A Nice Moment

[Hound dog]

Got up early this morning because Katie invited easy child and the boys to come to the apartment complex xmas party and to see Santa. (yes, you saw that correctly, she even asked the manager for permission too)

This is the first time we've seen Kayla, Alex, and Evan in more than a year. The change is astounding. I was quite impressed. Now this was "first impressions" so I know to take it as it is, but still I saw some pretty amazing stuff this morning. Manners! Holy Moly. And they were listening to Katie and doing what she said, minding her. She wasn't whining at them to do something (like she's always done before) but using a parental voice with them and did not need to raise it. Even Alex who is usually super hyped up for any new event, especially anything holiday related was both calm and very well behaved. Not perfect but he is a difficult child and always will be a difficult child, near perfect as could be expected.

Even Evan, the once spoiled "wild child" was very well behaved, calm, and sweet. You'd never have guessed they'd ever behaved any differently. Yup yup, Nana was quite impressed, pleased, and proud.

And Katie was so social. Awesome.

Later this afternoon the family will gather to visit and then have dinner together.

I dunno what changed with katie and the kids but it was monumental. Not perfect (kids will still be kids), but wow. I did praise her. I told her they were doing so well, so well mannered, seem so settled and confident now. That it was so good to see. She blushed under the praise. I saw an opportunity and I took it. I don't get a lot of chances to praise her, and I felt she needed to hear it.

 

[SuZir]

What an awesome uplifting post! such a change in kids is big thing and so telling, not something that just happens in moments or can be faked but it tells about improvement and calmer and more controlled environment for kids over longer time. It seems that she has taken some big steps to right direction.

Really good news!

 

[recoveringenabler]

What a pleasure to read HD, probably the best Christmas present you could ever hope for. Enjoy every single moment............(((HUGS))))

 

[welcometowitsend]

This made me smile (and I needed that today). I am so happy for you and for Katie - it really sounds like things are going well for her and her children.

A very positive encounter - again! Amazing and wonderful.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Wow - you made Katie's day by praising her, and she made yours by making you proud. What more is there? That's just the best...glad you saw your grandkids, too.

 

[buddy]

It must have been so nice to be able to say that to her! I'm glad you got that opportunity. Maybe she was forced to really grow up a little this year??? Good for her!

 

[DammitJanet]

Wow...what has changed? Where is M? Could it be her mom being there? Something is up.

No you cant get kids to act fake like that on a dime. If they could act like that she would be living in Hollywood...lol.

 

[DDD]

I LOVE your post, Hound. I needed something genuine to make me smile and...you did it. I'm so happy that you all shared such a lovely day. Hugs. DDD

 

[susiestar]

This is just wonderful. Totally, absolutely and amazingly wonderful!

I don't know exactly what turned Katie around so that she turned her kids around, but it is awesome! It may very well be that having her sisters chew her out and having the family still reach out made her want something more. It also could be that her father's death spurred her to make changes. Part of it may very well be your love for her even when angry, esp when angry. many of our kids take a while to realize that getting angry at them means we love them enough to care what they do. Is is possible that she truly expected for you and her siblings to turn your backs on her after her dad died? I have known kids who grew up in step families that believed the stepparent only was nice/loving because they had to be, and that if their bio parent died then they would be tossed out of the family. Maybe having you all still care and try to reach out made a big difference and helped her see that she is worthy of respect and decent treatment. Just a thought.

Whatever happened, in my opinion it is amazing to have such a wonderful change!

 

[Hound dog]

Unfortunately, M is still present and accounted for. That is a subject that for now is avoided. Biomom is worse at parenting than Katie, believe it or not. So I don't think that is it. I have no clue what brought about this change. Could be a lot of things. But it does appear she has done some growing up and has taken on the parenting role. Which is huge for her.

Kids were good this evening too. Normal kid stuff, nothing more. We grown ups spent hours talking while waiting for bread to bake and the lasagna to be done. Katie was still very interactive and I believe I found out more about her this evening than I've managed over years. Oh, stuff I knew but still that she opened up about it was nice to see. Her cooking skills were the big elephant in the room and we talked about that........along with the why they are so poor (biomom can't cook either & all those yrs in a motel sure didn't help). But we gave her some simple, cheap, filling and nutritious suppers to make off the top of our heads and told her we'd be glad to show her more. Not an issue as both her sisters are still learning as well. You could see the relief on Katies face when easy child confessed she stinks at fried chicken and gravy. lol This is stuff she missed out on last time because she would not open her mouth and talk.

I think to some degree though just having a stable living environment that is a decent home, knowing where your next meal is coming from, knowing you won't have to worry if you'll be on a street corner next week, being able to pay for the things you need/want has done a ton of it. They're feeling more secure than probably any of them can ever remember.

Katie brought salad and salad dressing for tonight's dinner. She's excited to be buying her niece and nephews and brother and sisters gifts for the first time ever. She interacted and seemed to enjoy easy child and Nichole's kids as well.

I do know that Kayla let it slip to Nichole a while back that her mom was busy certain nights of the week. Maybe she did do counseling.......maybe she had parenting classes. Who knows? But this change I like to see. I plan to take it as it comes and just enjoy it.

 

[AnnieO]

I am just grinning ear to ear. This was such a lovely post to read!

 

[Hopeless]

That is awesome!! Glad you all had a great family day!!

 

[KTMom91]

Glad you all had such a good day!

 

[busywend]

HD - Have Katie's headaches gone away? I am so happy to hear these positive updates. She has made such great progress!!

 

[JJJ]

Yeah! What a great Christmas gift!

 

[1905]

I'm so happy for you, and especially for the kids. It's must feel like a giant weight off your shoulder to see her have her act together like that.

 

[bby31288]

Amazing Katie! I'm so proud I'm grinning with you. Gosh I have been on the forum since difficult child was 8. She is now 20! I have followed Lisa's story and family. I feel like a proud aunt!

 

[Wiped Out]

What an uplifting post!!