Well, I have been hesitant to report anything as I hung on that precipice between 'other shoes dropping'................and being on firm ground of sorts............however, things have been quiet and uneventful, what I have learned over the years to hope for. Things have not gotten any better for my difficult child, however they have not gotten any worse either. I have learned to accept where she is to a degree where it doesn't (usually) impact my every day life. I've been able to clearly see when she manipulates me and I've responded very differently so the manipulations have ceased. There seems to be an empty space between us right now that neither of us really knows how to fill. We've had the same script for her whole life so without it there is only emptiness. I'm okay with that because I believe that empty space is where something new can come about. It may or may not, but at least the opening is there for it. I've now had the time to look at other things, my about to be 17 year old granddaughter looking at colleges, she will be a senior next year. There is so much joy around all of this for her, an exciting time which I realize I missed with my difficult child because she blew down to L.A. 3 months before she graduated from HS because she was "tired of school." She was an honors student, all A's, one of many bad decisions she would make. But as this time rolls around for my granddaughter, I see how much fun it is to listen to her talk of her plans, to be a part of her excitement and all those wonderful brand new feelings. I am so happy to be a part of this. I feel as if I am getting a second chance to be a Mom to a young woman about to embark on the very beginning of adulthood. Sometimes it just brings a tear to my eye, to see the woman she is becoming, in spite of all the hardships she's been through. And, SO and I are still planning trips, planning on moving to Kauai once our granddaughter is safely tucked away.......we see more and more freedoms available to us as she grows and matures. She is already planning vacations with her friends who are excited to be able to go to Hawaii and stay with us!! She has it all planned out! We are taking a road trip in June, the 3 of us and then perhaps SO and I going to see friends in NYC in the Fall. For the first time in many, many years, I am not waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whatever happens with my difficult child will happen regardless of any worry or fear I go through or don't go through, so I've opted out of that whole drama. She may go further down the rabbit hole, I don't know, but if/when that happens, I'll deal with it then. Right now I'm busy feeling a lot of gratitude for the peace I'm feeling, no more time for suffering.......... In the meantime I'm learning how to NAP! I've never done that, just that little thing, a nap, but it means so much because one has to be relaxed and peaceful to nap, not out of sheer exhaustion, but just because there is nothing to do right now and I feel cozy and safe. Sigh. This is very good.