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A Pox on Facebook
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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 638917" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>Facebook.........Oh, my. What a lot I could write here. I enjoy FB as it has helped me get to know some bio relatives (I'm adopted) on the other side of the USA and have loved it. I am very active on FB and am "friended" to many. However.... </p><p></p><p>Here are my FB boundaries (acquired from years of stepping on unintentional FB landmines) ---</p><p></p><p>1) I am "friended" to difficult child. However, I <u>removed difficult child from my News Feed</u> and rarely look -- ON PURPOSE. Harsh stuff helps no one. difficult child knows this, as I told him. I took several out of my News Feed -- ON PURPOSE. They're there if I want/need to connect, but I choose to shield myself from extra doses of negativity (about politics, religion, family drama, etc) as it can bludgeon my brain. Nope. Need my brain functional. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> (I've been burned before...I learned)</p><p></p><p>2) I sometimes <u>"block" certain people from seeing certain posts/pics</u> if I even have an inkling it could cause unnecessary drama. Took me a while to get the hang of it, but I'm actually pretty good at navigating FB's tools now. Plus, I've just decided to trust and honor my instincts about when I want something private. This feels like a healthy boundary for me.</p><p></p><p>3) I try to <u>avoid the Drama Tornado</u> at all costs. I block others from turning my FB page into a Drama Tornado and I choose not to engage in their FB page Drama Tornado (lest I get swept up in it, too). I've concluded that, generally speaking, if others are all wound up, my jumping into their fray (even with compassion or reason) doesn't tend to help. They're free to have their say, but I'm also free to stay away from toxic schtuff. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>4) I do use FB at times (very infrequently and only when things are bad) if difficult child has disappeared for a long time (weeks/months). Just <u>to see if he's alive</u>. But if I see a post of his with a recent date, that's enough for me. I pretty much jump off FB as fast as I can because some details can do serious damage to my heart and brain. Sad, but true.</p><p></p><p>Albatross --- Yikes. So sorry to hear what a Drama Tornado kicked up for you with all of that family stuff. I have had that stuff happen to me, too (yeesh!), and my initial responses are much like yours. Sometimes I think, "Why in the world are people sharing this stuff?" I really just don't know.</p><p></p><p>But my FB motto is,<u><strong> "Don't put anything on FB you wouldn't want your boss to see." </strong></u> This helps me delineate.</p><p></p><p>Oh, Albatross! I forgot the story about your son and riding his bike to California! I remember you speculating whether he'd make it out of the driveway? Wow! I guess he did make it a long way! 1,000 miles? Who knew? </p><p></p><p>Technology is a life-saver on many fronts. It can connect family and friends (like it has for me), alert us to important events (births, deaths, accidents, weddings, graduations, jobs, etc), and be helpful in uniting us (1 friend of mine uses it for AA purposes and his posts are just spectacularly wonderful and supportive!).</p><p></p><p>However, it can also be a life-destructor if it runs amok. Some young(er) ones, especially, often lash out and blurt hurtful things to others without thinking. I just keep thinking, "If your boss, your parents, your girlfriend/bg, or your local police dept sees this, it's not going to go well for you."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, it's not the appropriate place. It's not respectful, it's sensationalistic, and it's waaay too easy to misread things in writing (rather than face-to-face). And you're exactly right......public shaming isn't the answer. It doesn't work. </p><p></p><p>You didn't do anything wrong, Albatross. That's the trouble with Drama Tornadoes.......They're no winning. They're a LOSE-LOSE proposition.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 638917, member: 18284"] Facebook.........Oh, my. What a lot I could write here. I enjoy FB as it has helped me get to know some bio relatives (I'm adopted) on the other side of the USA and have loved it. I am very active on FB and am "friended" to many. However.... Here are my FB boundaries (acquired from years of stepping on unintentional FB landmines) --- 1) I am "friended" to difficult child. However, I [U]removed difficult child from my News Feed[/U] and rarely look -- ON PURPOSE. Harsh stuff helps no one. difficult child knows this, as I told him. I took several out of my News Feed -- ON PURPOSE. They're there if I want/need to connect, but I choose to shield myself from extra doses of negativity (about politics, religion, family drama, etc) as it can bludgeon my brain. Nope. Need my brain functional. :) (I've been burned before...I learned) 2) I sometimes [U]"block" certain people from seeing certain posts/pics[/U] if I even have an inkling it could cause unnecessary drama. Took me a while to get the hang of it, but I'm actually pretty good at navigating FB's tools now. Plus, I've just decided to trust and honor my instincts about when I want something private. This feels like a healthy boundary for me. 3) I try to [U]avoid the Drama Tornado[/U] at all costs. I block others from turning my FB page into a Drama Tornado and I choose not to engage in their FB page Drama Tornado (lest I get swept up in it, too). I've concluded that, generally speaking, if others are all wound up, my jumping into their fray (even with compassion or reason) doesn't tend to help. They're free to have their say, but I'm also free to stay away from toxic schtuff. :) 4) I do use FB at times (very infrequently and only when things are bad) if difficult child has disappeared for a long time (weeks/months). Just [U]to see if he's alive[/U]. But if I see a post of his with a recent date, that's enough for me. I pretty much jump off FB as fast as I can because some details can do serious damage to my heart and brain. Sad, but true. Albatross --- Yikes. So sorry to hear what a Drama Tornado kicked up for you with all of that family stuff. I have had that stuff happen to me, too (yeesh!), and my initial responses are much like yours. Sometimes I think, "Why in the world are people sharing this stuff?" I really just don't know. But my FB motto is,[U][B] "Don't put anything on FB you wouldn't want your boss to see." [/B][/U] This helps me delineate. Oh, Albatross! I forgot the story about your son and riding his bike to California! I remember you speculating whether he'd make it out of the driveway? Wow! I guess he did make it a long way! 1,000 miles? Who knew? Technology is a life-saver on many fronts. It can connect family and friends (like it has for me), alert us to important events (births, deaths, accidents, weddings, graduations, jobs, etc), and be helpful in uniting us (1 friend of mine uses it for AA purposes and his posts are just spectacularly wonderful and supportive!). However, it can also be a life-destructor if it runs amok. Some young(er) ones, especially, often lash out and blurt hurtful things to others without thinking. I just keep thinking, "If your boss, your parents, your girlfriend/bg, or your local police dept sees this, it's not going to go well for you." No, it's not the appropriate place. It's not respectful, it's sensationalistic, and it's waaay too easy to misread things in writing (rather than face-to-face). And you're exactly right......public shaming isn't the answer. It doesn't work. You didn't do anything wrong, Albatross. That's the trouble with Drama Tornadoes.......They're no winning. They're a LOSE-LOSE proposition. [/QUOTE]
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