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Parent Emeritus
A positive update on my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 613341" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span>MWM & Cedar, thank you. I will surely let you all know how this story unfolds.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: #0000CD">"In a way then, your daughter's success is a testament to the benefits of detachment. Not just for parents, but for our kids, too."</span><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p>Yes, I believe that to be true. That time I was in that Codependency recovery program, my therapist, who is also the director of the whole Substance Abuse & Codependency Program, kept saying that she has seen it over and over again that when the parents let go, when they really detach and accept what is, that the kids then shift and find a new path. I wanted to believe that, but for a long time that was NOT my experience. But, as time went by and I was systematically letting go, inch by inch, what I did notice was that my difficult child was also letting go inch by inch. As my boundaries got higher and thicker, her usual antics stopped almost completely, I did not take it on. <em>It was absolutely a process. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I don't imagine that outcome happens all the time, but as my therapist kept saying, it happens A LOT. Now from over here, I think it's like an invisible cord, something out of awareness, that masquerades as love but is really control.........and that morphs into enabling. I'm not saying this is what happens when our kids are young, although it may, but it can certainly rear it's ugly head as fear ramps up the rescuing as the kids get older. </p><p></p><p>It's complicated and it takes time but as we have talked about a lot, it involves US and our own judgments, perfectionism, control and fears too. It's not just our kids. We have growing to do as well. </p><p></p><p>SO and I are heading out to the ocean to have lunch. Staying far away from the frenzied shopping...........a peaceful afternoon on a sunny, warmer day.............as you said Cedar, a celebration of life..........</p><p></p><p>(thinking about you Cedar and interested in hearing what is up with your kids.......)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 613341, member: 13542"] [COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR]MWM & Cedar, thank you. I will surely let you all know how this story unfolds. [COLOR=#0000CD]"In a way then, your daughter's success is a testament to the benefits of detachment. Not just for parents, but for our kids, too."[/COLOR][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR] Yes, I believe that to be true. That time I was in that Codependency recovery program, my therapist, who is also the director of the whole Substance Abuse & Codependency Program, kept saying that she has seen it over and over again that when the parents let go, when they really detach and accept what is, that the kids then shift and find a new path. I wanted to believe that, but for a long time that was NOT my experience. But, as time went by and I was systematically letting go, inch by inch, what I did notice was that my difficult child was also letting go inch by inch. As my boundaries got higher and thicker, her usual antics stopped almost completely, I did not take it on. [I]It was absolutely a process. [/I] I don't imagine that outcome happens all the time, but as my therapist kept saying, it happens A LOT. Now from over here, I think it's like an invisible cord, something out of awareness, that masquerades as love but is really control.........and that morphs into enabling. I'm not saying this is what happens when our kids are young, although it may, but it can certainly rear it's ugly head as fear ramps up the rescuing as the kids get older. It's complicated and it takes time but as we have talked about a lot, it involves US and our own judgments, perfectionism, control and fears too. It's not just our kids. We have growing to do as well. SO and I are heading out to the ocean to have lunch. Staying far away from the frenzied shopping...........a peaceful afternoon on a sunny, warmer day.............as you said Cedar, a celebration of life.......... (thinking about you Cedar and interested in hearing what is up with your kids.......) [/QUOTE]
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A positive update on my difficult child
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