A note on Facebook and hope

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Feb 26, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Woke up in the middle of a dream. I thought difficult child was in trouble. It was really scary. I checked my phone and saw him a note from him pop on Facebook. I started to read it. It was wonderful...he was remorseful...atoning....he got it, he really got it. I was having trouble reading it on my phone so I walked to the desktop to pull it up.

    Trouble was, that was when I really woke up. So excited, I reached over to grab the iPad to read what difficult child wrote and I realized I had been dreaming. A dream within a dream.

    I didn't realize I was holding onto so much hope for him. I thought I had pretty much resigned myself to bad outcomes. But my heart is breaking. I miss the person he once was. I still cry several times a day.

    As for today, I haven't heard from difficult child since he sent the texts Wednesday that sounded a bit like he might want to kill himself. Still using his phone off and on so he is okay.

    He is supposed to come over sometime tomorrow to use computer. I am not calling him to set it up. (Don't dial pain) We'll see...

    He has court Tuesday night - DUI trial. Looks like if the dashcam show it was a bad arrest, then he will get off. If not, then he is guilty.

    If he is guilty then I don't know how he will be able to get auto insurance unless he stays on my policy. My agent showed me a bill someone like difficult child had - $7500 a year for basic insurance. Then again, if you don't have a car, you don't need insurance. And without a car, jobs are harder. Life is harder.

    This is the kid who has told me for a couple of years that he could be homeless. I respond, "yeah, right." I'm afraid he is intent upon proving his point.

    I have to remember that I cannot control that nor did I cause it. So, for today, I choose to take care of my business - to take care of me. But I'll pray (often) that difficult child chooses to take care of himself....as I pray the same for all our difficult children.
     
  2. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ag,
    I feel your pain. We cannot loose hope. We cannot stop caring. And praying is what we have. Hang on. This a real low for him-I hope he can turn it around and rise. Without your love, there is no way.
     
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Awww AG I feel your pain too. You aren't going to believe this but I dreamt difficult child took the dog back and begged her roommate to let her live there and promised she would go back to meetings and follow the program. It was so real and I was so happy...until I woke up in the middle of it.

    I am so sorry you are in such pain. I feel like the floor has ripped out from under me too and my stomach is in knots. I hate this.

    Nancy
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    HUGS AG, Wonder what is in the cosmos, I woke disturbed in the middle of several dreams last night too. One I was doing the sensory brushing program on Q and praying it would help him.... very odd.

    I am sure it is natural for your brain (our brains) to be looking for comfort at times when we in real life can't find it. (strange sentence, hope it makes sense) I wish that feeling of relief could last. You are right, you can't control it and you did not cause it. You are super supportive in the right ways. I hope his trial goes ok and living without a car is probably best until he really is sober anyway I suppose.

    Hoping you find some true rest and pleasant dreams.
     
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hope is good. it keeps us from dispair...-RM
     
  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh AG - I am so so sorry for your pain. In the first year after I lost my beloved dad - I would dream of him...and when I woke up it was almost like losing him again. I actually began to dread dreaming of him, because it made me miss him more.

    "I have to remember that I cannot control that nor did I cause it. So, for today, I choose to take care of my business - to take care of me. But I'll pray (often) that difficult child chooses to take care of himself....as I pray the same for all our difficult children"

    Amen, didn't cause it,. can't control it, can't fix it. Wish we could.
     
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