better end of that deal. ~ huh...disposable socks purchased by the case - sock snob loves the idea. I'm just sending you hugs and hoping things remain positive - As far as diagnosis him at this stage of the game? Hey - if it helps him get SSI or Tefra(medicaid) into a situation that can give him Integrated Listening Systems (ILS)(indep. living skills) then - fine. I often wondered with Dude - if we set NO clothes out would he have begged to change? But I'm evil Mom for thinking so - and Dude is a clothes horse - he changes clothes more times a day than a rabbit has babies. Our Maytag Atlantis wore slap out in 4 years - we tell everyone it was from Dude changing clothes so much and washing them. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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