A Parent Just Needing to Vent!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by VagabondDreamer, Oct 4, 2011.

  1. VagabondDreamer

    VagabondDreamer New Member

    My 6yo son is a in kindergarten this year, and it has just been a terrible time. I've suspected he has ADHD since he was at least 3. He is very impulsive, defiant, and disruptive. I have had concerns for years and have been blown off every time I have mentioned my concerns to his pediatrician, including mentioning sleep problems. When he was 4, I took him to a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was try to teach me parenting techniques I was already using. (That same year, his babysitter quit without notice.) Why does everyone who is supposed to help avoid helping?

    Fortunately, the staff at my son's school seems to be more supportive than what I'm hearing other parents here are dealing with. They keep in communication with me and have implemented many positive rewards for his good behavior. The guidance counselor takes the time to call me when my son is having a GOOD day. I appreciate that. My son's self-esteem has been going downhill fast the last couple weeks though, and it is very disheartening for me. I am very worried about him. He calls himself "stupid" and hits himself in the head out of frustration. He is often very disruptive, so he spends a lot of time in the office. Academically he is having a rough time, especially since he is removed from class a lot. I feel thankful, though, that I mentioned doing evaluations to them and within a few days, the process was started. How long does is normally take for the school to complete this process?

    Dealing with his bus driver and the latchkey staff, however, is a nightmare. Neither want to deal with him, and I feel like the bus driver is trying to get him kicked off the bus. I also feel that they are trying to remove him from latchkey. The environment there when I pick him up is very chaotic and seems unstructured. I am supposed to meet with a member of the staff tomorrow. Any suggestions??? I'm so agitated that I don't think I can say what I want to without being rude. I am a single parent, so the removal from latchkey program would create a huge financial burden for us.

    Also parents, any suggestions for taking care of ourselves? I have a lot of stress in dealing with this alone. I also manage a medical office full-time, and I am a college student (thought about quiting school momentarily, but rely on the student loans to keep us afloat.) I can never get out among friends because I don't have many people who will watch my son. I can't afford to pay for a sitter. I don't really have many friends, largely because I've never been able to take my son to their houses. I haven't been feeling well. I've taken up smoking and drinking again and have been very depressed. I feel so isolated...
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Does he have an IEP? If not, get the school to start working on one ASAP with as much testing as you can convince them to get done. Contact local social services and child services for wrap around services, home services, respite, etc. Since you're in college, see if your guidance dept (or whatever it's called) can offer any help or recommendations that actually work for you.
    Take your breaks where you can get them and enjoy the small moments that make you happy to be a parent.
    Hang in there and welcome, you're not alone.
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    No real advice, but I can tell you something that may make you feel a bit better. Be thankful you are doing this alone! Too often, the men that father these types of children are children themselves, and they make it even harder.

    Disclaimer: Yes, this is a generalization, yes, sometimes the moms are children as well, yes, it takes two sets of DNA, and yes sometimes the Dads are indeed awesome, BUT the grass is not always greener on the other side. I've been "single" for four years now and I do sometimes fall into the pity party trap that I have to deal with this alone, and then I remember how it was before. Not only did I have to deal with the kids, I had to deal with HIM too. I am most happy to be toughing this out on my own.

    by the way Welcome to the board!:notalone:
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH yes, been there done that. I have NEVER been able to have daycare and indeed have had to stop working. I am single so you can imagine, it is not easy. If...and I suspect WHEN your son has an IEP an accomodation that is very very common is transportation. My son can ride any bus physically, but his behavior would get him suspended. When bussing is through the IEP they have to have whatever accomodations are needed to allow him to access school. You will find it a benefit because there is usually an aide on the bus, they are supposed to be trained on what to do to help positively reinforce your son for good behaviors etc. Even Special Education bussing can be a nightmare for behavior kids because, face it, these folks are not professionals in special education or child development (usually). Our school admin has meetings with the bus people for my son....the directors of transportation, aides, and drivers all come. Basically the message is here is what we can do to help, but it is just a ride to and from school so dont get too wigged out! If he says inappropriate things just get the kid to and from school and dont take it personally. He does this because of his disability! So he doesn't get kicked off the bus now. (If he ever actually hurt anyone I personally would take him off even if they were being nice.) So, hopefully after the 30 days for the evaluation, you should have the results meeting and if he qualifies then you should begin to write the IEP. Some districts do it all in one meeting, some have separate meetings.

    You are NOT alone. This is a very hard process sometimes, especially when things are so up in the air. It is scary sometimes too. I have found the folks here to be the most respite from my spinning brain that I have had in a long long time.
  5. zoo_keeper

    zoo_keeper Member

    Hi there. I sympathize with having a 'difficult' child. It sounds like you are doing a good job dealing with the school. Counselor sounds great!
    A suggestion that really saved me before husband when difficult child was in head start... Try to fing another mom of a difficult child at your school and set up playdates. Switch off which house its at weekly. The other mom will be able to handle your son and he might even make a friend. This way you could at least get some time to yourself (every little bit helps!) Try asking the counselor if she knows of any other moms that might be interested. Just a thought
    by the way you came to a great place with brilliant parents.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Welcome to the board. As far as the timeline for school assessments, did you put the request in writing. Legally, they have 45 days from the day you request/authorize the evaluations. Not sure if that applies to verbal-only requests so that's why I'm asking.

    I am also a single parent and glad I am. "Sperm donor" took off before my boys were born and we haven't heard from him since. He is also one of those that would have been a third child. I also don't have to worry about "dueling" parenting styles. I totally understand the lack of support in raising difficult kids though. There are days I am amazed I still have hair. LOL HaoZi gave you some GREAT advice. Our county case manage through our Human Services Dept has been a HUGE help. It sounds like you need wrap-around services as well as respite. Sometimes, in some areas anyway, respite can be in-home, kind of like a government paid babysitter.

    Look for a neuropsychologist in your area. There are some other threads going right now that might have some other good ideas for you.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you hon.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, vagabonddreamer...Saw your post over on Early Childhood... then noticed this one.Welcome. You've come to a safe place.Could you tell us a little more about the situation?So often, behavior is "because" of something else, usually things we haven't figured out yet, sometimes things we know but that are hard to deal with.Has he ever had a comprehensive evaluation?Ever been seen an Occupational Therapist (OT) or a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP)?Sounds like you're a single parent - any other kids? Family history - issues and challenges on either side of the family?Is he on any medications?I'm just another parent, but your posts reveal a some of interesting things...1) the bus and after-care are far bigger problems than school itself; this could be caused by numerous things... noisy environments (classrooms are better than that MOST of the time...), transition points (to school, from school), possibly sensory (bumped/jostled on the bus), possibly social (dealing with the other kids at after-care), maybe bullying..... 2) the transition into school is a HUGE deal to begin with. Many kids hold it together for school - and are a basket case or worse, for the entire rest of the day. Anxiety can drain the "logic" out of a kid... so, from the time he gets up, he's dreading the process of getting to school? and not looking forward to the effort it takes to hold it all together? and then... having spent every last drop of energy trying to hold it together at school... its just too much to try to hold it together at the after-care program?There can be all sorts of reasons for things like this... anywhere from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) to sensory or auditory issues to learning disabilities to motor skills challenges ... etc.!!!If a comprehensive evaluation has not been done (from the way you write, I would assume this is not done), it should probably be at the top of your list. It is really hard to choose the correct interventions if you don't know WHY the behavior is happening... for example, sensory/auditory issues need different treatment than anxiety which is different from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) symptoms... WHY. That is the first question that has to be answered.THEN you can start getting help with "what to do about it".