A sad reality.............

[DenitaS]

So, I went to see my therapist yesterday and we had a LONG discussion on difficult child 1. She says she has LOTS of sociopath tendencies and that she just doesn't "see" us that all we are to her is NO. I came home and looked it up and was SHOCKED to see how true what she said was.
She came home on Wed. she wants to run and run and run, last night I finally told her that her son comes FIRST above ALL else and she has to put her life on hold to give him what he needs. She told me AGAIN that if she was doing such a horrible job then I should just keep him and then said that in the court hearing she will tell the judge to send him to his dad. She got her out time last night and came home an hour late. Started throwing a fit at 11:00 and woke both my husband and I up. She has a rash and she expected us to get up and rush her to the emergency room!!! We told her no, that we would make an appointment. for her today. I told her that I expect her to stay home with the baby ALL day today and we decided that she gets no out time this evening because of her fit that she threw so, today should be a LOVELY day!!!

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear.
I am so sorry. How heartbreaking.
So, this "dad" doesn't have much going for him ... you can seek custody, right? And then where does your daughter go?
Sorry, I'm jumping way ahead.
Right now you are doing the right thing. Absolutely.
{{{hugs}}

 

[bran155]

Wow, you have a lot on your plate. I admire your ability to take all of this on. I don't think I would be able to do it. If my difficult child gets pregnant she will not be living with me nor will I be raising her baby. So kudos to you.

These kids today think being a mother is a piece of cake!!! They have no clue how much responsibility it takes. It is not fair for your daughter to expect you to be responsible for her baby. I understand that with the baby living in your house, as it's grandmother you will step up and care for him/her. So then do nothing for your daughter. Only do for her what you legally have to. She should not be able to have her cake and eat it too!!!

You are a good mom and grandmother. I hope you are taking time to care for yourself, you deserve it!!!

Hang in there.

 

[janebrain]

Hi Denita,
there is an excellent book called "The Sociopath Next Door" which does a great job explaining about sociopaths and describing what they are like. One of my therapists also suggested that my difficult child 1 might be a sociopath. I don't really think she is but she does have some of the traits. There isn't much you can do except stay as far away from them as possible. They don't respond well to treatment because they are happy with the way they are. Hoping your dtr is not truly one....

Jane

 

[Lillyth]

Hi Denita,
there is an excellent book called "The Sociopath Next Door" which does a great job explaining about sociopaths and describing what they are like. One of my therapists also suggested that my difficult child 1 might be a sociopath. I don't really think she is but she does have some of the traits. There isn't much you can do except stay as far away from them as possible. They don't respond well to treatment because they are happy with the way they are. Hoping your dtr is not truly one....

Jane

Not only that, but they have found that sociopathic sex offenders become worse with treatment, because all the empathy training does is give them more ammo to be able to take advantage of people. I suspect it is the same with non-sex offenses as well.

Basically, the more you try to teach them their impact on others, they more the take advantage of people using what you try to teach them.

If your daughter truly is a sociopath, I don't know that there is anything you can do beyond give your grandson a good stable home. And you are a good, good woman for doing that...

Hugs to you - I know this must be hard for you.

You may want to ask your therapist about what I said above, see if the same holds true for other forms of empathy training. If it is, you may want to just cut off all attempts to "teach" her how her behavior effects others. But like I said, ask your therapist about this. I am not by any means an expert on sociopaths, I just remember this fact from a course I took on sex offenders a few years back...

 

[DenitaS]

Thanks for the support. I will have to see if our local library has that book.
We went to court this morning regarding the state maintaining custody of the baby. She made a HORRIBLE impression. She was NOT focused on what the judge was telling her and was texting her ex while he was talking to her!!
After the meeting I met with the Social worker to confirm that my understanding of the rules for her were correct. She can work and go to school and other than that she is supposed to stay home and coparent the baby with me after he goes to bed she is allowed to go out until 10.
That just seemed to make her angrier!! She walked away from the Social worker as she was telling her that if she keeps it up she will terminate her parental rights. I just don't think that she gets it!

 

[amazeofgrace]

Hugs and prayers, a difficult dynamic, I have a coworker in a similar situation, it's hard when they learn to use your grandbaby as a threat

 

[Stella Johnson]

How sad. She may not realize what she is losing for a long time. Having a baby doesn't seem to have helped her mature.

Would you take full custody if they offered it to you? What type of situation is the ex in? Is he able to care for the baby?

Steph

 

[DenitaS]

Yes, we would def. take the baby if offered. He is under our guardianship now but, as I understand it, if they terminate her parental rights, we would have that option. Dad is not a good option either, he has been diagnosed as manic depressive and does not take medications, he also has a domestic assault charge against him regarding my daughter. He is not working presently.
Last night she blew up because she didnt' get her way. I think we are all just going through the motions to complete the process.