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The Watercooler
A question answered about "friends"
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 294679" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>OOooohhh ... I can REALLY relate. </p><p>I have found it difficult to make real friends. Not so hard to find acquiantances or on/off friends. But I too grow tired of the large gaps of time without contact, and contact is ONLY when the person needs what they consider my sage advice or my listening ear. It drives me stupid, I swear. It hurts me beyond belief as well.</p><p>I don't know what has happened to interpersonal relationships. I don't remember it being this way for me always. But the older I get, the more I notice that many "friends" are this way. I'm a self declared hermit too, and it is definitly because i find it hard to relate to people who only turn up for free talk therapy sessions. I end up feeling used too.</p><p>I have sadly taken to ignoring a few women in my life for just this reason. I've tried to talk to one or two who have this pattern and then I stopped. I won't bother in the future. It doesnt' seem to change a thing. And they get offended when I'm too busy to sit about listening to another depressing story.</p><p>I'm happily there to listen to my friends and be a listening ear. But not when its the only time they surface in my life. Even more frustrating, none are ever available when things are going wrong in MY life. Proof, I was in critical care unit and even after release, was stone deaf and in major pain for over a month afterwards, unsure if I would hear again and not ONE of them reached out to even have a quick cup of tea or short visit. </p><p>I have no advice sadly, other than that for me, these people over time become toxic to me as I burn with hurt when they "reach out" to me, for their own selfish purposes. I think that some people just don't get it. Not necesarrily bad people. Just clueless perhaps??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 294679, member: 4264"] OOooohhh ... I can REALLY relate. I have found it difficult to make real friends. Not so hard to find acquiantances or on/off friends. But I too grow tired of the large gaps of time without contact, and contact is ONLY when the person needs what they consider my sage advice or my listening ear. It drives me stupid, I swear. It hurts me beyond belief as well. I don't know what has happened to interpersonal relationships. I don't remember it being this way for me always. But the older I get, the more I notice that many "friends" are this way. I'm a self declared hermit too, and it is definitly because i find it hard to relate to people who only turn up for free talk therapy sessions. I end up feeling used too. I have sadly taken to ignoring a few women in my life for just this reason. I've tried to talk to one or two who have this pattern and then I stopped. I won't bother in the future. It doesnt' seem to change a thing. And they get offended when I'm too busy to sit about listening to another depressing story. I'm happily there to listen to my friends and be a listening ear. But not when its the only time they surface in my life. Even more frustrating, none are ever available when things are going wrong in MY life. Proof, I was in critical care unit and even after release, was stone deaf and in major pain for over a month afterwards, unsure if I would hear again and not ONE of them reached out to even have a quick cup of tea or short visit. I have no advice sadly, other than that for me, these people over time become toxic to me as I burn with hurt when they "reach out" to me, for their own selfish purposes. I think that some people just don't get it. Not necesarrily bad people. Just clueless perhaps?? [/QUOTE]
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A question answered about "friends"
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